So imagine you’re a huge Apple fan. You live and breathe and worship Apple products, and Steve Jobs is damn near God in your book. Trouble is, you’re having trouble finding a mate who can tolerate your intense, righteous smugness. Nobody can stand to date or even attempt to “sensually interface with your various ports” because all you talk about is Apple, Macs, Steve Jobs, iPhone, Apple, iPod, iTunes, apps, Macbooks, and more goddamn Apple. What to do? How to get laid, much less have an actual relationship with a human, and one who loves Apple as much as you besides?
Introducing the Apple fan dating service. They’ll hook you up! Soon you and your smug mate will be smugly typing on your dual Macbooks together, glancing across the room at each other lovingly in between posts on your Mobile Me blogs about how awesome Apple products are. Who cares if the concentrated levels of smugness might grow so toxic that its very weight could rip a hole in space and suck the entire universe through a smug black hole — a smughole, if you will?
P.S.: I own both an iPhone and an iPod touch. I love them to death. I just know where to draw the line, mmmkay?
The headline on Slashdot says it all: Microsoft To Construct iPod/DS/PSP Killer. Again with the “killer” crap! What can we learn from this? Anytime you see a product reported as a “killer” you can immediately dismiss it as a clueless blogger or an idiot ad executive talking out of his arse. The comments on Slashdot about this are pretty entertaining, too.
The tech blogs are all atwitter today after learning that Microsoft has been working on their own “Photoshop killer” and had recently stopped work on it in order to focus on other things. OK, am I the only one getting sick of the way new, competing products are automatically called “killers”? How many times have we heard the term “iPod killer” for instance? Oh, zillions. “The Zen Micro is Creative’s new iPod killer!” Uh-huh. Every new portable media player that comes out now is somehow an iPod killer. And how many have succeeded? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Same goes for iTunes. Remember when Napster was hailed as the “iTunes killer”? Funny, they’re struggling to get new subscribers while iTunes jusd sold its billionth song. Yeah, iTunes is dead all right.
The list goes on: Skype, MS Office, Internet Explorer, XBox, Playstation 2, Sony PSP, Nintendo DS…competing products have come out against all these established brands and all have been labeled “________ killers.” Sigh. It’s time to get some new terminology, people…not every new product has to be branded a killer of its competition. (Someone on Slashdot had the exact same reaction.) Besides, the idea that anything can “kill” the iPod or outperform Photoshop, especially something from Microsoft, is downright laughable. *snort*
Oh boy, here we go again: another mindless, babbling twat whose sole goal in his meaningless little life is to somehow “destroy the iPod cult.” His childish scribblings about iPods and conspiracies and brainwashing reveals a mind slowly losing its grip on reality. He accuses the iPod of creating a society of people who don’t communicate because they’re too absorbed in their own little musical worlds, yet he admits to toting around a Sony portable CD player. Gee, no holes in that argument. He even goes so far as to suggest that the iPod is related to the Number of the Beast! Hah! Oh, that’s rich. Judging from his writing style, if you can call it that, I’d say he’s in his late teens or early 20’s and is still living with his parents. But that’s just a wild guess.
A true low point of his site is where he goes to great lengths to ridicule a photographer who told him to remove a copyrighted photo from his site, rather than do the honorable thing and take it down. He admitted to stealing the photo, but didn’t have the balls to remove it from view. Jesus, this guy needs to lose his virginity pronto.
Some 19-year-old brat decided that he hated “iPod Revolution” so much that he just had to smash one. Gee, I guess he wanted his 15 minutes of fame early. So he asked for $400 in online donations. Once he got the money, he went out and bought a new iPod, then smashed it and put the video online for all the other iPod-haters out there. OK, assuming that this guy isn’t scamming people, which is a possibility (how do we know he didn’t smash an older model and keep the new one for himself?), I just have to wonder how empty his life must be if he needs to destroy something expensive just because he “doesn’t like it.” Jesus, what if he decides he doesn’t like blacks or homosexuals or people with red hair? Look out, here comes that guy with a baseball bat…duck and smile for the camera! Anyway, I didn’t waste time watching the video, but from what I’ve read, it’s pretty lame. Now that he’s destroyed this little piece of electronics, I’m sure his life has transformed and the iPod Revolution will crumble to pieces. Oh, wait…nobody cares! He’s already trying to get donations for smashing a new XBox and Playstation 3, etc., but I can’t see this thing continuing much longer. Your 15 minutes are up, kid. Time to get a job.
I was listening to Morrissey’s new live album “Live at Earls Court” on my way to work this morning (hey, it was an impulse buy from that “illicit” Russian site). Of course he covers some classic Smiths songs, and in the song “Bigmouth Strikes Again”, there’s a lyric that goes And now I know how Joan of Arc felt / As the flames rose to her roman nose / And her Walkman started to melt. However, I noticed that he changed the word “Walkman” to “iPod.” Ha! I can’t help taking a little dorky pleasure in that…
It’s fun (and sort of pathetic) to read about how gullible people can be whenever something “free” is offered. We should know by now that when someone says “Hey, want a free iPod?” it’s not really free. Those banner ads for free iPods are all over the web, and people fall for it all the time. The trouble is that strings will be attached, and most likely it will cost you money in some way or another. I see these offers all the time, and it’s an obvious sham once you read the fine print…you have to sign up for all kinds of spammy services, you have to agree to purchase this or that from their sponsors, and (most evil of all) you’ll likely have to get several of your friends to join up as well. It’s just a giant ugly mess, and yet people are so enticed by it that they’re willing to do anything to get that “free” iPod. It’s just another way for marketing people to pull the wool down over your eyes. P.T. Barnum had it exactly right.
From the “No Free Lunch” file, let’s take a look one of the more widespread offers circulating online for a free Apple iPod.
This one is from something called Incentive Reward Center, which is typically reached via Web-site banner ads and promises a “free*” iPod that normally sells for $399.
In the asterisked fine print below, the firm says that receiving your free iPod depends on the following conditions: “completion of offer terms,” “completion of user survey” and “participation in sponsor offers.”
What it doesn’t say is that the offer terms will expose you to reams of spam and marketing solicitations, that the user survey is actually a lengthy marketing ploy, and that the sponsor offers needed to qualify for that free music player will almost certainly cost you money.
It also doesn’t say that Incentive Reward Center is in fact a Florida business entity called Theuseful.com, which is in fact a fictitious business name registered by another Florida business entity called NiuTech.
Oh my GOD, this is just too funny. The folks over at airbagindustries.com have put together a faux product page for the new iPod Ashlee Simpson Karaoke Edition. Not only does it look like an official Apple page (I’m wondering how long it’ll take for their lawyers to complain), but it reads like one. Be sure and read the instructions on the back of the unit.
OK, I’ll admit it: I’m an iPod whore. I take it with me most places, and I’ve got my music collection painstakingly organized the way I want it. I don’t buy lots of gadgets for it, but I do have a carrying case with a flip-up face and a handy belt clip. An iTrip is next…yeahhh, baby. There are tons of accessories out there for the iPod, but I usually have no interest… But I’m also a sucker for things that glow in the dark, and this is looking like plain goofy fun… Behold, the iPoDonut! It’s a glow-in-the-dark sticker for your scroll wheel. And look at the different patterns they have! Oohhhhh…. OK, I’m back. 🙂