White House irritated over surgeon general’s report on sex
So… President Shrub believes that the ONLY way to rid the world of AIDS and unwanted pregnancies is abstinence, eh? My, my, my…isn’t this interesting. This is coming from a man who has never abstained from anything in his life — drugs, alcohol, partying, lying, dirty money, etc. Oh wait, I take that back. One thing he HAS abstained from is learning to speak coherently. Of course, abstinence IS 100% effective in preventing pregnancies and STDs, but let’s switch to reality for a moment, shall we? People don’t abstain from things that feel good. It just doesn’t happen. There are exceptions, of course, but on the whole, people just refuse to abstain. Can Bush abstain from taking money from special interest groups and lobbyists? No. Can his daughters abstain from getting liquored up and cavorting around town like a couple of high-profile tarts? No. And when it comes to sex, most people just aren’t that strong-willed. Call it a flaw, call it lack of morals, call it human nature, call it whatever you want…but this is the way things are on Planet Earth, Mr. Bush. Deal with it. Maybe you’d prefer to wake up and find hundreds of deathly-sick crack babies and children of rape victims on the White House doorstep. No? Well, then…
Road to Happiness Not Paved with Money: Study
Astonishing! And to think I’ve spent all these years trying to get rich, thinking it would solve all my financial, personal, and spiritual problems forever. Yeah, right. I swear, I’m constantly amazed at these “studies” which come up with conclusions that any fairly observant person could have come up with. I need to create a special section for them, now that I’ve collected a good half-dozen or so. Let’s see if I can predict the next headlines: MATERIAL THINGS DON’T BRING PERSONAL FULFILLMENT! OAT BRAN DOESN’T CURE CANCER! BAD PARENTING LEADS TO BAD CHILDREN! NOT BREATHING LEADS TO DEATH! STRAWBERRY YOGURT IS YUMMY! THE SUN IS A MASS OF INCANDESCENT GAS! And many more to come…
Federal Way wary of megachurch
Well, apparently the term “size doesn’t matter” doesn’t apply to THIS church. So much for humility. Will this megachurch monstrosity generate more converts? Will it strengthen peoples’ faith in Jesus Christ? Or will it simply suck up more resources from the land, increase the traffic flow to unbearable levels, and create incredible noise pollution for the surrounding area? These people just don’t get it. If they would read their own book they’d find a passage in there where Jesus says to go off by yourself and worship in your own way, in peace and quiet. There’s a lot to be said for meditation and silent devotion to your chosen deity. Many religions teach this. But no! Christianity has to be big, loud, and in your face. These people feel the inexplicable need to reach and convert as many people as possible to their way of thinking. More is better, right? Yeah, whatever. It’s not enough that, virus-like, they infest foreign countries with missionaries who degrade the local religions and cause spiritual unrest, or the fact that they pollute our airwaves with hateful diatribes against anyone who isn’t like them. No, it’s never enough…they won’t stop until they have it all. And you know what? I honestly believe that a Supreme Being wouldn’t care how big a church is, or how many people you’re converting this week. Wouldn’t personal growth, devotion, kindness to others, and humility be more important? There’s no humility here, that’s for sure. There’s no room for that when you’re greedily trying to preach to every person on the planet. It’s madness.
Jenna Bush Sentenced in Alcohol Cases
Oh my. I’m sorry, dear readers… Pardon me while I LAUGH MY FRIGGIN’ HEAD OFF! I don’t think anything more needs to be said. This whole situation is just one big guffaw after another, eh?
Dentists Unknowingly Endorse Arsenic and Lead Into Drinking Water
This is scary stuff. There were some shady deals and meetings which resulted in the decision to fluoridate the national water supply, as well as bringing the idea that fluoride is a safe, effective cavity-fighter into the mainstream. You’d be surprised. We’re talking about a highly toxic substance here, and people are ingesting it daily…and now, thanks to this report, we see that people are ingesting much more than fluoride. I’ve researched fluoridation in the past and it was enough to put me off tapwater forever… I drink either distilled water, or highly-filtered water free of chlorine, fluoride, sodium, and lead which is sold at some of the local grocery stores (in the Natural Foods section, of course). We dump enough toxic crap into our bodies already…why add more?
Racism at Italian Soccer Matches
Here’s more fuel for my theory that the cult of team sports motivates people to violence and hatred towards one another. Thank you, Sports World, for bringing out the worst in those who worship you.
Report: Animal Cruelty Deep-Rooted in U.K.
This is another subject which makes me ask myself, “What the hell is WRONG with people?” I just can’t imagine how it’s somehow “normal” for people to torture animals (not to mention other people) like this. There’s something extremely screwed-up about either the childhoods involved or basic human nature itself. I don’t want to believe that people are born cruel this way, like some say.
