Update 12/10/18: Just saw a new one on Daily Kos: Mango Mussolini.
Update 7/30/17: At a reader’s request, I removed the image of PigTrump as it was an insult to Porcine Americans. It’s been replaced by a more appropriate image based on a famous Twitter remark. 🙂 Also added that awesome meme of Scottish insults.
Update 11/4/16: Added a few more to the bottom of each list, plus some just for his hair. I know I’m missing a lot of good Trump names but I jot ’em down when I can. You know, for posterity and stuff.
Time to lighten the mood! Since I can’t seem to ignore the bastard, I’ve started a running list of epithets for Donald Trump taken from various places around the interwebs. They’re not all zingers but some are truly fantastic.
I’ve only come up with two myself, though. While posting on Facebook recently I referred to him as “this orange-tinged bag of jingoist raccoon farts.” Not a bad start, I suppose. The other day the phrase “Third-rate Hitler cosplay enthusiast” popped into my head, so there you go. Feel free to comment with your own!
The infamous insult by @MetalOllie (and, later, @daylinleach).
Stephen Colbert:
- A microwaved circus peanut
- A honey-glazed tiger testicle
- A catheter bag full of candy corn
- A shriveled tangerine covered in golden retriever hair
From @midnight (one of the few shows I watch almost religiously — the linked video is great):
- Xenophobic sweet potato
- Wispy human queef
- Dissonant bagpipe powered by farts
- Living Donald Trump caricature of Donald Trump
- Douchebag-infested hairpiece
- Bigoted orangutan and casino mismanager
- Presidential candidate and cranky planetoid
- The Orange One
- The Magnificent Orange One
- Orange condom filled with rancid stew
- Jersey Shore ventriloquist dummy
- Corn-husk doll cursed by a witch
- Luminous marmoset
- Tangelo Fruit Roll-Up stretched over cat litter
- The larval stage of a yam
- Conistipated Cheeto
- Tangerine covered in cobwebs
- Feral shouting meatball
- Fancy deli meat sculpture
- The angriest pumpkin
- Shrieking buffalo wing that fell into a urinal
- Jingoistic bullfrog
- Narcissistic human airhorn
- Orange yelling machine
- Hotel magnate and bloated Jack-o-Lantern in a suit
- Spray-tanned ski movie bad guy
- A racist voodoo doll made of cat hair
From the “Throwing Shade” podcast (I know I’m missing some — these were all from a single episode!):
- Self-contained Human Centipede
- The dumpy garbage-troll from “Weird Science” zipped up in the skin of a gin-soaked 19th-century bodysnatcher
- Living, breathing, walking, talking pile of elephant diarrhea
- God’s ultimate mistake
- The physical embodiment of a cumfart
- Hustler magazine zipped up inside a leather gym bag that’s been treated with the
- finest human urine
- The world’s biggest turd with shoes
From Gawker:
- Exhaustive child
- $4 billion puddle of tinted moisturizer
- Wonka Factory escapee
- Open-Faced Quesadilla
- Idiot billionaire and face of YouTube’s popular “Annoying Orange”
- Noted Asshole
- Asshole-American
- Shrunken apple head
- Permanently open mouth
- Verbal Billionaire
- Deflated basketball
- Cartoon plutocrat
- Sentient overripe pear
- Melted creamsicle
- Rotting pumpkin time-lapse
- Fluffy bouffant
- Gaping mouth with a hairpiece
- Oozy lather of absurd hyperbole
- Dick-nosed baldy
- Perpetual asshole
- Serially bankrupt business mogul
- Television clown
- Bloated spawn of a Penn Station ashtray and Nickelodeon slime
- Legitimate hairstyle choice
- Anthropomorphic caterpillar
- Toupee’d buffoon
- Bloviating billionaire
- Idiotic rich man
- Vibrating Bologna loaf
- Deflated football
- Human embodiment of hotdog filling
- Toupee-wearing Orangina Fuckhole
- Sentient bottle of self tanner
- Short-fingered vulgarian
- Rejected Richie Rich Villain
- Corndog that escaped from the state fair
- GOP Presidential candidate and Bone-in Ham
- Walking sun dried tomato
- Presidential candidate and human Kewpie doll
- Adult male baby with the combover and personality of a 30 pound toddler
- Melting pig carcass
- Human cystic acne pus
- Millionaire and disgraced racist
- What would happen if a caps lock key was granted one wish and that wish was to come to life
- Fabulist cheddar critter
- NOT a Fetal-Mafia Truther (i.e. Ted Cruz)
- Unreptant Bigot
- Ralph Steadman illustration come to life
- Noted Donald Trump enthusiast
- Grimacing Cheeto Fart
- Everyone’s Favorite Screaming Steamed Carrot
- Cursed Halloween Mask
- Presidential candidate and bag of flour
- Enraged animated creamsicle
- Woody Allen impersonator and Incessant Tweeter
- Time-displaced Sopranos extra
- Melted candle impersonator
- Bloviating caricature of a businessman
- Disgraced Pope impersonator
- Cable News Fever Dream
