Yes, we all know that your kids are an extension of you, and that’s your biggest problem. You’re programming them with a taste for the kind of ridiculously overpriced (and, I must say, quite hideous) clothing you somehow think they would naturally choose for themselves, but let’s be honest: it really just comes down to molding your kids into a Mini Me version of yourself because it makes you feel better about getting older.
Meet the parents spending thousands on kiddie couture
But these pieces — each with a price tag of $1,420 — are not for Monteiro to wear herself. A girl’s size 6 and a toddler size 2, the Bonnie Young outfits are for her adorable daughters.
Vera, age 4, and Yasmine, 5 months, are accompanying their label-conscious mom on the upcoming business trip and will be packing dozens of designer clothes from their miniature closets back home in Fort Greene. “My kids are an extension of me, and if they look good, I feel good,” says Monteiro, 35, a financial analyst-turned-shoe designer. “They’re my priorities in life and it’s nice to splurge.”
Your baby just lifted its head? Gasp! You must TELL THE WORLD!
The most telling sentence in this story: “Many of our customers are affluent 30- and 40-somethings influenced by mommy blogs and actors who appear with their kids in celebrity magazines.” These “mommy bloggers” are notorious for being self-absorbed and turning their kids into little cult objects, so it’s not too surprising that they’re inspiring other self-absorbed parents to spend vast amounts of money on clothes their kids are too young to have an opinion about. It’s all for the parents’ benefit, to show the world their kids are somehow better. These are the same parents who use puke-inducing mobile apps like My Baby Just… to announce to the world every little thing their baby does, even though it’s not unique or special in any way and nobody really gives a shit.
Let your kids be kids. Quit smothering them with fashion and documenting every minute of their lives. Give your kids some room to breathe, for fuck’s sake.
I was Googling around for some Halloween costumes, thinking about maybe a beer garden wench sorta thing, so I was focusing on “plus size” costumes since I’m not exactly petite enough to fit your average dress. At some point I ran across some Womens Plus Size Opaque Tights on an accessories page. See if you can spot the problem! Here, I’ve highlighted a few key areas. 🙂
Christ, is that thing even human??
Hey, girls! Did you know that eating makes you FAT? Fat people are gross. In fact they’re not even human. So stop that eating. ‘Cause you don’t wanna get fat like THIS chick. She could really use some dieting tips, the fat ugly fatty!
Proto-fauxhemian clothier Urban Outfitters is messing with young girls minds by selling a T-shirt that says “Eat Less.” It probably doesn’t come larger than size 12. Sadly, this will not keep one fatty from eating 10 Double Downs at once.
And while we’re at it, can I one again state my utter contempt for any business which has the word “urban” in its name? Thanks.
The other day I was walking to my bus stop after work and passed a window display that made me do a double-take. Mannequins were dressed and posed as usual, but at their feet were white sculpted mushrooms. They even had a mushroomy logo painted on one of the windows. Naturally, I pulled out the camera. 🙂
Looks like Abercrombie & Fitch has invaded London. Strange, I thought they had already spread their wares around the U.K. Anyway, a writer for the Daily Mail decided to apply for a job there to see what all the fuss is about. Luckily he has male-model looks, which is apparently all they require of their staff. He published a great article about his mindless, soulless job selling overpriced, mediocre clothing to the buy-anything masses, and it’s an interesting read. Some of the highlights:
One model told me he’d been instructed to smile till his jaw ached. The room was empty at the time: “What do they want me to smile at: the clothes?” he muttered.
The company told us it was an equal opportunity employer. Funny, because all its visible staff are young and beautiful. The unattractive, the overweight and the disabled just don’t seem to make it on to the shop floor.
But employees who are not on public view are allowed to be slightly less attractive. The “impact team” is a group of workers who replenish the dwindling stock. They are often on the shop floor but don’t have to interact with customers in the same way. A manager told me: “The impact team don’t need to show the visual image of the store.”
Christ. The “visual image” of the store? Translation: we keep the ugly ones upstairs. The ones without six-pack abs, the ones whose faces would never make it into one of our “budget porn” catalogs, the ones we’re ashamed of but who do the hardest work. You must be pretty to work here, though we’ll gladly sell clothes to ugly people and tell them how hot they’ll look in them. Ahhh, another successful American export!
