The headline says it all: TN Man Enraged By Obama Sticker Slams SUV Into Car With 10 Year Old Child Inside. What a lunatic. Or perhaps he’s just your average right-winger feeding on the engorged teats of FoxLimbaughCoulterBeck, it’s really getting hard to tell these days.
Frankly I don’t care what crazy shit you believe. If you think Obama is the Muslim Nazi Antichrist terrorist reincarnation of a Communist dictator from the planet Twatflaps 7, that’s your business. Just keep your cool before someone gets killed. Jesus Effing Christ!
As hate radio, corporate right wing media and GOP politicians ramp up the violent rhetoric against Democrats, the nutjobs who follow them like zombies are becoming more and more unhinged and posing a threat to society. Case in point – a man so enraged by seeing an Obama/Biden bumper sticker on a car that he repeatedly rammed his SUV into it, while a 10 year old girl was inside:
Well, that’s this? Looks like the vile Hummer brand has finally met its long-deserved demise by the hand of China. Of course they’ll still be clogging up roads and parking spaces for many years, but at least now they can’t make any more of the things. Insecure men with tiny wee-wees will just have to find another way to feel better about themselves, I guess.
General Motors’ deal to sell its Hummer brand to a Chinese automaker fell through Wednesday and the company said it now plans to shut down the brand.
GM did not give any details about why the agreement to sell Hummer to Sichuan Tengzhong Heavy Industrial Machines Co. Ltd. could not be completed, saying only that it was disappointed it was unable to close the deal.
SUVs and their self-righteous owners really bring out my inner bitch, so this headline totally made my day: Frustrated Massachusetts drivers try to sell their gas-guzzlers. Yes! Every time I see some douchebag speeding down the road in an absurdly humongous SUV or other monstrosity, I’m irritated. Every time I see one of them parked in a Compact parking spot, or (more often) taking up more than one space, I’m peeved. But then I smile to myself, because I know that that the combination of low mileage and high gas prices leaves these SUV owners bleeding from the asshole after every visit to a gas station.
And you just know they’re all bitching about how expensive gas is nowadays. I sort of imagine them having this exaggerated dumbass SUV-driver voice: “Ah’m an Amurican ‘n’ ah have the raht ta drahve whutevah ah wahnt, goddammit! Dontchoo tell ME ta save mah moneh, ya freedom-hatin faggit! We gotta bomb dem Arabs agin ta get dem prahces down!” And so he drives off, his bumper plastered with pro-war stickers and Support Our Troops magnets, another pair of pants stained. This guy practically needs a transfusion after the bleeding he’s been doing:
After paying $75 to fill his black Dodge Ram pickup truck for the third time in a week, Douglas Chrystall couldn’t take it anymore.
Holy fuckin’ shitballs! $75 at the pump, three times a week? Good! I love it. This is what such arrogance and pointless excess buys you, folks. I’ve been waiting for the SUV bubble to burst for the past couple of years, and if this story reflects a larger trend around the rest of the country, things are only going to get more interesting. Imagine: people are trying to sell their monstrosities but are having trouble getting rid of them, SUV dealers are seeing a sharp drop in sales, and people are getting sick of paying such a high price for a status symbol. Yessir, things are definitely lookin’ up!
Holy shit, Ford is recalling half a million SUVs due to engine fires and antilock brake troubles. Half a freakin’ million! Gotta love that quality American engineering. I’m all for getting SUVs off the road, especially in this case — the last thing we need is hundreds of thousands of flaming, brakeless SUVs flying through the streets. SUVs are road hazards, but that would be a bit much. I suppose they all flip and tumble on sharp turns as well. Too bad the recall doesn’t mean halting production of these monstrosities. I’m hoping for a similar recall for all those smug assholes driving Hummers.
Wow, what a long and stressful week. I feel like pointing and laughing at the misfortunes and stupidity of others. Join me!
- Oh Jesus, here we go: next Thursday, Starbucks will be offering free coffee at their stores for a couple of hours. Get ready for long lines, fistfights, and scalding molten lattes being thrown into the faces of line-cutters. Might be kinda fun to watch, actually.
- Here’s a great blog post by a technical recruiter on how to get your resume noticed when applying for a job. These rules can be applied to anyone’s resume, not just those in the IT field. This guy doesn’t mince words…he tells you exactly what he looks for and what makes him stop reading. I’ve been reading comments posted on his blog and on others about this, and many HR and recruiting folks tend to agree with his methods. Useful stuff!
