This story really made me heave. Some whackjob issued a “press release” (i.e., a post on his website) telling people to boycott Starbucks. He says their decision to temporarily resurrect their original logo amounts to putting porn in the hands of all who buy their coffee. I guess this logo is threatening to send him over the edge into complete mental and spiritual chaos, which means he must be exceptionally tiny brain. Here it is, in case you haven’t seen it. Whoah, shocking! A mermaid with breasts and a double tail! Wow, it’s just so…wow. Jesus must be spinning in his grave.
The story says that this group (led by some guy named Mark Dice) is called The Resistance and has 3000 members. Wow, really? Sounds serious! So naturally I wanted to see who these people are and what they’re about. But from what I can see, it’s basically a conspiracy-minded paranoiac with a website, another religious nutball spewing the same old crap. He obviously craves attention, running around doing stupid stunts (like Michael Moore but without the cleverness): crashing lectures, shouting in libraries, getting in peoples’ faces on the street and being a rude asshole, whoring his book around in the media, calling radio talk shows, etc. He also tries really, really hard to seem edgy and badass, like all the “cool” Christians do nowadays. It’s like he’s turned his religion into an energy drink. His videos are especially embarrassing — he reminds me of those youth ministers who desperately want you to know they’re “down with it” and know how to party hard for Jesus. Just look at him — he is truly a douchebag for the lord. Proof: his Myspace profile says “MarkDice.com is better than my MySpace.” Sigh. If it wasn’t so pathetic, it would be kinda entertaining.
His website’s forums are filled with the usual militia-minded conspiracy peepeecaca: the UN is taking our guns away, Mexicans are taking over our country, FEMA is plotting to enforce martial law and throw us into prison camps, 9/11 was an inside job by the CIA, blah-blah-blah. Except for the 9/11 stuff, it’s pretty much the same stuff I used to think was interesting 10-15 years ago. Funny that they’re still talking about the UN taking our guns away…why haven’t they done it yet, if it’s been on the brink of happening all these years? (Of course, now they’re saying that Obama is voting for it, so you can see where that’s coming from.)
One comment on the forum about the Starbucks thing (surely to be deleted soon) leads me to think that some people are there just for fun:
Breasts are evil, they are satan’s eyes, and even depicting them in a graphic logo from an 18th century woodcut is inviting satan to look at our souls. Breasts cause nothing but trouble, they inspire lust and hate, they develop tumors and ooze fetid liquids. Boycott Starbucks now, banish and burn all breasts. WE’VE ADVANCED PAST BREASTS, WE KNOW HOW TO CREATE INFANT NOURISHING FORMULA. All breasts should be excised from infants at birth, freeing us from the ever present gaze of the dark lord.
If I was posting to that forum, that’s the kind of shit I’d be posting. I love it. Even more amusing is the fact that most of the forum topics were started by one or two people, and most of them don’t have any followup discussion on them. Wow, some “resistance” ya got there, Mark! All those dead forum posts must really pack a punch. I’ll bet Starbucks is totally begging you to stop!
Honestly, I do like a good conspiracy theory. I like seeing how people come up with intricate stories to justify why things are or how things happened. I don’t necessarily believe them, I just think they can make for some great “what if” fiction. But when you’re trying to convince me that you’re exposing the truth about some great secret and all your arguments stem from your religious beliefs, I automatically switch off…because I know what all your arguments are based on, and I know everything you’re going to say next. I see it as a thinly-veiled attempt at recruitment. This guy thinks he’s got all the answers to all the world’s secrets, but since his opening argument is “The Bible is True and the greatest book ever written”, I immediately dismiss everything he says. Even his forum posters are doing it — one post actually begins with “Let me first present the scriptures to prove this.” Switching off now…