Just a little something whipped up. You know, anything to help his campaign…
Just a little something whipped up. You know, anything to help his campaign…
Let’s get it out of our system right now, shall we?
Reagan Reagan Reagan, and Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan-Reagan. Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan, Reagan Reagan with Reagan Reagan and Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan. Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan along with Reagan Reagan, so as to Reagan Reagan Reagan and Reagan Reagan with Reagan. Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan! Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan and Reagan! Yes! Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan, and Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan with Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan and a side of Reagan. Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan! Reagan! Reagan Reagan! Reagan Reagan Reagan! Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan! As a matter of fact, Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan. That’s right! Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan and Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan. Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan, Reagan Reagan, and Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan. Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan! Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan!! Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan. Seriously. Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan, Reagan Reagan, Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan, and Reagan Reagan Reagan with Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan. In conclusion, Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan, Reagan Reagan Reagan, Reagan-Reagan-Reagan-Reagan, and Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan with Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan Reagan. Thank you.
When will Fox leave us homos alone? Are they so bored with humiliating straight folks that they now have to turn their sights on us for a cheap ratings boost? Their rumored new gay-themed reality show “Seriously, Dude, I’m Gay” is coming soon (if it hasn’t been killed yet strictly on principle), and it takes exploitation of stereotypes to a seriously fucked-up new level. I think it’s time to start making some angry phone calls.
This is just too stupid for words. This dumbass is actually vowing to destroy a turkey who scratched his precious gas-guzzling SUV. “My vehicle just depreciated quite a bit. But that doesn’t matter. He’ll be in the freezer soon.” Somebody please slap this guy and tell him to grow up, would ya please?
This is just too funny. Beware the pink dinosaur! Who says scientists have no sense of humor?
I sure didn’t hear much about this in the news when it happened: The General Accounting Office classified three videos produced by the Bush administration about new Medicare laws as PROPAGANDA. That’s right! Imagine, propaganda coming from the Bushies! Who knew? Ho-ho!
Here’s a great story about men and eating disorders. People may not believe or admit it, but men do suffer body image anxiety as much as women do. We’re constantly told and shown what “real men” looks like, and how we need to look if we wanna be hot & sexy. This is all defined by companies with a profit to make, of course, but we believe it anyway.
This widely-reported story was a shock, but of course the military defended its actions. We can’t possibly let an Iraqi wedding party slip by without dropping a few bombs and killing some innocents, can we? The cake may have been a BOMB, for crissakes!!
Ahhh, the spirit of the sports world is alive and well in Pleasantville, NJ, where the coaches of a middle-school basketball team lured one of their players to a special awards banquet for a “special award”…which, of course, turned out to be a Crybaby Award, which publicly humiliated him to no end. At least one of these asshole coaches has been fired since this was first reported…I hope they never coach (or teach) anywhere ever again.
So the parents of Spc. Lynndie England, who was photographed posing with abused Iraqi prisoners, deny that their daughter is responsible for any of this. Well, of course they deny it. Some parents can’t imagine that their son or daughter could be such a callous person, but it really does happen. You all have seen the photos…look at her! Cig hanging from her mouth, big stupid grin on her face, hands pointing at prisoners’ crotches…even holding a leash tied to a prisoner’s neck in one shot. Oh yeah, she was just at the wrong place at the wrong time, mmmHmmm. Bullshit. And lack of training is no excuse…you don’t need training to tell when human beings are being abused, tortured, and humiliated.
What is a McMoment and what does it have to do with the end of the show “Friends”? The ad executive who brought us Kodak Moments and the horrific Toys ‘R’ Us theme song is the perfect person to answer that one!
This one looks like it came right out of The Onion, but I swear it’s real. Apparently Steven Seagal has made a public statement that he supports Philippines presidental leader Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. Oh, thank God he supports her and not someone else! His opinion counts for so much. Yes, I think this is a lovely candidate for the “Who gives a shit?” file.