This guy tries VERY hard to convince us that all men are, by nature, complete idiots and no more intelligent than the average doorknob. All women, of course, are supremely intelligent in his little world. He bases his theory entirely on what he sees in movies and on T.V. these days. And that, of course, is the fatal flaw in his ridiculous argument. You can’t let movies and T.V. define reality for you. It’s supposed to be ENTERTAINMENT. A guy looking into a fire hose is asking for trouble…that’s part of the joke. The trouble these days is that the people creating the entertainment are dropping their standards lower and lower, appealing to the lowest common denominator out there. There will always be a market for movies with lots of explosions and jiggling tits, not to mention juvenile toilet humor. Does this mean that all men are dumb animals? Nope. Just because there’s a market for garbage doesn’t mean we all like it. I do agree with this guy on his analysis of team sports and how it gives men a chance to be “tough” and play with a lot of balls, but otherwise I think he’s painting men with too broad a brush. It’s like saying all women are dumb, superficial blondes. They’re not, of course, but if this guy were a woman, he might think so. And-and-and! How DARE this man include Monty Python in his list of downward-spiraling thoughtless comedy? The Pythons were groundbreaking in their humor and satire. Granted, it’s English humor which a lot of Americans don’t connect with, but if you DO get the humor it’s brilliant. I just had to get that in. 🙂 Thanks to “Inferno” in Toronto for sending this in!
Turning Off the TV Cuts Children’s Toy Requests
Here’s a story for the “Gee, ya think?” file. I’m always amazed that it takes actual research for people to figure out that the less T.V. kids watch, the less materialistic they become. Hello! What planet are these people from? This sort of thing is common sense. T.V.’s function is NOT to entertain you. Its primary function is to sell you products. It’s that simple. And your kids are very susceptible to flashy advertising for junk and food (and junk food) they don’t need, but are convinced that they must have in order to be happy. Turn off the tube and do your kids a favor, folks. And it works for adults, too — I don’t watch T.V. anymore, haven’t had cable for years…and it’s wonderful. I feel like my brain has finally freed itself of some nagging insect that’s been sucking on it since I was a kid. Give it a try.
Fan Converts Home Into ‘Star Trek’ Spaceship
This has got to be one of the all-time greatest examples of a completely pathetic existence. It’s no wonder that this loser’s wife beamed out…the guy is obsessed! This is yet another example of the horrifying effect that T.V. can have on people…sure, it’s an extreme example, but his psychotic devotion to Star Trek stems directly from that glowing tube in his living room. And yours.
Tool feeds spam to your e-mails
More garbage from the Marketing Bastards… I hope that any American ISP which picks up and uses this product is promptly dumped by its users. Can you imagine all your e-mails being “wrapped” with advertising after you send it?? EVIL!
Faith, ‘N Sync Read for Pope
Ahhhh… These mindless, corporate-controlled marketing tools are going to show their “spiritual side” by reading prayers by the pope. How deep! How uplifting! And I’m sure millions of preteen girls will flock to their local churches after hearing N*Suck read a few prayers. Uh-huh. It’s all a show, people…don’t buy into this crap. Then again…now that I think about it, maybe this is entirely appropriate! Hasn’t Christianity been watered-down and reduced to silliness already? Strip-mall churches, dial-a-prayer, weeping criminals on TBN whining for money, Jesse Jackson and Fred Phelps…how much worse can it get? Perhaps having Britney Spears read prayers isn’t so bad after all. Maybe she can work it into a Pepsi commercial while she’s at it.
Silicon Valley Newborns to Get Immediate Email
Ah yes, now they are combining technology with parents’ hyper-promotion of their newborns. It never fails to amaze me how far some parents will go to promote their children. As if a wallet full of photos of their kids crawling through hallways and making a mess at dinner isn’t enough…now we’ll be able to see all these online AND send the child an e-mail through his very own domain! Not to mention the possibilities of action-packed streaming video of the child sleeping in his crib. Like, how cool and stuff! Folks, the baby-worship thing is really getting out of hand. Face it…not everyone is that interested in your kid. Congratulations on having one, but please…enough is enough.
Cookie Monster Is Assaulted
This is just amazing. Sounds like someone is used to getting what he wants! Poor Cookie Monster, beaten to a pulp by a deranged man who apparently lacks the maturity of his own 3-year-old.
Cold French Fries Prompt McDonald’s Shooting
Another amazing story. What’s happening to people these days? Have we really been reduced to becoming violent when we don’t get what we want or we’re not entirely satisfied with some trivial thing? This lady’s french fries were cold, so she shot out a window at McDonald’s with a BB gun. It could have been worse, but still…the very idea of someone snapping over such a petty matter is truly disturbing. Something’s not right with people these days, can you feel it?
Bush Daughters Fall Victim of Law Signed by Their Dad
That’s right, girls! Zero toleranace! Why? ‘Cause Daddy signed it into law in 1997! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I’m just loving this whole situation, can you tell?