J.R.R. Tolkein’s kingdom coming to cell phones
You know, this has got to be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard of. Here’s another example of technology WASTED on meaningless “entertainment” products. Why do these companies keep thinking that cell phones are the ideal vehicle for video games, internet browsing, etc.? The screens are far too small for anything like that…what are they thinking? Sure, PDA cell phones are going to be interesting, but most people have these tiny phones with tiny screens. Will they want to spend their leisure hours staring at that? I doubt it. Then again, Americans are easily entertained by the dumbest things.
Youth Soccer Gets Tough with Brawling Parents
Wow! All those Soccer Moms & Dads duking it out on the field. Isn’t that great? It’s yet another example of what team sports can do to people: it provides people with an outlet for their pent-up violent tendencies. I know someone who lives close to the area where this happened, and he says that it’s a very Republican area. Gee, isn’t that interesting? Aren’t Republicans the self-described “rational, restrained people” of our society? Ha! The thought of a bunch of conservative upper-middle-class Soccer Parents beating the snot out of each other makes me giggle evilly. Comedy at its best!
Mexico’s New Anti-Drug Team Wins the Trust of U.S. Officials
The U.S. is trusting Mexico to help out in the drug war? This has got to be a joke. Just how stupid is our government, anyway? Well, that’s obvious…but really, this qualifies as Incomprehensibly Stupid in my book. No amount of deals and “alliances” will stop the drug trade. The “war on drugs” is a complete failure, but it’s great business for both governments, so it will never end through their “efforts”.
Congress Slams FBI for Lost Weapons, Laptops
Here’s another agency which needs a good spanking. It seems like all our main “enforcement” agencies are laced with corruption: IRS, DEA, ATF, FBI… It’s time for a major shakedown of these guys, pronto! And don’t believe for a minute that the FBI will perform a fair and thorough investigation of itself. I mean, really. That’s like asking the IRS to give itself an audit and provide accurate figures…it’ll never happen, not with the levels of absolute corruption involved here!
Coalition calls for boycott of Abercrombie
So these people think that shoppers will boycott a company who has some of the sexiest catalogs around, eh? Yeah, right. They think people will actually say “no” to sex-based advertising. Trust me, it’ll never happen…not with all the Aberzombies walking around out there who buy those clothes thinking it’ll make them as sexy as the models in the catalogs. Sex is a major weakness for consumers and they simply won’t resist.
New Evidence Baseball Originated Years Earlier
Wow! Astonishing new facts about the world’s second most boring sport in history (the first being golf). They think baseball was invented years earlier than previously thought. Incredible! These reporters ought to win a Pulitzer for this one. This amazingly informative piece of life-saving information ought to be rewarded with riches and fame. Or just tossed in the trash bin, whichever.
Elderly Man Licking Wounds After Cat Attack
Another occurrence of Animal Kingdom Rage here. Never mind why this guy was giving his parrot a shower…I want to know what made Fluffy attack with such viciousness. I know all cats hate to get wet, but really! Nice pussy…..
Teen says he killed friend out of self-hate
First off, let me say that nothing justifies the killing of another human being, especially personal issues. That said, I must call attention to this story because it’s an example of the effect that dangerous ideas can have on kids. It’s an extreme example, obviously, but the fact remains that this kid had gotten the idea from somewhere (parents? school? church?) that he’s an “abomination” because of his homosexuality. And these ideas led him to self-loathing and hatred of what he is. Now, who uses the word “abomination” the most? Why, I believe the church does. A lot. Hmmm.
NAACP to Sue U.S. Paint Manufacturers Over Lead
Now, this is a very interesting story. It’s a mix of two things: using children as leverage, and focusing on a fairly obscure health hazard. I think the NAACP is feeling a bit under-covered in the news lately, so this crusade against the dastardly Lead Paint Empire seems like a way for them to get back into the news spotlight and appear to be helping children while they’re at it. But…lead paint? How did they reach the decision to attack THAT? And the most obtuse part of it is the “save the children from paint” angle. Why just children? What about the teenagers, adults, and elderly who live around this stuff as well? You people who constantly focus on The Children™ and nobody else need to get your shit together. I hate to break this to you, but children are NOT the only people in danger out there. If you’re going to crusade for people, crusade for ALL people, not just a particular group. Am I being cruel? No, just realistic. And I hate seeing children being used as pawns for some organization’s political agenda. Leave the kids alone.
Ripken Ends All-Star Game Career
Blah blah blah, more yammering about the godlike Cal Ripken and his super-duper-nifty-neato baseball career. Yeah, whatever, let’s just get this mindless coverage over with and move on to some REAL NEWS. After Lord Ripken’s final performance on the field, Sammy Sosa actually said, “It doesn’t get better than that as a human being.” Wow, Sammy, that’s great…I’m happy you and Cal are contributing so much to humanity as a whole. (Do you get the feeling that I don’t like baseball? Good.)
Dry Bush gets soaked while daughter has a sniff of the port
This is only a small part of the total story here, but wow! What an embarrassment. Bush’s daughter wears DENIM to greet the Queen of England?? What the hell is going on at the White House? Amazing… Bush and his clan are proving more and more to be a total embarrassment to America. And you lucky folks who voted him in, please give yourselves a pat on the back for providing cynical bastards like me with so much entertainment! 🙂