I have a special loathing for Abercrombie & Fitch because of all the twentysomething gay men (and deluded thirtysomethings) who insist on shopping there. Most of them tend to be skinny little twinks with frosted hair or jock types who describe themselves as “straight-acting.” They see a muscle-monkey in the store window and are instantly compelled to buy the clothes, which means they all end up wearing the same stuff and looking exactly the same. Aberzombies. But it reveals a certain shallowness that I’d rather not associate with, so maybe it’s not such a bad thing after all…
McDonald’s is sniffing around the big-name fashion labels in hopes of getting one of them to redesign its employee uniforms. Because, you know, Mickey D’s is the epitome of hip and is practically synonymous with names like P. Diddy (or Pee Dickey, or Dill Pickly, or T. Picky Diddlywinks, or whatever his name is this week). Personally I think they oughta make them clown suits. Why not? Work for the Clown, dress like the Clown, BE the Clown! However, their spokesman is even more ambitious: “The desire is to create uniforms that our crews would want to wear outside the restaurant environment.” Oh, that’s good stuff. I can totally see someone looking down at his grease-stained, fast-food-smelling McUniform and saying “Damn, I’m wearin’ this badass outfit to the clubs tonight, yo!” Or perhaps they’d just like their wage slaves to remain in uniform all the time, so they can never truly escape? It was probably just a general remark about the look they’re going for, but you never know with this company. Just between you and me, I like the little paper hats. Hey, maybe they can make them into little Golden Arches origami shapes!
Leave it to a French fashion designer to decide that today’s “macho man” is at home in ridiculous, pretentious foo-foo clothing.
Macho man is an endangered species, with today’s male more likely to opt for a pink flowered shirt and swingers’ clubs than the traditional role as family super-hero, fashion industry insiders say.
A study along these lines led by French marketing and style consultants Nelly Rodi was unveiled to Fashion Group International during a seminar Tuesday on future strategy for the fashion industry in Europe.
“The masculine ideal is being completely modified. All the traditional male values of authority, infallibility, virility and strength are being completely overturned,” said Pierre Francois Le Louet, the agency’s managing director.
Instead today’s males are turning more towards “creativity, sensitivity and multiplicity,” as seen already in recent seasons on the catwalks of Paris and Milan.
Look, Nelly (his real name, I might add): just because you’re seeing this stuff on the catwalks of Paris and Milan doesn’t mean it’s a new paradigm for manly men everywhere. Can you seriously imagine the typical American thick-necked macho jock type wearing a pink shirt spattered with yellow flowers? He’d rather be dipped in gravy and thrown to a pack of rabid poodles! I don’t know about you, but I don’t trust fashion designers to be the ones to psychoanalyze the men of the world the way they attempt to in this story. I know they like to try to dictate what everyone else wears by deciding what’s “in” and “hot”, but this is a bit of a stretch. But I’m just a lowly consumer…the French Fashion Elite™ obviously know a great deal of deep philosophical stuff that I’m completely missing. I’ll wear whatever you tell me to! Where’s my neon green tube top and matching thong?
These people are also using Reebok’s bullshitty slogan “I Am What I Am” as an example of the newfound freedom among straight men to bend the rules and do/dress as they please. Nevermind the fact that it’s a MARKETING SLOGAN which would be more accurate if it was “I am what I am as long as I’m wearing Reebok.” (In case the story has moved, since Yahoo stupidly moves news links after a few days, you can read a text version here.)
This one’s all over the news: a girl at a Florida high school wants to wear a tuxedo for her senior yearbook photo, which is apparently against the school’s dress code. So they’re chopping her out and making her father pay $700 for it to appear somewhere in the back of the book, away from her classmates. This is the school’s way of essentially segregating her from her friends forever as punishment for daring to dress differently. Unbelievable. The fact that she says she’s a lesbian may have something to do with their decision, but I think it probably has more to do with silly conformity rules amongst her stiff-assed elders: “Boys wear a tux, girls wear a gown! Everybody knows that. We can’t have gender-bending costume changes going on, it will throw the entire community into chaos. So wear your gown like a good girl and stop trying to be different. Get in your box and stay there!”
Yes, you probly are. Why? Cause your not a modle like me! Im beautifull, dont you think? And that makes me SO much better than you. Just look at you’re self! You wear those plain old cloths. You wear cheap perfum and departmint store shoes. And you have body fat. How can you possible be as good as me? OK, so I cant spel good or read good or work electric things, but as long as I have my one meal a day and throw it up later, I can do anything better than you. So worship me, you plain girl! I’m a modle!
Update: Oohhh, I got some nasty e-mails about this one! I’m not trying to say that I hate beautiful people. It’s just that the fashion world has too firm a grip on society, and they obviously emphasize (and encourage) beauty over brains. It’s all about how ya look, baby! Sure, it’s a stereotype…but can you deny that there’s truth to it?