- Shoehorn with teeth
- Lint-crusted dried apricot
- Billionaire Siberian Tiger Hairball
- Miss Cleo cosplay enthusiast
- Petulant slice of stinking, festive shit-pie
- Noted Racist Donald Trump
- KKK Scion
- Cranial bee sting victim
From Jezebel:
- An ambitious corn dog that escaped from the concession stand at a rural Alabama fairground, stole an unattended wig, hopped a freight train to Atlantic City and never looked back
- Orange asshat
- Four-time bankruptcy filer and seething hernia mass
- Bone-in ham
- Sun-dried tomato
- A shithead
- Adult blobfish
- Deflated football
- Fart-infused lump of raw meat
- Melting pig carcass
- Disgraced racist
- Talking comb-over
- Human equivalent of cargo pants that zip away into shorts
- Cheeto-dusted bloviator
- Fuzzy meat wad
- Bag of flour
- Human turd
- Not in any way sexist, you bimbos
- A man who cherishes women
- Future leader of the free world
- Decomposing ear of corn
- His own best parody
- A rich idiot … willing to allow garbage to fall out of his mouth without batting a single golden lash
- Pond scum
- Noted troll
- The class clown that everyone wishes would be quiet and let the class learn
- Melting businessman
- The person still inexplicably leading the Republican presidential primary
- Wax museum figure on a very hot day
- Soggy burlap sack
- Bag of toxic sludge
- Your next president and ruler for life
- A brightly burning trash fire
- Impoverished urchin
- Aggressively stupid
- Great judgment-haver
- Man-sized sebaceous cyst
- Enlarged pee-splattered Sno Cone
- Empty popcorn bag rotting in the sun
- Man-shaped asbestos insulation board
- Hair plug swollen with rancid egg whites
- Inside-out lower intestine
- Dusty barrel of fermented peepee
- Usually reasonable burlap sack full of rancid Peeps
- Degloved zoo penis
- Presidential candidate and bargain bin full of yellowing Jean-Claude Van Damme movies
- Hairpiece come to life
- Normal-looking human man and entirely credible choice as future leader of the free world
- Decomposing pumpkin pie inhabited by vicious albino squirrels
- A dishrag that on closer inspection is alive with maggots
- Lead paint factory explosion
- Candied yam riddled with moldy spider carcasses
- Enraged Gak spill
- The shriveled pinto bean you had to pluck out of your Chipotle burrito basket
- Human-sized infectious microbe
- Poorly-trained circus orangutan
- Chester Cheetah impersonator
- Lumbering human-like tardigrade
- A tiny piece of dried cat poop that you found in your rug
- A carnivorous plant watered with irradiated bat urine
- Prominent golem Donald Trump, a man who once withheld medication from his sick baby nephew
The New York Times called him “an insecure boasting little boy whose desires were somehow arrested at age 12.”
GQ Magazine called him “the Lex Luthor of our time.”
The New York Daily News called him “Dead clown walking.”
John Oliver called him many things, among them “America’s back mole — it may have seemed harmless a year ago, but now that it’s become frighteningly bigger, it’s no longer wise to ignore it.”
But wait! What about his hair?? Yes, there’s a list for that too. The Washington Post has put together the 100 greatest descriptions of Trump’s hair ever written, and these are my faves:
- An abandoned nest
- A decomposing ear of corn
- A corn husk doll cursed by a witch
- An ambitious corn dog that escaped from the concession stand at a rural Alabama fairground, stole an unattended wig, hopped a freight train to Atlantic City and never looked back
- The furrowed wake that a speedboat would leave on a lake of orange sherbet
- A Mobius combover
- The male equivalent of a push-up bra
- A mullet that died in some horrific accident
- Golden fleece
- Dyed the nascent yellow of a baby chick
- A hue best described as ‘Cigarette-stained-teeth blond’
- Burnt Cheetos auburn
- More flyaways than LAX
- More soft-serve swirl than Dairy Queen
- An aggressive cowlick gone rogue
- An unruly shrub
- An unfortunate situation
- The roll of sod that never looked quite right in your yard
- Farcical follicle humiliation
- Mexican feather grass
- A South American Flannel caterpillar
- The hair of 33 Barbie dolls
- A pancake hat
- Bread at the end of the loaf
- An airboat skimming the Everglades
- The halo of meticulously crafted bullshit
- A pumpkin having a nervous breakdown
- Decomposing pumpkin pie inhabited by vicious albino squirrels
- A viscous, bird-killing oil slick
- A very well-behaved guinea pig
- A dishrag that on closer inspection is alive with maggots
- A dead, furry lobster
- Diffused, unsavory salmon
- That thing
- Best left to an architectural critic
- A face on the top of his head. A twin, all but absorbed in the womb. The eyes move. The lips quiver.