- A television ad that recently ran in Australia has certain scarehappy, kneejerking mommies & daddies freaking the hell out. Apparently it shows a toddler driving a SUV, and (you guessed it) they’re worried that actual toddlers might somehow figure out how to 1) reach the pedals, 2) turn that big wheel with miniscule arms, and 3) know how to drive. There are so many things wrong with that reasoning that I can’t list them all. Fucking retards. Now, what we really need to worry about are those 12-year-olds behind the wheel…
- The town of Eu Claire, Wisconsin will be missing its village idiot for a while, because some nutjob decided he’d get drunk and attempt a stunt he saw in one of those “Jackass” movies. The result? A scorched crotch and many future years of embarrassment. But you know, this is simply natural selection in action. It’s nature’s way of making sure that certain morons won’t be able to pollute the gene pool with their stupid, drunken cracker seed. (I also love how the Seattle Times filed this under “Arts & Entertainment.” How approrpriate is that??)
- My friend Amy sent along a link to something truly disturbing: Armed America: Portraits of Americans and their Guns. Now, I’m not against responsible gun ownership, and I’m not one of those whackjobs that thinks owning a gun automatically makes you a killer, but seeing photos of people lovingly cradling their rifles and semiautomatics is both fascinating and creepy.
Speaking of retards, a certain Republican politician in Maryland has a giant stick up his butt about something that is obviously dragging our culture into the fires of hell: Truck Nuts. You know…the big rubber balls that truck-lovin’ tools all over America are now hanging from the bumpers of their gas-guzzling monstrosities. I think they’re funny and stupid — the first time I saw a pair of these dangling behind a truck, I did a double-take. “Are those…balls??” Naturally, this guy thinks they’re a Big Threat and wants them banned. He says we’ve “crossed a line,” but I think that line was crossed when Christians began hijacking Calvin & Hobbes images for stupid religious windowstickers. Fuck, I hate those. Anyway, a guy who sells Truck Nuts sums it up perfectly: “It’s a sense of humor. This lawmaker is looking out for two or three old women in tennis shoes. He’s got too much time on his hands.”
Be sure and check out the photo galleries on the Truck Nuts website. Wow, what a bunch of simians. Priceless!
Matthew Yanos sent this in the other day:
You might be interested in this: the GM marketing guys put up a site where you can make your own Chevy Tahoe commercial. So, of course, people are creating commercials about SUVs being evil, ruining the environment and such which are hosted and displayed right there on the official 2007 Tahoe site. Good stuff. I got the link to this off Fark.com. Matt
Wow, this is great stuff. This is what happens when corporations solicit marketing ideas from us Little People: they find out that some of us have big mouths! I also found some good commentary and examples over on Autoblog. Interestingly, it seems that GM may not pull the fake ads as we all would expect.
A couple of days later I saw a story on CNet titled Advertisers look to grassroots marketing which looks not only at the Chevy campaign but other companies (Sony, L’oreal, Nike, Mastercard) who are asking amateurs to come up with good marketing videos. They’re all scrambling to get in on this viral marketing thing, which has actually been around for quite some time. Basically they’re out of ideas, as consumers are becoming increasingly resistant to traditional marketing tactics…they’re getting more savvy and filtering out the crap. And good for us! But it means the marketing people will only try harder to worm their way into your wallet, and now that YouTube and other sites are so popular for sharing videos (and it’s extremely easy to make one nowadays), naturally these companies are looking for a way to exploit the technology for advertising. It’s quite disgusting, but it’s what we have to expect of them. The assault on the consumer continues…
Yeah, I know that it was was probably just coincidence that it was an SUV which was sucked into this sinkhole. Freak accidents happen all the time. But just in case… I don’t know which of the gods was responsible for this, but they’re going to get an extra virgin at Sunday’s ritual.
Thanks to Critter for the tip!
Just when I thought the most absurd truck in the world had been spotted, I’ve just learned about an even bigger hunk of fetid shite: the International RXT. They’re calling it a “prototype”, but my brother somehow managed to find one and snap a photo. I just love the stuff they have in their press release: “…just as people have unique personas, the International RXT is designed for business owners who prefer a strong and athletic look rather than a vehicle as big and bold as the International CXT.” I guess if you’re gonna buy a penis-extender like this, it may as well be strong and athletic as well.
Have you ever seen one of those ridiculously monstrous Hummers driving down a residential street (or some other place they don’t belong) and instantly flip it off? I do it all the time. Seriously. Especially when they come flying down the freeway, zooming past me in a huge rush to get somewhere vastly important — you know, like Wal-Mart or something. My finger instantly goes up, it’s almost like a reflex. Anyway, a fellow named Matthew Yanos clued me in on a fun little site called Fuck You And Your H2 where you can submit photos of you and other people flipping off a Hummer. Sure, it’s a little juvenile…but so is the typical Hummer owner’s hotrod bigger-is-better mentality!