12 Reasons Why Homosexual Marriage
Should Not Be Legal
By the GatorGSA
Think twice about taking your photos to Walgreens for developing. Looks like their policy allows employees to censor your photos if they decide they aren’t “appropriate” (especially if nipples are involved)…so you just might find your photos getting “lost”, as these guys did. Thank God that Walgreens is watching out for America’s morals! Unbelievable. All the more reason to get a digital camera, I say…let these narrow-minded nitwits censor someone else’s photos. Thanks to my friend Sandro for sending this one in. 🙂
What? The Army is letting rapist soldiers off the hook with minimal punishment? They’re lying and covering things up to save their own pathetic asses? No way!
“Okay, like, our sorority is gonna give blood at the blood drive, right? And, like, they don’t want us to, you know, give blood if we’ve got, like, recent piercings and stuff, you know? But, like, it’s totally okay to give blood anyway, ’cause, you know, we’re, like, a sorority and stuff, and we gotta win this contest no matter what! Come on, girls!” Absolutely amazing. The fact that she sent out an email to 170 people is even more amazing.
OK, the “reality T.V. with a twist” thing has officially gone too far in its quest to humiliate people. Enter Superstar USA, which pretends to be a talent search like “American Idol” but is in fact a cruel joke. It’s actually looking for the worst singers in the country…but the contestants (of course) don’t know this until the winner is chosen, and he/she is finally informed that he/she is now officially the worst singer in the U.S. Isn’t that great? Entertainment for the whole family! Watch them lie and build up peoples’ egos, only to stomp them into the dirt while raking in millions in advertising. This is the lowest they’ve gone yet.
Why has Bush’s camp removed 25 reports from its Women’s Bureau website? I don’t know, but something smells…
So Nielsen Media Research starts using “people meters” to track what people are watching. They claim it’s their most accurate method of gathering viewer statistics yet, because it’s on every T.V., VCR, and game console in the house. So what happens when they suddenly show a sharp decline in viewership for shows featuring minorities? They blame the devices! Hey, Nielsen, why don’t you look at the quality of programming instead? Just because a show has an all-minority (or partial-minority) cast doesn’t mean it’s not a piece of crap. A crappy show is a crappy show no matter who’s in it, because everyone is at the mercy of scripting and storytelling…and if that sucks, everything sucks. Everyone can see that television is full of badly-written throwaway shows, so don’t blame the device for telling you the truth.
What, exactly, does it mean when your church minister brings out a rattlesnake during an Easter service, and the thing promptly bites him and he dies? From a religious point of view, does it mean that God allowed it to happen in order to teach a lesson? Does it mean that this minister wasn’t filled with the Spirit enough to garner God’s protection from the snake? Or does it mean he was dumber than a box of hair? Regardless of what version of God you believe in, we all have to agree that God sure knows how to entertain us.
Here’s one more reason to recognize gay couples as a legitimate union. Someone recently told me how great George Bush is, because she and her husband filed joint federal tax returns and they got a huge tax break. So I said, “Wow, I’m glad you got a great deal…I, on the other hand, can’t do that because I’m not a straight married man. My partner and I (assuming I still had one) wouldn’t have that luxury because we’re being punished for being born the way we were.” That pretty much ended the conversation, I think.
Funny (and fitting) how, when people put “idiot” and “president” together in the same sentence, they automatically think of President Bush. Take this clothing tag, for example…
Now, this is the kind of change we need in schools: get rid of the junk machines, get rid of the fast food garbage in the cafeterias, and replace it with something that has some nutritional value. Tell PizzaHut/Pepsi/Coke/McDonald’s/TacoBell to piss off and take their corporate money elsewhere, because their money is no longer going to turn these kids into fat, miserable, unhealthy teenagers.