- The grotesque, exhibitionist, peacocky mutation that adorns his skull
- A bridal-level updo
- An interdimensional, gravity-warping vortex
Anyone remember this? It was floating around quite a bit last year. Damn…don’t fuck with the Scots. A vastly larger list can be found here, it’s quite a read!
You idiots that are destroying what is possibly our last chance to wrestle OUR government away from the crooked cartel that has seized it should all be charged with treason ! The Clintons and the Bush family have destroyed this once great country with trade deals like NAFTA and TPP which send our jobs to other countries paying slave wages in return for huge kickbacks . They have prosecuted war after war to make themselves and their friends rich while turning the great country of America into strongarm thieves of America . Mr. Trump is a patriot who was more than happy with the life he had built but could no longer stand by and watch these criminals destroy everything they touched for their own selfish gain . He fights the good fight today against not only the democrats and the Hillary Clinton lie factory but the neocon republicans and the entire leftist media and people like you who are just too damn lazy to do your our research . You blindly follow people who have sold our ICBM technology to the Chinese that now have have our entire country targeted . They have supplied the outlaw country of N Korea with nuclear capability , sold Russia 20% of our national uranium reserves , given our enemies complete unfettered access to our state department resulting in the deaths of several intelligence agents , were in partnership with Saudi Arabia in the 9/11 attacks and supplied al qaeda with arms to start several wars in the middle east and north africa causing the refugee crisis that now threatens all of Europe and if Hillary & Obama have their way …America too. Ya , we do “lose our fucking shit” when we see moron traitors like you giving aid to the enemy !
LikeLike
I don’t deny that Hillary’s probably had a hand in shady political fuckery over the years, and I don’t think she’s the solution to all our problems by any means. But your solution to our corrupt political situation is…this guy? An openly racist, woman-hating charlatan with zero experience in office, bragging nonstop about being a YUGE success despite having had multiple failed businesses and a proven history of bullshitting loyal customers out of millions of dollars? A man who goes out of his way to insult Veterans, women, non-whites, and whoever else irks him? A man with an massive ego, yet it’s so fragile that one Twitter comment can send him over the edge? A man who cozies up with guys like Putin and traitorously asks Russia to hack his competition? A man who now contradicts every position he had (http://goo.gl/IafUBp)? A man who taunts protesters and encourages his fans to physically attack them, like ol’ racist George Wallace used to? The man can’t even handle a crying baby…he had it and its mother thrown out! Come on. The list goes on and on — the man is about as Presidential as Charles Manson.
If you want to clean house and change things in America, attack those who constantly vote to keep our government at the mercy of corporate interests and billionaires like the Koch brothers who to buy and sell candidates. Trump wouldn’t lift a finger to change any of that, because he’s one of them. He’s too busy hatin’ brown people and trashing parents of dead soldiers to worry about all that other stuff. The man is an utter buffoon and a national embarrassment. But he sure knows how to whip the xenophobic masses into a frenzy of fear, I’ll give him that.
These two candidates are apparently the “best” our system can produce, and between them she’s the only sane choice, though maybe not the most ideal one for many people. But we already have Putin and Kim Jong-un to deal with — we don’t need another unstable megalomaniac having access to nuclear weapons.
Short version: I respectfully disagree. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: It’s almost over! | Quantum Moronics
Candy corn diarrhea
LikeLiked by 1 person
What I have observed is that anytime Trump accuses anybody about anything it is because he is already doing it himself
LikeLiked by 1 person
From Michael Moore: Human Molotov cocktail. Favor, though, please please? Remove the top image, if you will. Pigs are sweet and smart and are arguably a far better species than the one that counts among its members Private Bone Spur. … Please?
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re right, pigs don’t deserve that! Done and done. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: On Politics No. 67: Trump Epithets – On Politics, History, and Education