We didn’t see “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” in the theaters for whatever reason, most likely because the running time was nearly three hours. So I added it to our Netflix queue and last night we watched it. Well, endured it is a more accurate word for it. Why anyone greenlit this behemoth of a movie is beyond me. It dragged its sorry ass through three hours of nonstop blah, with barely any of the wonder and fun of the original. It reminded me of “The Mummy Returns”: bloated, overcomplicated, unfocused, and trying way too hard to impress with mindless special effects. Here, let me summarize the entire film in case you missed it:
- Pirates have epic battle
- Pirates talk and talk and talk about convoluted plot threads
- Alliance is formed
- Alliance is betrayed
- Rinse and repeat several times, each time more dramatic
There were a few intriguing plot points, but they just went nowhere. F’rinstance, why couldn’t they have just cut out the entire middle third of the film and jumped right to the whole Calypso goddess thing? They could have expanded on that too, but after all the buildup we were left with a bunch of crabs, lots of rain, and a giant whirlpool. What a waste of time and talent! The three main pirate characters are so much fun to watch usually — Johnny Depp’s Capt. Jack Sparrow is a unique creation but with little to do here but act crazy. Geoffrey Rush’s character is probably the most believable pirate in the series, I enjoyed watching his facial expressions as he did his best with the caca script. I also love the Davey Jones character, as Bill Nighy’s expressions make the squid-faced pirate interesting and sinister. But here he doesn’t get to do much acting, he’s mostly thrown to the side so Jack Sparrow can act like a goofball and what’s-her-name can pretend to be a gruff Pirate Queen after being a princess all her life. Give me a fucking break.
After a while I just wanted it to end, but it kept going and going and going, getting more absurd with each passing minute. Talk about beating us over the head! Did anyone else feel this way while watching this movie? Did you like it, or did you find yourself checking the time and wondering what else you could be doing?