Newsflash: Football players who hit each other are essentially crash victims! No shit! Next story!
Newsflash: Kids who eat too much fast food get fat! Still no shit! Next story!
Just how someone can read a story like this and not see how unfair the whole “gay couples don’t need benefits” argument is. I know a lot of people out there don’t really consider us human, in a way…but that’s their problem, and we’re not gonna let this issue go, oh no.
It’s about time that people got fed up with asshole advertisers shoving junk in their faces. This story suggests a kind of “revolt” among the web surfers who want pop-ups and their ilk stopped NOW.
Looks like Brazil is cracking down on us obnoxious Americans… First a pilot gave the security camera the finger and was detained, and now this guy doused a crying baby with water and he’s being deported. I’ve gotta admit, though, there have been times when I’ve felt like doing something like this during a flight filled with the shrieking little poo-geysers. Thankfully I’m not the type who gets drunk during flights and acts out on this sort of thing. 🙂
Oh, this is just too funny. The guy who wrote the code for Ctrl-Alt-Delete is retiring, and he said something to Bill Gates that ol’ Bill didn’t find too amusing. I guess once you reach the multi-billion-dollar point, your sense of humor turns to a pillar of salt or something.
I just can’t believe what comes out of the mouths of some people in positions of authority. This judge, for example, had the audacity comment about a rape victim, “Why would he want to rape her?” And wait till you see his photo. 🙂 Pot, meet kettle.
Can you eat three meals a day at McDonald’s for a month? I’m sure you think you can, but this guy tried it for a documentary, and his health took a sharp nosedive. The best part is that McDonald’s refuses to make any acknowledgment that their food is, in fact, crap. “Consumers can achieve balance in their daily dining decisions by choosing from our array of quality offerings and range of portion sizes to meet their taste and nutrition goals,” they said. Translation: “you can eat here every day and still have a quality diet. He just didn’t do it right.” Oh, please.
The headline of this story says so much: “U.S. Eyes Space as Possible Battleground.” Isn’t that just like the military? Take something exciting and unexplored and find a way to control it for your own petty need to be all-powerful. There are things in this universe bigger than America and its military, folks, and space exploration will prove that. If something outside our own planet threatens us, we’ll respond. But let’s not start aiming space-lasers back at our own planet.
The headline of this one speaks for itself as well…we’re going to keep looking for those nonexistent WMDs. Nevermind the cost and futility of it…Bush will not admit that he lied about them, so he’ll keep looking and looking until we’ve forgotten all about them and the next phony crisis comes to light.
This woman was fired from her job at the ski resort where she worked, because she wrote this cruel and highly entertaining article about what it’s like instructing Joe Public and his spawn in the fine art of snowboarding. This is one “snowboard whore” with an attitude!
Yay, looks like Keiko’s grave may become toxic…after all those poor kids went through all that work to make him a nice burial mound and everything. Isn’t that great??
Why do I find this so goddamn funny? These guys in Poland were reprimanded for having a little too much New Year’s fun…and pouring champagne down the gullet of a giant pike fish. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!! Sorry, I just look at the photo and have to laugh. I mean, it’s cruel…at least, it may be. Who knows? They said the fish wasn’t doing so well anyway, but…HAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!
Some politician wants to tackle an issue greater than the Iraq War, racial strife, corrupt CEOs, and gay marriage all rolled up into one: dirty words. That’s right…he wants to ban dirty words on T.V. And yet, I’m sure he’s just fine with all the violence being broadcast to the public. And all those deceptive advertisements which outright lie about their ability to change your life with the simple purchase of a product, as well as all the garbage directed at America’s kids…I’m sure all that is perfectly OK to him. But those dirty, evil words have just GOT to go!
Like, what do you know? Britney Spears, like, was married for a couple of days and stuff before, like, getting divorced and junk. But she now says, you know, that she “totally believes in the sanctity of marriage” and stuff. Like, cool, Britneh!
Oh, heaven forbid that some dork in plaid golf pants should feel uncomfortable on his precious waste of land (a.k.a. golf course) because some harmless homeless guy has been living there for the past 40 years. Can you believe that? These golf morons need to get off their country-club high horses (golf carts) and feel a shred of compassion. If he hasn’t hurt anyone in 40 years, why would he start now?
This is big news, at least to Gulf War vets. A recent British study shows that Gulf War Syndrome can be traced back to injections given to British soldiers before they went off to war. Now, isn’t that interesting? And if similar results were to come from a study done on our troops, do you think for one minute that the media would be allowed to know? Yeah, right. The military wants to be appear innocent, period.