McDonald’s is starting to squirm. Now they’re selling this Adult Happy Meal which consists of a salad, a bottle of water, and a pedometer. Um, too little too, late, Ronald. You’ve gotten America addicted to your crap, and now you want to try to do something good with a salad and a step-counter? It’s going to take more than that. The name alone is probably enough to put most adults off…Adult Happy Meal just sounds childish, as if the company is talking down to adult customers like a parent to a child. “Now, Billy, you just eat this Adult Happy Meal” and run along…”
The question this interesting article asks is: “Is Barbie past her shelf life?” Dear God, let’s hope so. 50+ years of teaching little girls that the most important things in life are 1) perfect hair, 2) perfect body, 3) perfect house & car, 4) closeted boyfriend is far too long. Of course, these Bratz dolls are hardly an ideal successor, with their scowling little attitude-stricken faces, but it’s fun to see Barbie finally start her journey down the long, menopausal road of irrelevancy.
One more reason to hate spam and plot its demise: it not only clogs your mailbox, but chances are that it’s bugged. Once you open one up, it will report back to its masters that your account is indeed active…and that means they can go ahead and send more spam. So next time, don’t read the stuff, just delete it and forget it. (And turn off that Preview Pane in Outlook, for cryin’ out loud!)
So Bush & Dick were questioned for a whole thee hours, eh? Oh well, I’m sure it wasn’t a big deal…after all, they were in the Oval Office, where all serious questioning takes place. And these two were in nice, cushy chairs in front of a fireplace…sounds more like a cordial chat than a questioning to me. These guys had it soooo easy, it’s almost criminal. I would rather have seen them sweating and leaning forward to speak into a microphone like everyone else.
This one was big news at the time: A U.S. contractor was fired for taking photos of military coffins. We don’t want our citizens to see the actual toll that this war takes on our soldiers, do we? No, that would be bad. Filtering the news is good. Now shut up, grab the remote, and open up another beer like a model citizen.
Hooray for the folks in Inglewood, CA for telling Wal-Mart to piss off! These supercenters only have one goal: to suck the life out of all the small businesses in town and become the only place where people can shop. I saw it happen in my own hometown, and it happens in towns all over the country. Sometimes Wal-Mart does this, then closes the store for whatever reason, leaving the area’s economy to wither on the vine because there’s nowhere for people to buy the things they need. But it’s all just business to them, nothing more. More towns need to say NO to Wal-Mart and other megastore companies. Small businesses can do just fine on their own, thank you.
Here’s further proof that some people belonging to a certain faith really need to suppress their violent tendencies. I mean, whipping the Easter Bunny in front of children as part of a church “show”? What the hell kind of message is that?? It just goes to show how some people have twisted Christianity into something sinister and threatening. God is not about violence and fear, no matter what these whack-jobs say and do.
Somebody please explain this to me. WHY is a mother of 14 children (pregnant with unit #15, no less) being honored for having so many children? Is it necessary to bring so many children (in a single family) into this world, and why are we rewarding this sort of thing? I know it’s a personal choice, and I would never say that a couple can’t have children. But to me, this reveals an irrational desire to breed like rabbits and carry on some sort of “legacy.” Can’t two or three kids do that? What’s the rationale behind having 15 children, and how many will be enough? How sad that this woman appears to have no other desires or goals in life other than to be barefoot and pregnant, which is probably just how her husband likes her. Remember that scene from Monty Python’s “Meaning of Life” where the woman is washing dishes and a baby falls out from between her legs? “Here comes another one!” It’s even more irritating when parents name all their children starting with the same letter…all 15 of these kids (and the dozens still to come) are all named Joshua, John-David, Josiah, Jinger (?), etc. *sigh*
I got this spam a few months ago and almost deleted it, but I thought it might be worthy of ridicule someday. It’s very simple…a webhosting company sent its sales-slaves out trolling for new clients. Their mission: take a casual trip through a potential client’s website and send them an email complimenting them on its design in hopes of convincing them to switch services. Note how he unexcitedly runs through a laundry of list of my Nina Hagen site’s basic features before launching into the sales pitch. It’s amusing, and also a bit pathetic…imagine being one of these guys who has to write up hokey emails to complete strangers and try to sound convincingly impressed. I realize that the marketing biz is all about survival of the fittest, but at the cost of personal dignity? “Wow, the colors on your site are amazing! And the menus…I mean, wow. The navigation is just — and I mean this, now — magnificent. May I kiss your ass, sir? Please? I really want to. Let me just nuzzle up between those cheeks and plant a big fat slobbery one right where it counts, because I’ll do anything to service the account, absolutely anything!”
