Just plane crazy

aqNzwv7_700bSo the other day I was poking around the Kindle store looking for the “Tales from the Flat Earth” series by Tanith Lee, so I typed “flat earth” into the search box to see what came up.  And hoooo-boy was I surprised!

Books about Earth being flat are nothing new, but I didn’t know so many had been written in the past decade.  Even more mystifying are the rave reviews they’re getting from people who actually believe this easily-debunked pseudoscientific peepeecaca.  Reading them is like peering through a window to the world of willful ignorance.  And they don’t stop with the Earth being a flat plane, ohhh no.  Based on their reviews, here are a few of the other derpy things these people tend to believe:

  • The 9/11 attacks were a hoax/conspiracy/whatever
  • The Moon landing was a hoax/conspiracy/whatever
  • The Bible confirms the Earth’s flatness (!)
  • NASA has been covering up all of the above

Yeah, it’s a real smorgasbord of woo-woo all right.  Let’s take a look at some of these reviews, shall we?

First we have Terra Firma: the Earth Not a Planet, Proved from Scripture, Reason, and Fact.  Some nutjob wrote a book claiming the Earth is flat because somewhere in the Bible the planet is referred to as a “table.”  Or something like that…it really doesn’t matter.  But as we all know, fundamentalists of any religion often have trouble differentiating between metaphors and statements of fact.  You know, talking snakes and all that.  So here are some of this book’s better review bits on Amazon.

Irrefutable evidence
By xthred on December 12, 2014
Irrefutable evidence that we’ve been lied to. The Earth is indeed not a sphere. It is as the Bible has always said.

By Richard on September 13, 2015
I was deceived by the images that was taught to me through the world around me. But as soon as I understood that when GOD said it was a circle and not a ball I could see that Satan’s image was used so he could get the glory and steal from GOD what belongs to GOD.

By Jake McBlane on August 1, 2015
Excellent book. The author uses beautifully plain logic that is so far removed from us today. I especially enjoy the use of scripture because, as a Seventh Day Adventist, my authority for truth is the word of God.

The flat earth model is logical
By Amazon Customer on November 1, 2015
One of the best books I have read on the flat earth. This is not merely just a book for Christian, but for all who sincerely seek the truth. It is logical, and easy to understand. There are sections that deal with specific things that deal with subject matter that was contested many years ago when the book was written. All in all I would recommend this book to all interested in seeking truth, whether scientific or Biblical

Note how they claim the Bible is proving scientific facts.  Like wow, man.


Next we have the hilariously-titled Satellites are a Hoax & The Earth is Flat (Easily Proven).  Easily proven, hmmm?  If satellites don’t exist, tell me how you receive T.V. shows using that dish thing out in your yard.  I’ll wait while you come up with something.  This book doesn’t have many Amazon reviews, and the ones it does have are mostly negative.  But here’s one reader who clings to this absurd idea against all hope:

We live on a plane. Not a ball.
By Patricia Steere on July 8, 2015
The flat out truth. Everyone needs to know what’s really going on and why it has been hidden from you.

Now we come to The Flat-Earth Conspiracy.  Ooohhhh, a conspiracy!  This means there is a secret truth that’s been hidden from us for centuries by shadowy organizations…and somehow this one guy knows the ultimate truth!  Meh.  I think it’s pretty common knowledge that if you put the word “conspiracy” in your book’s title you’ll sell a shitload of copies, because lots of Americans shut their brains off and believe these “secret truths” without question.  It doesn’t matter how utterly implausible/insane it is — if you call it a conspiracy and it sounds plausible by sci-fi movie standards, you’ve got yourself an audience.  The flat Earth thing is no exception.  In fact, there are a lot of people who think the earth is actually hollow, not flat.  I’d love to see these two groups have a “truth-off” to see whose ideas are stupider…but I digress.  Here, check out these lovely nuggets:

Anyone who thinks they know conspiracy don’t know this! …
By James W. Lee on March 29, 2015
Anyone who thinks they know conspiracy don’t know this! 99.9% believe one way, taught by alleged new prove it science some 500 yrs. back. The biggest of the big boys of modern astronomy, Copernicus, Kepler, Newton and Galileo…and the along come NASA in 1958 to take the myth high into the impossible sky as laid out by these titans of planetary movement and motion.

…This book is the first in 3/4’s of the century on a topic which was common knowledge for 3500 years in ancient times and is fully laid out in bibilical scripture, that we live on a plane, flat round earth.

Get this book before you can’t. Then question everything. When one ponders the flat plan earth theory, all falls into place as to why we see the sun and the move move through space. Why we never, ever feel motion when we are allegedly spinning 1,000 mph on axis and some 1,000 mp/Sec around the Sun each and every year as we are pasted to the Earth, oceans and all, due to gravity, but a monarch butterfly is seemingly not affected.

…It’s all a lie and Mr. Dubay deserves a big thank you, yet will probably have to wait a few decades before others understand the magnitude with what he has already achieved by getting this book out so we all can awaken a lot more.

