Ohhh my dear Baby Jesus.  Guess what?  All those reusable grocery bags you’ve been using may actually contain lead.  From China!  Yes, instead of saving our precious Earth from total annihilation by not choosing plastic at checkout, you’ve actually been helping to KILL it.  Thanks a lot, you fuckin’ lead-spreadin’ fascist!  Way to make Mother Earth weep cold, cold tears…FILLED WITH LEAD!

I’m sorry, but this is really cracking me up.  So many people out there really get into the resuable bag thing.  I mean, they take it with deadly seriousness.  Especially here in Seattle, where the streets practically flow with granola.  I actually prefer canvas bags to plastic because they’re sturdier and hold more stuff, but most of these people smugly think that using reusable grocery bags will somehow save the Earth from utter destruction.  In fact, Seattle has even started charging people for using plastic bags instead of paper or canvas.  But this makes people feel good:  “I’m doing my part.  I’m using canvas bags to haul my food around.  I’m saving the planet.  If you can’t do the same, fuck you and pay your plastic tax!”  Then they drive away in their rusty old gas-sucking VW van or pious Prius.

So just imagine how much hippie hand-wringing must be going on right now.  It must be pretty brutal owning a dozen canvas bags and wondering if some or all are lovingly poisoned with lead.


Lead found in some reusable grocery bags is raising concerns that the toxin could pose environmental or health concerns to consumers.

Sen. Charles Schumer, D-N.Y., is asking for a federal investigation into the reusable bags following a series by The Tampa Tribune. The newspaper found lead in bags purchased at Winn-Dixie, Publix, Sweetbay, Walmart and Target.

Reusable bags are often sold by retailers and used by consumers instead of plastic bags. They may be canvas or made of recycled plastic. In some areas, consumers are charged a fee if they use a plastic bag from a store.

The concern is that lead in bags could cause environmental problems in landfills or leach into food products that are kept in them.

“Federal agencies need to put a ban in place for reusable bags that have lead in them,” Schumer said in a statement. In a letter asking the Food and Drug Administration to open an investigation into the issue, he says, “Any situation where lead bags are coming into contact with the food being purchased by Americans needs to be immediately investigated and resolved.”


One thought on “NO BAG IS SAFE!

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  1. Working in the industry, I’m completely for the banishment of plastic bags and charging for the privilege of using bags provided by the store. Even though bagging in reusable bags is a royal pain in the ass, especially canvas ones which are the hardest to keep open. If you don’t want to buy bags, then get paper bags next time and then double them when you get home after you empty them out. You would be quite surprised how long they last when they are doubled (and don’t ask for double paper, there’s a special place in hell for those people).


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