As Children’s TV Time Rises, So Do Obesity Rates
Here’s a shocker! When will parents wake up and realize that they’re not only trashing their kids’ minds with too much T.V., but they’re trashing their bodies as well? Shut that thing off!
Chubby Teletubbies to Release Fitness Video
In a related story, it looks like some people are claiming that the Teletubbies promote pudgy bodies, so now they’re going to make a fitness video for toddlers. Oh great, one more reason to stay glued to the T.V. Turn off the tube and get those kids outside, people…geez. You don’t have to buy a special video for that, do you?
USDA Seizes ‘Mad Cow’ Sheep in Vermont
Heh. Oh boy, here we go. The Mad Cow Paranoia is beginning to hit the U.S., and I’m enjoying every moment of it! Now, this is entertainment! Those cattle & sheep farmers are beginning to realize that the way they’re raising animals isn’t the best way to go…cramming them into tiny areas and feeding them loads of chemicals and feed made from the meat of their own kind is suddenly becoming a bad thing. Even McDonald’s is feeling the heat from overseas as their UK sales drop like lead. I’ll say it again, folks: if you can’t trust the meat on the market anymore, it’s a great time to give it up! Being vegetarian doesn’t mean eating salads for every meal…look into it, you’ll be surprised. And the best part is, you won’t die a horrible brain-eating death from something you ate at lunch, isn’t that cool?
Namibian President Orders Gay Purge
All I can say is: what the hell is wrong with these people? What happened to make them hate others so? Obviously, to restrict the freedom of others because of something like sexuality is absolutely ludicrous…but thanks to ignorant upbringing and nonsensical value systems, people like this are everywhere, even in positions of power, and they will stop at nothing to harm those who are different from themselves. And humans think they’re the superior species…hmmph.
McDonald’s to Enforce Mad Cow Standards
Isn’t this interesting? McDonald’s is going to make sure that Mad Cow Disease doesn’t creep into its hamburgers, which are a health hazard to begin with. Personally I see this is a great marketing opportunity for McDonald’s. Mad Cow Burgers! People would buy these like crazy. Then again, customers would tend to die off faster, meaning less profits for the company. Perhaps McDonald’s doesn’t like anything that kills its customers more quickly than their standard products…artery-choking cholesterol and heaping loads of fat make for a slower death than Mad Cow Disease, and that means more profits. Then again, maybe it’s time that people stop eating this crap altogether, what do you think?
Candles That Pose Burn Risk Recalled
Yes, you read that right. Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t ALL candles have a burn risk? If the flame is too high, just trim the wick, dork! This sounds like another attempt to avoid lawsuits and not a concern about consumer safety, because there are a lot of dumb consumers out there who are quick to sue anybody whose products they misuse. Ah yes, another charming aspect of our society!
Burger King Recalls Kid Meal Toys
More news from the world of fast “food”. Apparently parents out there are worried about their kids choking on Burger King’s toys, but they’re just fine with feeding their kids disgusting, unhealthy food. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, that’s good parenting in action!
Man Commits Suicide Over Soccer Game
Another example of a man obsessed with sports taking things to the extreme. I guess sports scores are now worth dying over, eh? I wonder if this kind of overreaction will ever become trendy in the good ol’ U.S.A.?
Chinese Docs: Gayness Not a Disorder
Wow, what a revelation. These guys are really on top of things, eh? Geez. They’re just now figuring out that homosexuality isn’t a mental disorder? Talk about a Dark Ages mentality… I’m also disappointed that it took my own country so long to come to the same conclusion, even if it was 30 years ago.
Coming soon: You’ve got smell
Here’s another great example of expensively-developed technology that holds no real benefit to humankind. This is technology developed specifically to generate profit for the Marketing Bastards and companies selling products that you most likely don’t need. Whatever happened to REAL innovation? This is interesting in a gadgety sort of way, but come on…how is my life going to benefit from being able to squirt cyber-spread onto a cracker using my inkjet printer?
Seattle Mayor: No More Mardi Gras
Why in the world can’t people just celebrate anymore? Why do they have to revert to animals and start beating the shit out of each other? I just don’t get it. It’s as if a public party is automatic license to go nuts. Gangs of people at this thing were actually beating up others and stealing their Mardi Gras beads!! And yet the police had orders not to interfere until later in the evening. Lovely.
Corporate networks exposed to NakedWife virus
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love this… Dumb, gullible users tantalized by a “nude photo” of someone’s wife, only to end up as victims of a nasty virus that wipes out crucial files on their computers. Isn’t that beautiful? Morons falling victim to other morons. I love it! And I’ll say it again, for anyone who still doesn’t understand how this stuff works: do NOT open an attachment from someone you don’t know, especially if it’s an .EXE file. Period! And if you ignore this advice, the sound you hear as the virus munches on your data will be my evil giggle…. 😉