Flat Earth: It’s True
By slant6guy on July 21, 2015
…- Airline routes make sense on a Flat Earth! That explains why the odd layovers that seem to be so out-of-the-way concerning the final destination.
– How a lighthouse can still be seen many, many miles away when its supposed to be under the “fake” curvature of the Earth. Same for ships sailing away from sight can still be seen with a telescope.
– Why Polaris (the star) *never* seems to move if we are all moving at the break neck speed across the Universe: because the stars orbit us!

For those that poo-poo this, I suggest they try to go to Antarctica and see for themselves as to how far they will NOT get before being stopped by some government military guarding the secret of this flat world we live on. I was in the military and my unit went to Antarctica and they were closely monitored to stay in sight of those there on the scientific research base there.

People knock this book because they “think” know the world is round: they should stop thinking they know everything that’s been spoon fed to us all since we they were old enough to walk & talk. It appears that a long-standing directive is in place to keep people from discovering the truth…and that truth may set them free to acknowledge the brevity of life and there is a purpose to to life itself.

If and when a person sees the validity of this, they will take stock of their lives and acknowledge there is indeed “someone greater than us all” that made this whole world in the first place. This is for real because God said it was real to begin with in His Word and science will someday catch up.

“Get this book before you can’t. Then question everything.”  *snort* Oh, that’s rich.  I also love how he waxes philosophical during his rantings about Antarctica and airline routes.  The only thing missing from his review is “Magnets:  how do they work??”

But wait, there’s more — this book has more reviews than the rest, and some of them are real winners.  Like this next one, which is simply a masterpiece of crazy.  In fact, I’m going to go on Amazon and leave a comment to that effect:

The hoax to end all hoaxes
By Mark on September 3, 2015
I’m still in shock over how I have been deceived for so long. Since waking up to the 9-11 scam over a decade ago, I’ve continued to uncovered one lie after another. This beats all. It changes everything!

I used to think I lived on a blue ball in a solar system with a hidden cosmic history and with et visitors from the Pleiades and Sirius and elsewhere. Now, I don’t know what to think. What are stars? What keeps the sun and moon in their orbit? What is beyond the Antarctic? Who made this world?

This also seems to be an opportunity to sue NASA for embezzling the taxpayers money for over half a century. It seems it is very easy to prove the earth is flat, which would also prove that all of NASA’s photos and videos are fake.

One also has to wonder why Nasa would create the face of Mars and the other “anomalies” of Cydonia and use their paid shill Richard Hoagland to promote it.

After learning of the flat earth, I spent the next two weeks looking for the curvature of the earth, which I thought I remembered seeing when gazing upon the horizon. Couldn’t find it!! I went to the beach and took a straight line to the vast edge of ocean. Completely straight!! I challenge anyone to show me curvature now!!

This book will BLOW YOUR MIND. 
By Todd on May 30, 2015
This book will BLOW YOUR MIND. There is literally a MOUNTAIN OF PROOF that we live on a FLAT, solid, stationary Earth, yet ZERO evidence that we live on a ball hurtling through space. After reading this book, you WILL conclude that the Earth is flat, I can GUARANTEE you that. After the Gospels (which are the most important books that everyone should read immediately if they haven’t already) this book is #2. READ THIS BOOK and then don’t be afraid to share it with others! This information needs to get out, and the more it picks up steam, as it is doing right now, the easier it will get!

So…what happens when you leave a negative review?  You’re shouted down, of course.  You’re called a sheep, a closed-minded fool, blah blah blah.  These people can’t handle anyone who brings actual science and logic into the picture…it’s pretty sad.

This one, however, left a 5-star review because of how stupidly entertaining the book is.  But it didn’t go over well with the flat-Earthers.

By Emily Heaton on December 25, 2014
This was the perfect amount of insanity I was looking for as a gift for my brother. As a physicist and aerospace engineer I enjoyed reading each piece of “proof” for a flat earth and poking endless holes in it. A good reminder that just because you quote someone from history, it doesn’t mean you’re right.

So she bought it for a sort of gag gift.  And how did the believers take this?  Here’s one of the “highlights”:

J. Rosenstie – l6 months ago
“Emily Heaton” is a fake and a fraud. First of all, there are virtually no female physicists or aerospace engineers. I know that will offend some, but I’m sorry. Gender, like race, is real, and there are hard differences between the genders, and races, they’re created by nature, and nature doesn’t care that you’re offended by them.

Secondly, if she took the time to read it, why not use her knowledge and degrees to elaborate at all as to why the proffered proofs are incorrect? How about a few samples of these “endless holes?”

Thirdly, since the premise is admittedly, under the dominant paradigm, absurd, why even purchase it at all, much less as a gift?

Fourthly, why is it that all but one of your reviews are only of products and not books? Why is it that the one other book you did review was a GRE prep book which you reviewed on 17 June 2012? If you were reviewing that book then, it suggests you hadn’t yet begun your graduate studies, and yet you claimed on 25 December 2014 to already be “a physicist and aerospace engineer” and not merely a student. You are, at most, an affirmative action placement in a place you don’t belong. Most likely the author is a shill, and an egalitarian one at that, which is why he chosen a feminine non de plume.

