0 comments on “Back to reality

  1. Great pics and commentary as always Barry.
    Think my favourite is Critter lounging in your hotel room.
    Did he actually eat that entire chicken pot pie??? That thing was ridiculous….


  2. Great review and photos, really gets me excited for our trip this weekend.
    OMG, I might actually get to stay in TONI BRAXTON’s CROTCH!!!! WOOHOOO!! We’re staying at the Flamingo this weekend and seeing Bette!
    I’ll see if I can request the crotch room. Nothing would make me happier than being perched out of Toni’s crotch and seeing vegas, nothing better then a giant VAGINE and VEGAS!


  3. Wow!! VEG-ASS was a fun time for us! It’s such the ashtray of American culture… truly, the dirtiest part of the maxi pad…. the brownest of holes…the dark nicotine spot in a lung! It is VEGAS, baby!
    I was sooo impressed with all the tacky splendor, there we’re soo many beautiful objects to admire; too bad they’re all soo mashed together – you can’t fully enjoy the beauty of something when the eye can’t focus on the simplicity and context of something within it’s environment. Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa sums it up best “You don’t want it to look like a plate of dog food.” I agree totally, Vegas is a giant plate of dog food.
    So, the first night we went to this trashy gay bar called “The Buffalo” what a sad little piece of dirt, where old buffalo go to die. The people in the place looked they lived 9 1/2 lives, with their leathery skin, smoker wrinkled lips, and their sad white Levi’s. The most exciting part was visiting with the bouncer on the outside, he was really cute and nice and gave some tips about the gay scene in Vegas, which doesn’t exist, we later decided. We walked across the street to a more upscale establishment, called Piranha – Fierce! lol paid 20 bucks to get in hang with the local douches. The locals told us later that they don’t pay a cover… sad. The exterior looked like a Chili’s restaurant with thumping 120 beat music streaming out the door. The guy at the entrance wanted to know if we wanted to buy some Man-Vaadge…. NO! Only 120 bucks, he said. No thanks!! I’ll save it for my teeth whitening, hair highlights and glamour shots… Thank you! LOL So the place was just was lame, Twinkie boys everywhere and the smallest dance floor on earth; it should be in Guinness world book of records. And somehow, they managed to fit two twinks in the middle of the dance floor stripped down and dancing with vacant stares.. HOT!
    Well, then the bouncer at the dying buffalo said we should go to “Fun Hog Roadhouse or Ranch” where they have 3 dollar drinks with about three shots per glass. We went and it was pretty quiet place, but the drinks were strong and good and someone even made eye contact with me, woot! and he wasn’t that ugly! My esteem was redeemed. Drunk and messy, we made it back to our hotel. We never could pronounce the name of that bar correctly, I just called in “Pig Fucker Ranch” that was easy to remember. LOL
    Oiling our Rumps in the sun! Wow, we stayed at the Flamingo hotel. It was a fun. A Miami looking hotel with 80’s flair (Brass and Mirrors everywhere) a bit tacky, a bit old school. We liked the lagoon like pool, apparently the Flamingo is one of the oldest hotels, so they have a bigger pool area and it’s private. We lounged on our vinyl chaises and basked in the warm glow of the sun. We spotted a giant man near us, with skin sooo tan it looked like a Honey Baked Ham, with hair… He was glazing himself with his coppertone. I was glad he was there, because he didn’t make me feel a bit bad about me taking off my shirt and glazing myself. I guess I’m a baby ham. =) Anyhow, sun in March is sooo prized by Seattleites, so we soaked it up. I ordered a tropical alcoholic number and just sipped my cares away poolside. Oh and they do weddings by the pool, tacky goodness!
    On the less bitter, BETTE’R side, the Bette Middler show was amazing! Everyone should go see her at her best! She is so lovely and genuinely talented, so funny, thoughtful and wonderful. Bette, Bette, Bette!!! She called out for her gays and the coliseum erupted with screaming sissy’s. Hearing her songs live was just amazing. One that hit me hard… was one called “hello in there” very sad and poignant lyrics about getting old and how it’s important to acknowledge the elderly with a simple “Hello”. Check it out.
    The campy jokes, the HUGE feathers, the wheelchair antics…. What a show, worth every bit of my 140 dollar ticket price!
    Caesar’s palace was fun, and did not take itself too seriously. We liked Caesar’s.
    The Belagio was sooo full of itself… Jezus! We went to that restaurant with the cool wood curved ceiling in Barry’s photos and they totally dis’d on seating us because we weren’t dressed to the nines. Once we got seated, we read the cover of the menu and it all made sense! Their motto is “STATUS IS EVERYTHING” Gross! sooo full of themselves! They make a mean Lemon Drop Martini and sliders (tiny hamburgers) though. sooo not all was lost! The fountains at Belagio were fun and enchanting, the only thing that brought them down a notch is the stupid ass song they choreographed to the fountain to for our show “This Kiss” by faith hill…. OMG, what a stinker of a song, who wrote that thing? 8 year olds? Warning, painful lyrics: This kiss, this kiss, unstoppable, this kiss, this kiss, subliminal…….. awful!
    Ghiradelis chocolate, WOW!!! In between HARRAHS and THE IMPERIAL Palace (literally, in armpit of the two buildings) you can find Ghiradlis ICE CREAM and Chocolate!! Amazing ice cream and real CHOCOLATE melted over your sundae to boot!!! Sooooo good!! And a lovely elderly woman name Nora, served us our sundaes; she must have been 80 years old! Smiling and working like a race horse. She was amazing; she was flattered that we all tipped her when she brought us our ice cream. Amazing how there is beauty and nice people tucked into the armpits of Vegas. She was sweet! When we were finished with our sundaes, Nora came back and said we did real good finishing them, just like a grandma type would say. She was sweet and sooo was the sundae.
    Tipping in VEGAS…. Everyone wants a God Damn tip!!
    So, we leave our hotel, tip them to bring our bags, they bring them to the car and want another tip… I didn’t tip, sooo my bag gets hurdled into the back of the SUV. DAM IT! Do I really need to tip twice in less than 2 minutes…. sad…? Greed stinks.
    Leaving Vegas….. So we left Vegas and checked our flight, DELAYED of course…. Southwest. Lame, stuck in a hot airport for an extra hour and half…. Oh wait; they have a Chili’s restaurant, swanky! It was just nice to sit down I suppose and eat my chipotle whatever a dunk…. Yeah, thank goodness for unoriginal comforting cuisine! Recounting our trip over stale chips and salsa, with a hint of nicotine smell in our clothes….. What a fun trip we concluded!!! Will I be coming back?? Well someday, Billy, someday…


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