Turtle of Satan

Oh…my….GOD.  A pet store burns down and suddenly someone thinks they see Satan’s image on the shell of the lone surviving turtle.  Naturally the owner believes it’s a sign from the Devil that he’s been up to no good.  He notes that its behavior hasn’t changed…because, you know, it could turn into a raging demon turtle at any moment and start killing people with its evil snapper.  Also notice that he’s planning to get on eBay and sell a DVD about his gripping experience with this nasty little hellspawn reptile.

The palm-sized red-eared slider turtle, named Lucky, was the only animal to survive a fire last October at Dora’s A-Dora-ble Pet Shop in nearby Frankfort, about 40 miles northwest of Indianapolis.

Owner Bryan Dora now says he sees an image of Satan’s face on the critter’s shell. He can spot lips, eyes, a goatee, shoulders and a pair of pointy horns on Lucky’s back.

“The marking on the shell was like the devil wanted us to know he was down there,” Dora said. “To me, it’s too coincidental that the only thing to come out unscathed would have this image on it.”

Why are people so quick to see religious images in obviously random places?  What planet are they living on?  What fantasyland of gumdrop rainbows and frolicking unicorns are they dwelling in??  I simply cannot wrap my brain around these blurry visions…surely God is laughing and pointing right about now!

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  1. I’m hoping that the turtle welfare societies will respond to this and nip in the bud. Turtles have it hard enough nowadays without this hysteria designed to deter tolerance and understanding and encourage hatred and violence against these indeed-Satantic, but otherwise-peaceful creatures.

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