This was supposed to be posted months ago but the nitwittery of the subject matter made it hard to finish. Better late than never?
I probably shouldn’t be so astounded that something like QAnon became such a massive “movement.” It’s a pro-Trump religious cult after all, and we’ve all seen how Trumpers don’t exactly question what they’re told to believe. Its followers believe everything Q says as if they personally know the people behind it aren’t lying to their stupid faces. So it’s basically a massive online Trump rally in that regard. (I was going to call it “political LARPing for retards” but decided against it.)
QAnon’s absurd theories have many levels, circles, and loops. Some of the most eyeroll-worthy claims:
- Furniture company Wayfair has been using their products to transport children in a sex-trafficking ring. That’s why so many of their closets have girl’s names. SO OBVIOUS!
- COVID-19 was engineered by Democrats/Bill Gates/George Soros/etc. to purposely hurt Trump’s presidency. OF COURSE!
- A shadowy cabal of Democrat and Hollywood pedophiles secretly runs the government as the “deep state”. OH YES!
- Hillary Clinton was running a sex-trafficking ring out of a Pizza parlor basement. (Technically this came shortly before QAnon, but many of his followers were early believers in “Pizzagate” and it was quickly absorbed into the Q canon, so it may as well have come from Q.)
- Robert Mueller and Trump were secretly working together against the “deep state” pedos and Mueller’s investigation was all for show. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT!
- Trump uses hand signals in his press briefings to make the shape of the letter Q, as a signal to QAnon followers. CAN’T YOU SEEEEE IT?
- JFK Jr. faked his plane-crash death and is living secretly as a Trump warrior. NATURALLY!
- Trump’s choice of necktie color sends out secret signals to QAnon followers. Example: a yellow tie during a COVID-19 press conference indicates “all clear” (the virus is fake). WATCH THE SIGNS!!1!1
So…yeah. They’re not exactly living in the same universe as the rest of us. They live in a world where pedophiles and sex traffickers lurk around every corner, and they don’t give a shit if their antics interfere with legitimate organizations who are actually battling this stuff. Their fixation on child sex is more than a little disturbing, if you ask me. They really seem obsessed with it.
Anyway, here are the most obvious signs that QAnon is a massive, bullshitty hoax, a collective delusion that’s going to fuck with our country for years.
- It was spawned on 4chan. 4chan is no more, but if you even halfway pay attention to internet culture, you know that if something originated on 4chan you should take it with a square-mile-sized grain of salt. 4chan was a playground for racists, incels, rape apologists, Nazis, and all the other dregs of humanity you can think of. They turned trolling into a sport, doing their best to make peoples’ lives miserable just to amuse themselves. QAnon is just a long-haul trolling campaign that has gotten wildly out of control.
- Trump is touted as a mighty warrior in the battle against evil. Are you fucking kidding me? You really think Trump is capable of doing anything that doesn’t personally benefit himself? Have you been paying any attention to his behavior at all? The man is an emotionally unstable, morally bankrupt, mentally declining sociopath who takes no action unless he gets something out of it. This is common knowledge, folks. Trump is incapable of being the savior of anyone but himself. Q’s followers say this is all an act to throw everyone off the scent of his secret heroic fight, which shows the rest of us that these fuckwits are able to rationalize literally anything to confirm their delusion.
- The targets. Just who is behind this evil sex-trafficking of children, you may ask? According to QAnon, it’s Hollywood elites and powerful Democrats. Specifically, Hillary Clinton. Oh, and the Jews (naturally). This is basically Trump’s 2016 campaign turned on its ear and severely perverted for maximum pearl-clutching. This means all those morons who are still fixated on Hillary’s emails can say “See? SEE?? I knew she was up to something!!”
- Declaring all media as part of the evil scheme…except Fox News and OAN. Because these two mouthpieces of the Trump admin, each with long histories of spewing provable lies, are the ones which have the real answers. They’re so totally unbiased! Riiiight.
- Failed “insider” predictions. Time after time Q has predicted things that never came to pass. Stuff like: Trump was launching a coup against the “deep state” and would open thousands of sealed indictments. There would be widespread civil disorder as a result. Then he’d declare martial law and order the military to take over. Yeah, how’s that going? The most famous failed prediction is probably when he said Hillary was going to be arrested in 2017. Whoops. These all had specific dates attached to them, and none of them happened. That’s why his more recent predictions have become more and more vague, leaving them up for interpretation and letting deranged imaginations run wild. Q followers actually don’t care if the predictions have completely failed, because they’re already used to waiting for the often-predicted End Times that never seem to come. It’s like a cult within a cult.
- Spoon-feeding “secret truths” to the gullible. This goes for all conspiracy theories: everyone wants to be in on a secret. Everyone wants to feel like they have answers, even if they don’t have any questions. It’s addictive, I know. The problem is that followers of Q aren’t willing to apply even a tiny grain of critical thought to what they’re reading and sharing. Instead they willingly guzzle it down, because it helps them feel less shitty about supporting an un-American, un-Christian, sexual predator piece of shit like Trump.
- When asked for proof of anything, the typical QAnon zombie goes glassy-eyed and repeats the phrase “Do your research!” As if that means or settles anything at all. For them, “research” is sitting on the toilet and looking at a bunch of shitty Q-related videos and memes.
- QAnon beefs up follower counts and sells tons of merchandise. Many “influencers” (god, I hate that word) on social media are injecting QAnon material into their regular content to pull in more followers and cash in on those sweet, sweet ad clicks. Even the yoga and spiritual communities are getting infested with it. It’s pretty gross. And there are tons of online shops hawking Q crap to those with money to flush down the toilet. Which is actually kind of funny in a “holy shit these people are dumb” kinda way.
There are probably more, but this is about as much as I can stand to write about it. The whole thing is laughable but also terrifying, because it signals a dangerous turn for this country and its psyche. It’s bad enough that so many people voted to keep Trump for a second term, but a large group of them are also these QAnon dipshits. And now we have Q supporters in Congress. Fuuuuuuck.