Quantum Moronics

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.  The famous Giant’s Causeway might have been specially sculpted by God Almighty just for us to enjoy?  Just how much craic are these people smoking over there in Ireland? I actually know someone who, whenever he takes a photo of something pretty, he remarks on how “God’s handiwork” is so awesome, etc.  I can’t roll my eyes hard enough.

The National Trust has defended its decision to include references to creationist theory at a new state-of-the-art visitors’ centre at the Giant’s Causeway in Northern Ireland.  The move was hailed by a christian group which said the gesture “both respects and acknowledges an alternative viewpoint” on the origins of the earth. But after facing criticism for including theories that the planet is only 6,000 years old, the Trust said it had merely acknowledged the presence of such views and was committed to scientific evidence on the origins of the Causeway. The issue of including creationist theories has sparked controversy in the past in Northern Ireland, when prominent members of the Democratic Unionist Party at Stormont lobbied for museums to include such opinions. The Causeway is a Unesco World Heritage Site and features more than 40,000 interlocking basalt columns formed millions of years ago by volcanic activity. via guardian.co.uk

Yes, this otherworldly being who created an entire universe of incomprehensible vastness and all it contains also stopped by Earth to make some funky rocks specifically for our appreciation.  Makes sense to me!  But why stop there?  There are “alternative” explanations for several amazing natural wonders.  Here, allow me to illustrate.

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Maybe the Grand Canyon was created when God stamped his foot in anger.  Hey, IT COULD HAPPEN!

Maybe the spires of Cappadocia are actually giant aphid eggs that never hatched.  Oh yeah?  PROVE THEY AREN’T!

Maybe the mesas of Monument Valley were created by massive sandworms which poked the rocks up with their giant heads.  Sure, maybe not…but HOW CAN YOU KNOW??

Maybe the hole in Arizona’s Window Rock is really the wedding ring of the goddess Bakalakadaka who accidentally dropped it down the cosmic drain and it ended up here frozen in time forever?  SOUNDS LEGIT TO ME!