Church + Star Wars = Good Times!

Critter received this in the mail on Saturday.  This is wrong on so many levels!  I enjoy this kind of thing, so I’d like to analyze it point-by-point in order to savor such delicious absurdity.  Mmmmmm.

  • The classic Star Wars “crawler” is instantly recognizable.  What better way to plug your church than a clever tie-in with a major bit of pop culture?
  • Get a free ticket to Star Wars just by attending their church.  “Find out how on card back!”  Well, no shit.  You obviously won’t find this info on the card front, and since postcards typically only have two printed sides, any rational person would automatically flip the card over without having to be told to. (OK, maybe that one was unnecessary. 🙂

You may flip the card over now.

  • They claim you’ll be able to lift an X-Wing Fighter with your mind.  Wow!!  They’re joking, of course, but it’s printed in bold so it’s almost as if they mean it.  Like, maybe I can levitate objects with the power of Jesus and stuff!  As if divine power should be used for party tricks…
  • They’re calling it “Jedi Sunday” at this church.  Again, the tie-in with pop culture is creepy because it shows how slick churches have become with their marketing.  It also shows a hint of desperation…what does it say about a church which has to bribe people with movie tickets just to boost attendance?  This church can’t increase its flock on its merits alone?  And how many free tickets are they willing to part with?  I’m very curious about that one.
  • “The Anchor Church has not pre-screened the film and cannot guarantee that there will not be any offensive content.” Oh, this is great stuff.  This particular Star Wars movie is widely touted as being darker and scarier than previous ones, and extremely violent besides. Is this the kind of thing they want to associate with their church?
  • Note the clarifications for each point under “What you will find at The Anchor.”  1) “Wear something comfortable.”  Translation: No stuffy church clothes!  Wow, it’s like going to a BBQ or out to a ball game! 2) “Music like you hear on the radio.”  Translation: Shitty, soulless disco music or mindless pop songs.  Great, like we need gospel versions of that3) “Learn something useful at church.”  Oh, you mean like becoming a Jedi?  Levitating objects with your mind?  Voting Republican?  It’s almost as if they’re saying that going to church was pointless until they came along.

This whole thing is laughable, but I love picking it apart because there are so many moronic details to be found.  Things get even weirder with these people when you check out their website…this is obviously one of those touchy-feely new churches which tries very hard to distance itself from those stuffy “old-fashioned” ones.  “We’re shiny and new!  We like casual dress!  We play modern music your kids will love!  We don’t preach, we just pass down wisdom!  Honest!”  Uh-huh.  For another laugh, look under “Our Team” on their website and you’ll see that they refrain from using words like minister, preacher, etc.  Instead, they call themselves Spiritual Architects and Worship Navigators.  Seriously!  They’re very clever about appearing to be anything other than a church.

Overall, I just have a problem with churches which hide behind slick marketing tactics.  It’s just…unsavory. Slimy.  Or is it just me?

0 thoughts on “Church + Star Wars = Good Times!

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  1. Dude, it’s just you…only kidding. Pretty soon they’ll have “strip” sanctuaries where the strippers have the ten commandments tatooed on their bodies and will have bible tracts stuffed into their g-strings and they will whisper dirty prayers in customers ears when giving a holy lap dance. Watch for it.


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