Date: Sat, 9 Aug 2003 13:14:45 +0530 (IST)
Subject: Comments on your website ‘ Nina Hagen Electronic Shrine ‘
I visited your website Nina Hagen Electronic Shrine. The content, design and ease of navigation are top-shelf and it is obvious how much thought and work went into its development. This site is an effective medium to promote your services. This site is a comprehensive fan site featuring song clips, photos, lyrics, videos, stories of Nina sightings, links and mailing list information. The concert tours are well presented on the site. I liked the various lyrics given on the site. The content and layout of the site is fabulous. The black and blue color combinations used on the site make it all the more attractive. I appreciate your efforts that has resulted in this well made website. In this context I feel that the following offer would be of considerable interest to you.
I work in the marketing department of ADDR.COM (ADDR.COM is a professional web hosting and web design provider currently servicing over 60,000 customers) and if you would be interested in trying our services, I can offer you a full year of hosting for your site http://www.totalobscurity.com/nina/ completely free of charge.
[More marketing crapola snipped]
Sorry, “Terrence”, your silly and transparent email wasn’t enough to make me leave the fabulous Lunarpages for your company, even for a year’s worth of free hosting. Maybe if you pucker up a bit more next time…
BookedSpace is a company is so evil that its “corporate website” consists of a blurb about how you should love them…along with a tool for removing their hellish, parasitic spyware from your PC. They obviously got so many complaints and bad press about their assholery that they put this up to placate everyone who wants to be rid of them. Their crap is installed by other evil companies who bundle it with their software, and you never know it’s there until your computer becomes hijacked by pop-ups and spam. My friend Scott went through hell with this, and it took him days to regain control of his PC. Here are some articles and removal instructions for this ShitWare… (Can you tell I hate spyware? 🙂
This is a doll. She has her own album now. That’s right. A doll has an album. A doll. Yes, she does. She’s a doll. With an album. An album you can buy. And listen to. This doll has actually got an album. Listen to me… This doll here, this doll, has AN ALBUM! Do you understand? Yes, that’s right. A fucking DOLL with an ALBUM. For sale. With music on it. Do you know what this means? A plastic DOLL! Singing! On an album! Listen to me! It’s singing cover songs! A plastic DOLL singing! For sale! Doll! Album!!
The Dark Ages are alive and well in Rhea County, Tennessee. These people actually want to ban homosexuals from living there. “We need to keep them out of here,” says one official. Actually, I have a better idea. Let’s just build a nice big wall around your little shithole county so you’ll be free to live isolated and ignorant. You can keep inbreeding and producing hateful, ignorant little spawn who will grow up to be hateful, ignorant adults. We’ll call it the Zoo for Morons and charge people admission to come watch you in all your evil, hate-filled glory. Sound like a plan?
Oh, I just love it when companies like Coca-Cola are immensely embarrassed. Not only is their Dasani water not “mountain spring water” (it’s common filtered tapwater), but their process of adding “essential minerals” actually adds some toxic, cancer-causing elements. Isn’t that rich? I’m extremely entertained watching them squirm their way through this one, oohhhhh yes!