If you’re for real, “Emily,” now is the time to prove it. What university(ies) did you attend? What are your degrees? How can one independently verify your claims? I won’t press you, but if you’re not afraid, then what company do you work for? How about listing some of the “endless holes” you discovered?

Whoah there…  Someone’s clearly got some issues with women.  And there are so many other things wrong with this response I don’t even know where to begin…so I won’t.  It’s frankly not worth more than the time it took to type this up.  But if you read through the reviews, it’s pretty much how these people respond to anyone who questions their super-secret “truths.”

So there you have it, folks:  the Earth is flat because Jesus said so, and also because you can’t feel the planet turning at 1,000 mph and stuff.  Simple as that.  Enough with your facts and science and reason!  Those have no place here in this reality where anything is true just because some guy said it in a book.


2 thoughts on “Just plane crazy

Add yours

  1. Ya know what’s REALLY funny? The fact that lots of people recently are actually turning back to the Bible and giving it a second look, because of what they FIRST discovered about the startling truth that there is really no curvature to the Earth. There is no “ball”. People who only a few months ago were die-hard atheists are having to stop and reconsider their perspective on the whole darn thing, because they can no longer believe the ridiculous things being touted by NASA and other intergovernmental agencies. The moon landings were indeed a pitiful hoax. This has been so thoroughly demonstrated now, it’s rapidly becoming common knowledge. The flat plane isn’t too far behind. The only thing holding the belief in it up, is the fact that we have all been indoctrinated with it since before we could speak.

    It’s not just “because the Bible says so”. It’s revealed through the simplest of SELF-employed empirical observation. The world is flat. Satellites do not exist for years on end, up in the thermosphere where it’s several thousand degrees.

    Not to mention, every “photo” we’ve been shown of Earth or the planets, etc., is just a painting, or cgi rendering. It’s insane, truly, once you start to look at it all for yourself….


  2. I was out of town this weekend but I know I approved your comment via my phone, but apparently it didn’t work. It should be visible now!

    Well, I have to say that this atheist won’t be buying into the flat Earth thing. There is simply too much testable, irrefutable evidence of a sphere. I know the FE Society has a list of canned responses to this and anything else a non-believer might say, and I know where to find them if I wanted to spend more time reading them (I don’t), but I’m stickin’ to it. 🙂 I’ve also watched a bunch of videos claiming “100% PROOF THE EARTH IS FLAT! END OF DEBATE!!1!”, and they’re laughable. Come on, people, a microbe on a basketball would perceive the ball as flat. Your eyes don’t always give you the whole story.

    I simply can’t dismiss thousands of hours of footage shot from space which clearly show the Earth rotating on an axis as “faked.” It’s simply impossible for any government agency or spooky secret organization (operating in all nations) to fake something on that scale and with such realism and precision. Where are the whistleblowers who did this alleged fakery? Surely some of them would have come forward by now, in this age of leaks. (Wait, let me guess: they were killed by NASA to keep them from talking. Of course!) I also can’t dismiss the millions of books, photos, films, and highly-detailed experiments by astrophysicists and astronauts which show and prove a spherical Earth — all of which was produced over many, many years by people all over the world. So they were all misinformed or part of the “conspiracy of government lies”? Are Neil deGrasse Tyson and Stephen Hawking “wrong” because because a Bible metaphor disagrees with them? Wow.

    And speaking of the Bible, it isn’t exactly a reliable source of scientific knowledge. I mean, why would anyone try to extract scientific data from a book of parables and metaphors (many of which contradict each other) written 2,000 years ago by many different people, translated over and over and then edited/reassembled by even more people? It’s not meant to be taken literally. If the Earth is flat because the Bible says so, then you also have to believe in talking snakes and bushes that hand out moral decrees. The fact that the FE theory is so intertwined with religion is a huge red flag for me and it makes me instantly suspicious. I also think it’s interesting that the FE theory is closely tied to other ridiculous theories like the faked moon landing and the 9/11 “inside job.” But what about the hollow Earth? Lots of people believe that too, so who’s correct?? (Hint: It doesn’t matter.)

    BTW not all of this is really aimed at you personally, it’s just stuff that crossed my mind as I was looking at FE stuff. Thanks for the comment, but please don’t feel that you need to convince me of anything. 🙂 I can’t watch more badly-edited videos with footage of flat horizons and whatnot. I also can’t read any more FE forums run by hostile FE’ers who rip to shreds anyone who disagrees with them… Wow, some of those guys are angry. Anyway it was an interesting peek into a fringe topic, but I think I need to move on.

    (I still sort of suspect that this whole thing is a massive joke meant to needle people like me who are easily exasperated by ridiculous ideas. Is the Church of the SubGenius involved? If so, then…well played, guys.)


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