I just HAVE to share this, it’s simply too horrifying not to. Grab a barf bag and prepare yourself.
A friend of mine has been seeing a guy who has used her, dumped her, taken her back, strung her along some more, and finally decided to dump her again and move away. But he still says he loves her and wants her to come visit, of course. Typical. Anyway he sent her this email the other day, it’s simply a masterpiece of douchebaggery. And the best part is yet to come…
If you’re anything like me you never check your work email so this will either never see the light of day or be a random piece of me fluttering in from nowhere. I hope that’s okay. I miss you you! I could use you down here. You could appreciate my sadness among all this beauty and freedom. Your the only one who understands me. I know we’re crush buddies, but on a deeper level we’re… tear twins I guess you could call it. Not many people would understand our sadness for sadness sake. don’t forget about me unless you need to. Remember the promise I made.
Crush buddies? TEAR TWINS?? Is this guy kidding? What does “don’t forget about me unless you need to” actually mean? And doesn’t that “big love” thing just make you want to puke your guts out? He probably thinks, “Yeah…she’s a chick, she’ll totally dig this. Chicks love that sensitive stuff.” But wait, here’s the best part: HER NAME ISN’T SHELLY. It’s not even close. He obviously copied & pasted this peepeecaca from an email he sent when dumping a previous girlfriend!
What. A. Twat.
This guy deserves a medal or a trophy or something. Perhaps a gold-plated turd would be in order.