Do you think that obesity is a huge problem in our world right now, especially in our own country? Well, the White House doesn’t appear to think so. They’re disagreeing with the approach taken by a new study from the W.H.O. which, among other things, points a finger at certain foods as being BAD for your weight, and criticizes the advertising of such foods aimed at children. Bush doesn’t like the idea of singling out certain foods like that. Why? Because all those folks in the beef and fast food industry won’t like it if he goes along with something logical like that. And since Bush and his cronies are all for big business, no matter what price is to be paid, they will oppose anything that singles out certain foods as bad for the diet. They have a point about more physical exercising being needed, but let’s not forget the food.
Oh my GOD! The same chemicals responsible for the “runner’s high” are linked to a marijuana high! There’s only one way to stop this from bringing our great country to its knees: ban running. That’s right…no more jogging, no more sprinting. Just walk if you’re going to be out and about. And if you’re caught running, a mandatory prison sentence of at least three months. That’ll teach those addicts!!
Here’s another file for the “No shit!” file: most recent spam is not compliant with the wussy new federal laws regulating spam. These people will not stop because a law says to. We must use technology and other means to stop their garbage from taking over our networks.
This guy really got a bad deal…he yelled at a bunch of idiot teens who were cruising around town playing their loud thumpy music, and the court says he is to blame for disturbing the peace!! And I don’t buy these guys’ claim that they were “scared” as they drove away. Bullshit. And WHY is this story calling them “children”? If they’re old enough to drive, they’re not children.
Do you hate your job? Not as much as this guy. Read this excellent story from Salon.com and see how lucky you are to have your shitty job. 🙂 Also read the reader feedback…it’s pretty interesting as well.
Great news! All you folks in Iraq will now be able to fully enjoy the sugary, nutrition-free joy of Pepsi Cola. Yes, Pepsi is looking to relaunch its line of soft drinks with full fanfare in Iraq, because everyone knows that the Great Pepsi Draught during Saddam’s reign has caused much misery amongst his people. Down with dictators, up with sugar water! Praise Allah ‘n’ stuff!
OK, can we PLEASE let Keiko the friggin’ whale rest in peace?? Jesus! These people are acting like this whale cured diseases, ended world hunger, stopped the aging process, and discovered life on Neptune! It’s a WHALE. Yes, I’m sure he was a nice whale, and I’m sure he had a kind soul and all that. But come on…a burial mound? Why don’t these kids just build a great flaming funeral pyre and throw themselves onto it? Get it over with and get on with your lives, people.
Once upon a time, Daddy Bush got waged war on a country full of brown people and blew it to bits. But for some reason, he couldn’t quite finish the job…the country’s leader couldn’t be captured. People called Daddy Busy a wimp, and he never forgot that. Years later, Junior Bush is made President. Daddy Bush tells Junior Bush that he’d better finish the job of blowing up all those brown people, because nobody likes to look like a wimp…do they? So Junior Bush nodded and did what he was asked, planning and scheming long before he was even made President. Then he came up with lots of scary reasons to wage war in order to get the public’s approval, and by the time the first bombs began to drop on the bad and good brown people, he knew that he was gonna make Daddy Bush proud and nobody would call him a wimp ever again. The end.
Oh, like we didn’t know this ho was lying about losing that lottery ticket. Gurl, you ain’t foolin’ nobody.
Colin Powell’s quote in this story struck me as a weak defense of the Iraq war: “I have not seen smoking gun, concrete evidence about the connection, but I think the possibility of such connections did exist and it was prudent to consider them at the time that we did.” Translation: We’re America, and we need a good excuse to bomb the living shit out of this country and bring our wounded ego back up to snuff. And now, guess what? It turns out that Bush had planned this war before he was even elected President! Well, now…are you surprised?
Give these rascals a gold star! I don’t know why this is so funny, but it just cracks me up… A couple of guys with some sort of radio device were broadcasting on a Burger King menu box, telling people they’re too fat to eat Whoppers, and other fun things. I feel sorry for the poor soul at the order window, but it’s still damn funny. 🙂
It’s nice to see that big companies are getting very serious about stopping spam…and it’s a nice surprise to see them getting interested in another thing that plagues us: spyware. This stuff is absolutely evil, and it’s finally getting more into the mainstream consciousness. People are paranoid about spam, and they should be even more paranoid about this stuff!