This highly amusing article appeared on Salon.com… Apparently Starbucks thinks that some people out there need special help with ordering a drink, so they’re spelling it all out in a special instruction manual. I must confess that the first time I stepped into a Starbucks on my first day as a Seattle resident, I took one look at the menu and froze like a deer in headlights. With several people waiting in line behind me, I thought to myself, fuck it…I’m getting a chai tea. I’ll deal with the coffee thing later. But eventually I dove in and ordered a latte, and answered the questions when they came up (What size? Milk or soy? Any flavor?). It really wasn’t so bad. Does it require an instruction manual? I don’t think so, but maybe Starbucks feels that they’re losing some potential customers who are too terrified to order anything. I’d love to see this book… I’ve noticed that their menus have changed as well, they’re arranged into a step-by-step process, which is actually kind of helpful.
Oh, that Bush…he’s such a kidder! Joking about WMDs during a media dinner, pretending to look around his office and not finding them. Now, that’s funny! It’s even funnier when you consider the hundreds of U.S. troops who have been killed because of his bullshit reasons for going to war. Yeah, that’s a RIOT!
Wow, this study says that bad eating habits are eventually going to overtake tobacco as a leading cause of death in our country. I absolutely believe it. Like the article says, we’re eating ourselves to death, and people don’t seem to mind. Here, little Bobby, have another hamburger…
Isn’t this hysterical? Some tickets for Mel Gibson’s bloodbath film “The Passion of the Christ” had the number 666 printed on them. How can you not enjoy such a delicious coincidence??
All these viruses which are causing so much havoc in our email systems are the product of whiny little programmers with a preschool mentality and penis-size issues, as this story shows us. They’re trying to outdo each other with all this virtual posturing…it’s just pathetic, and we’re the ones who suffer for it.
Masonic rituals are known for their violent, sadomasochistic nature, and this time some poor sap paid the ultimate price for it. Would you let a 76-year-old fart wearing a fez point a gun at you?
George Carlin had a few things to say about Nipplegate. He said much more to Salon.com which was more interesting, but it’s always good to hear from him about silly current events.
Wow, some people in Paris are really becoming a thorn in marketers’ sides. They’re vandalizing advertisements in the subways…even little old ladies are getting in on the action. I envy that…if I had the balls (and the time), I’d go around doing stuff like this too.
This is absolutely outrageous: our own Defense Secretary actually kept a piece of 9/11 wreckage as a souvenir! Jesus! Why isn’t this man being charged with removal of evidence from a crime scene or something? Oh, wait…his crowd is above the law. I almost forgot. I’m sure the families of those killed in the attacks will understand.
Wow, this is absolutely fascinating: a journalist actually confessing that he and his media brethren are guilty of handling the Iraq War coverage like amateurs by swallowing whatever the government told them and not checking facts or asking difficult questions. They misled the public, manipulated their emotions with sensationalism, and took whatever Bush’s gang said as the gospel truth. Too bad he’s pretty far down on the journalistic ladder…you’ll never hear one of the big network hotshots saying anything like this. Nope, too much truth involved.
What? Fructose is linked to obesity? You don’t say! Yeah, no shit. When you see “high fructose corn syrup” as one of the first three ingredients in something you’re about to eat, just remember that you’re eating something drenched in pure sugar. From lips to the hips, baby…that’s what it boils down to. And this is what people feed their kids on a daily basis. The scum who market this junk to kids aren’t innocent, either…they are a major part of the problem and they need to take some responsibility. But as long as people keep buying this crap and eating it, nothing will change.
This is just wonderful: Bush’s website allows people to generate their own campaign posters, but some people were having a bit of naughty fun with it and making some posters that no Busy supporter would be caught dead with. Of course, they fixed the problem so that you can only generate pre-approved messages, but I managed to download one of them and change the message to whatever I want… You can get them here. 🙂
According to this story, George Bush’s website has a tool which lets you create your own pro-Bush poster. Fortunately, a lot of mischievous people out there have been using it to make all sorts of anything-but-Bush posters. His webmasters disabled some of the functionality and now it only prints certain things, but it still creates a nice big .pdf file of the poster. And for those who have access to Acrobat Pro, well…let’s just say it’s a lot of fun. 🙂 Here’s one I did…
Here are some of my own fun poster slogans…I borrowed a few ideas and made up a few of my own.