Oh boy, here we go. Just in time for Halloween, naturally!
Salem witch takes warlock to court over alleged harassment
BOSTON (AP) — A Salem, Massachusetts, woman who calls herself a witch priestess is taking a self-proclaimed warlock to court over accusations of harassment.
Harassment by a warlock? OMG how scary! Is he sending malicious forces to her house to mess with her pets? Did he hex her car so it wouldn’t ever start again? What??
The 75-year-old Sforza accuses Day, 45, of repeatedly calling her late at night from a private number and swearing at her, said Fiore Porreca, an attorney representing her. Sforza, who goes by the business name Lori Bruno, also alleges Day made malicious posts about her on social media.
Oh. That’s it? Online harassment and prank calls? Well that’s a bit…mundane. Anyone who calls himself a “warlock” and can’t even produce a decent hex against his foe probably needs to get his wand checked or something. It happens to a lot of guys his age.
So what’s their relationship? Did they once share great adventures on the spirit plane weaving complex spells to combat the dark Lovecraftian forces lurking just beyond the veil of our reality? Something tells me I’m going to be let down again…
Sforza and Day were once business associates in Salem, Porreca said. They also made headlines in 2011 when they cast spells together to try to heal actor Charlie Sheen, who had called himself a “Vatican assassin warlock” during an interview on national television.
Wow. Sounds like they both need some extra spelling lessons (sorry) because Charlie Sheen is clearly still batshit crazy.
This stuff always cracks me up. You always hear about these witches and warlocks with grand reputations, but you never actually see them do anything truly magical — because they can’t. They’re just regular people with regular problems like the rest of us. It’s cute that they play dress-up for a living, though. Whatever pays the bills, right?
My cousin, who lives in London, recently posted this to Facebook and it just begs to be shared. Her caption: “Halloween in England. Sigh.” All they’re missing is one for minstrels in blackface — OMG wouldn’t little Katie look absolutely darling in that?? (Correct answer: no.)
On a lighter note, we had a BLAST last weekend for Halloween. We dressed up as drunken German beer wenches. Critter was the pretty one and I was the homely one with makeup issues. He actually spent a lot of time learning to do his makeup, since he had never really done it before. He did my makeup too, giving me some wonderfully hideous eye shadow. I had something “special” in mind for the lipstick, so I found the ugliest color I could and applied it with a nice, shaky hand. Dabbing some on my teeth was the masterstroke! (I got the idea from an episode of “Mad Men”.)
Critter’s dress is actually an authentic dirndl from Germany, which was completed with a beer stein handbag. Mine was rented from a local shop, but it had the perfect frumpy look. I bought a fake beer mug online which looks very real, so that was my prop (costumes are always more fun with a prop). So together we went out to The Cuff, a local gay bar known for having a great costume crowd. We mingled, chatted up other characters, took photos with people, danced our asses off, and got quite drunk on vodka and Goldschlager. All in all a hell of a time, despite not running into even one person we knew.
The full photoset is here, but here are a few shots from the evening!
I was Googling around for some Halloween costumes, thinking about maybe a beer garden wench sorta thing, so I was focusing on “plus size” costumes since I’m not exactly petite enough to fit your average dress. At some point I ran across some Womens Plus Size Opaque Tights on an accessories page. See if you can spot the problem! Here, I’ve highlighted a few key areas. 🙂
Christ, is that thing even human??
At KB Toys, they’re having a “Pre-Holiday Sale” (consumerist.com) just in time for Halloween! In fact, they’ve sort of combined Xmas and Halloween into the same holiday altogether, like most stores (Target loves to do this as well). Doesn’t that just make you want to puke up a lung? I just LOVE the pumpkin wearing a Santa hat. Also, notice the microscopic caveat “up to” on the ginormous “50% OFF” thing. Those sneaky bastids.
Ah, another fun Halloween night! Critter and I dressed up and went out to The Cuff for the costume contest, and also to get trashed and dance. His costume was Catholic Schoolgirl Out Late, and after a lot of though, I decided to be Jesus Christ. I didn’t take a lot of photos but I did get some good ones, which are posted in my Halloween gallery.
I wanted to have some sort of prop, but Jesus didn’t really have props…and a shepherd’s staff was too Moses-like. Critter suggested some nail-holes in my hands, which was a great idea. I got some latex bullet holes and glued them on with spirit gum, then applied some blood makeup to make ’em look nice & juicy. They looked pretty realistic… A final touch was to wear one of my “The Pope Scares Me” buttons. Critter did his own makeup and was decked out in green fishnets, a stuffed bra, fancy lashes, glow-in-the-dark nail polish, and a wig with wires in the pigtails, which made for a hell of an outfit. Fun! And scary. 🙂 So we ate some baked goods (use your imagination) and headed for the bar, and from there it was an evening of chatting with friends, drinking, dancing (picture Jesus and a Catholic schoolgirl writhing sluttily on the dancefloor), and just being dorks in general. Funny, I think I have more fun with Halloween now than I ever did as a kid.
Mirroring a story last year about a Seattle elementary school which banned Halloween parties because Wiccans complained that it was insulting their religion, today we hear that a Boston school has decided to ban the holiday as well. Wiccans don’t seem to be involved this time…I suspect that two or three parents felt their children would turn into little satanists if they went to school with all those scary costumes and candy around, so the school caved and got rid of it outright. Isn’t this a little extreme? Yeah, it’s a silly “holiday” but the kids enjoy it. If parents are really that concerned, why not let them vote on it? Hold a big meeting and let them cast votes. Don’t let two or three people dictate what everyone else can or can’t do. Show some backbone and use the democracy you have at your fingertips, people!
Anthony and I spotted this pumpkin on the porch of a house in Capitol Hill, Seattle. Brilliant!!
If any of you Seattleites were at the Halloween shindig at Neighbours last Saturday night, you might have seen a blue-faced freak stroll in carrying a mannequin head under his arm like a football. Gee, who was that? Anyway, I felt a little silly carrying her around at first, but I tossed down a drink and jumped onto the dancefloor…before I knew it I was bumpin’, pumpin’, jerkin’, and throttlin’ that head to the beat for the next 3 hours.
That head had a mind of her own… She danced with hot studs and cute chicks, glared nastily at people who cut in front of her, mocked other dancers, danced with herself in a mirror, and occasionally rose high above the crowd to rock and bang to the beat during the climax of a song. Yes, she freaked out many a Halloween-costumed dancer that night! One girl actually grabbed her and began to give her serious oral action. I had to cover my eyes at that point… Anyway, I staggered out of there about 3 a.m., barely able to walk and smudged with green and blue all over, but very satisfied. 🙂
Happy Halloween, kids! And remember to eat so much candy that ya get sick and have to get your stomach pumped at the hospital. May as well get the most out of this “holiday”, hmmm?