Documenting this woman’s new spawn has become something of a tradition here at Quantum Moronics. First in 2004 (last paragraph), again in 2005, once more in 2007, and now here we are again. I must have missed spawn #18 and #19, perhaps a subconscious effort to not have to write about this crazy, irresponsible bitch and her disgusting horny husband again. But of course now I have to.
I bet you could drive this through her gaping, withered twatflaps.
The birth of a 20th baby from one set of parents is bound to raise some eyebrows — or drop some jaws and spur some expressions of horror. Add to the total number of children these tidbits: Mom is 45; the last Duggar addition — born in December 2009, three months early and at 1 pound, 6 ounces — began life in a neonatal intensive care unit; and the size of the family and its continued growth are the basis for a reality show.
On Tuesday, tweets included the unkind variety — “sick,” “stupid” and “out of control” — as well as the what-did-they-ever-do-to-you variety — “You are not impacted by them procreating.” And then there was the innocuous: “Have they not run out of names starting with J?” The kids are: Joshua, Jana, John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn-Grace and Josie.
The other day I was reading a news story on CNN.com and noticed a headline in the sidebar and gasped. It said, “Couple welcomes 17th child — and wants more“. No. Fucking. Way. When I saw “Arkansas” and “17th child” in the same sentence, I suddenly knew who the story was about. Meet the Duggar family (a.k.a. The Arkansas Baby Factory™), which has been pumping out a child every nine months for almost two decades, and there’s no end in sight. Their 17th unit just rolled out, and like all the ones produced before it, its name begins with the letter “J”. 17 kids, all with the same first initial. Isn’t that so cute you want to puke your fucking guts out? God, this family irritates me without even trying!
I first blogged about them in 2004 (last paragraph) and again in 2005, and it’s not any less astonishing today. (Perhaps it’s a new tradition?) It’s just so sad… So many kids need adoption, but no…Mrs. Broodmare feels compelled to keep filling her house with more J-spawn. Meanwhile, the
sperm donor father (unsurprisingly named Jim Bob) arrogantly keeps her knocked up so she can’t have a life outside of the house. Does she even go into labor these days, or does the baby just plop out wherever she happens to be standing? Maybe she ought to look into cloning so she can replicate a dozen babies at once. Why stop at one?
Another thing that struck me about all this: since they consider each child a “blessing from God” rather than the product of their incessant rutting, they are sure to be fiercely anti-abortion. Yet they refuse to save any children from that fate because they’re too busy dropping more cracker offspring into this increasingly shitty world. Yeah, some blessing. Welcome to Earth, little J-whatever. Here’s your number…please step aside and make room for the next.
Wow, this is fascinating: the folks at Dodger Stadium have just converted the entire right-field pavilion into an all-you-can-gorge section. Along with a jacked-up ticket price, it guarantees that you’ll be able to sit back and shovel unlimited amounts of frank-shaped processed entrails, grease-infused potato shavings, and carbonated liquid candy right into your drooling, gaping maw. And you won’t have to feel guilty, ’cause this is America and baseball is the all-American sport! It’s truly a Golden Age, don’t you agree?
Personally, I like to think about all those clogged arteries hemorrhaging at the same time. Hopefully during a game. While the Dodgers are losing. Hell, I might even tune in for that one…
So a 300-pound woman boarded a plane and was big enough to spread across two seats. The airline told her that she’d need to purchase another seat, since they have a policy stating that anyone who takes up two seats must pay for them both. She refused to budge, and security hauled her off the plane. On her way out she screamed at the other passengers that she was being removed “either because I’m too fat or too black or just a woman.” Then, of course, she sued the airline for racial discrimination and lost.
I’d like to direct a personal message to this lady. First off: shut up about racism, shut up about sexism. Don’t be stupid. It’s a matter of size, simple as that. Where’s the other person supposed to sit if you’re in both seats? Everyone knows that people who fill two seats end up paying for both of them nowadays, so why are you any different? Because you’re black and a woman? Hello! Race and sex have nothing to do with it. But you just want to play the victim from every angle because the airline is following through on its “customer of size” policies. If you don’t like the airline’s policies on larger passengers filling two seats, then attack those policies. Don’t accuse people of racism or sexism just because you didn’t get your way. Christ.
Just for the record, I don’t know if throwing someone off a plane for being too large is the best way to handle such a situation, but that’s really beside the point. I just get angry when someone shouts “racism” for no reason whatsoever, when actual victims of racism out there are trying to be heard.
O.my.god. I can’t believe I’m seeing this… In April 2004 I blogged about a woman in Little Rock who was pregnant with her 15th spawn (see the last paragraph) and was being honored for her “achievement.” Well, perhaps not surprisingly, she’s back. Michelle Duggar has just pumped out her 16th unit and is looking to have even more. She is truly a baby factory in the most literal sense.
Jim Bob Duggar, 40, said he and Michelle, 39, want more children.
“We both just love children and we consider each a blessing from the Lord. I have asked Michelle if she wants more and she said yes, if the Lord wants to give us some she will accept them,” he said.
Um, the Lord didn’t have anything to do with it. You just can’t keep your pants up, that’s all.
I can only echo what I said two years ago: how sad that this woman’s only goal in life is to remain barefoot and pregnant. And, of course, they’re sticking with the whole “J” theme, naming this one Johannah. Lovely. (I also love the fact that her hubby’s name is Jim Bob. Hyuk-hyuk!)
Lordy, those creeps at Golden Palace Casino are at it again. This time, they’re painting ads on cattle. They’re getting twice the bang for their ad buck, since people will drive by and see the cattle and the media is sure to report it like crazy (and certain bloggers can’t resist yapping about it).
On a side note, this story claims that PeTA is happy about the ads because one of the cows says “Go Veg” on it. But is painting healthy for cows? When my mom was a teenager, she and a friend painted a horse green for the local Christmas parade and it nearly died…but maybe paints are a little more animal-friendly nowadays!
All right, America! Today, the day after Thanksgiving, is traditionally the busiest shopping day of the year. Are you ready to open your wallet and follow orders? You know you are. You always do, because the media tells you to. Debt? Who cares? You can pay it off forever! It’s Christmastime, baby, and you’re gonna peck that mall clean ’cause shopping makes ya FEEL GOOD and that’s all that matters!