Supermodel Banned From Shop?
The very fact that this even made the headlines shows what boneheads the media are. So some airhead supermodel threw a tantrum at some boutique…who cares? We don’t need to read this crap! Don’t give these overpaid, regurgitating stick figures any more publicity, even negative publicity…ignore them and they will go away. Their egos are causing far too much damage to our society. (Of course, I’m sort of giving her publicity right now. Oh, the irony.)
Virus blame passed to users
Well, it’s about time that the blame for virus troubles be shifted to the users. If you’re dumb enough to ignore all the warnings about suspect e-mails and their attachments, you deserve to be infected…and if you work for a corporation which was affected by your actions, you also deserve to have your e-mail access removed or limited. Yeah! I love that policy… The rule about e-mails from strangers is clear: Do NOT open an attachment from someone you don’t know, especially if it’s an .EXE file! If you can’t remember this little common-knowledge tidbit, then I’m rooting for the virus.
Fans Pay Homage to Earnhardt
Here’s another fine example of the god status that sports figures have amongst their fans. This guy drove his car around and around in a circle for a living. That’s it! Well, he also sold a lot of t-shirts and other mass-marketed crapola, but I wouldn’t exactly count that among the world’s finest achievements. And yet, now that he’d dead, people are weeping and gnashing their teeth and acting like a great spiritual leader has passed on! I think it’s time for us to start calling our local animal shelters to see if America’s runaway sense of priorities has turned up anywhere…
Tyson Recalls 1,150 Tons of Cooked Chicken
This kind of thing is happening more and more often lately. All I can say is: now is a good time to start exploring vegetarian diet options. Seriously!
Porn Czar Says Inexperience Is Irrelevant
This is just priceless. This 40-year-old woman has never had sex, yet she thinks porn is “obscene”. How can she possibly know that? She’s one of those people who says “I can’t define what makes something obscene, but I know it when I see it.” Well, how can she draw the line between “good” and “bad” sex when she hasn’t had either one? She only believes what others have taught her to believe…she has no personal experience to back up those thoughts. In other words, she’s a fraud. And she is in charge of the censorship witch hunt to control what others can and can’t enjoy in their own homes. Does that sound rational to you? One funny thing about this story is that she says she spends her free time involved in “wholesome activities”, such as taking her nieces to Disney movies. Um, speaking of polluting the mind…
Priest pleads guilty to attacking abortion clinic
More news involving those wacky Catholic Priests. Isn’t this just unbelievable? I just can’t comprehend how these “psychos of the cloth” can justify their actions. They all claim to work in the name of God, of course, but do they really think they’re doing any real service with such violent acts? Then again, they teach (and are taught) that God is vengeful and is to be feared…maybe they think that if they inflict such fear on others, it will make them change their ways. Sorry, but we aren’t in the Dark Ages any longer, which is where the teachings of this religion seem to have stayed. When will they start equating God with love, not fear and force?
Priest Opposes Thongs in Trinidad Carnival
Don’t these people have more important things to be concerned about? If thongs are such a threat to the spiritual welfare of Catholics, let’s just have the Pope ban them. He’s the guy with the direct T1 connection to God, right? Surely the Pope knows what’s good for us all.
Study: Money, Luxury Can’t Buy Happiness
Another “duh!” moment in the media. I wonder how much money did they waste trying to figure THAT one out? Money controls our very lives…everything in our world revolves around how much money is in some account somewhere. And it’s not even “real” money, it’s just a bunch of numbers in cyberspace, yet it controls an alarming number of decisions we make in life. Meanwhile, we go through life struggling to earn as much money as possible so that we can somehow be “free”, but what exactly are we trying to free ourselves from? I haven’t done any formal studies or anything, but it occurs to me that if people would simplify their lives so that they don’t NEED so much money to survive, they might be a little happier.
What an excellent article!! “Fast Food Nation,” a stomach-churning critique of the health and labor practices of the burger business, argues that Americans should change their dietary habits. Good luck.
TV Ads Can Shape Toddlers’ Food Choice
You know, this kind of thing belongs in its own section called “Obvious News”. Of COURSE kids are influenced by T.V. ads! Look at how hard it is to get them to eat healthy food…they’re hooked on sugary, fatty crap that YOU let them see on T.V. The marketing people have told your kids what they want…your kids are hooked like millions of little fish. And they know that you’ll break down and buy it for them like the good sheeple you are. Do your kids a favor and turn it off, folks.
XFL, Week 2: Sacked!
I just LOVE this. The XFL seems to be getting worse and worse… I hope the network ends up completely embarrassing itself with this brain-rot. We don’t need more mindless garbage on T.V., especially considering the fact that the entire sports world is mostly comprised of mindless garbage.
Cell phone locator snags funds from Intel, Ericsson
Oh, great. Now they’ll be able to see where I am at all times. Of course, they’re mostly going to use this to “deliver services and advertisements to consumers wherever they go”, which is pure evil in itself, but in the meantime, I’m sure the government is already making good use of this stuff.
Britney Joins the Pepsi Generation
This is the ultimate sign of a sell-out. Once you start hawking soft drinks or fast food, your original career officially ends and you’ve joined the long list of celebrities who have traded their talents for money in order to become Spokespersons. How can anyone take people like this seriously again (if they even did in the first place)?
Supermodel Reveals ‘Hate’ for Industry
So ya hate the industry so much that you went right back into it, didn’t ya? Gee, what conviction! She’s been bought and sold (and bought again) like everyone else in the Beauty Market…
XFL Scores Early, Fumbles Late
(Or click here for a much more entertaining article about this crappy sport.) Oh, I just love this. A new football league spawned from the WWF appears to be fueled by shallowness and cheap tactics to gain viewership. Wow, what a revelation, huh? Who woulda guessed? Well, maybe this quote from the XFL FAQ (on the XFL homepage) is a good indication: “Yes, the XFL has cheerleaders and isn’t afraid to let people know it. Indeed, XFL cheerleaders will play an integral role at games, both live and on television, and fans will get to know their names and personalities.” Another part of the FAQ actually stated that the game would “encourage player individuality to emerge”. What? Football players experiencing independent thought? Riiiight. Yes, this is a sign of truly pukeworthy television. The New York Post actually called it “predictably unmitigated garbage,” isn’t that great? Anyway, the last thing America needs is more sports hysteria to infest our already sports-saturated society, so personally I hope this XFL thing goes down in great big bullshit flames. It was developed from bullshit ideas by bullshit people, marketed to football fans with extreme bullshittiness, and played by bullshit players while the cheerleaders hop and bounce and shout their bullshitty cheers. Turn if off, America…haven’t you been insulted enough?
Aquarium workers ate rare turtle
What’s the problem here? It’s not as if the workers killed the turtle and then ate it…the thing was already dead! Sure, it’s not exactly the kind of thing I’d have on my menu, but if you’re the adventurous type, why not? Leave it to someone from the “Dolphin Freedom Federation” to raise a stink about someone eating a dead turtle. You’d think he would have better things to do with his time, such as…oh, I don’t know…helping free the dolphins or something.
Critics Oppose Christian Theme Park
Oh, this is rich. A theme park that re-creates the Holy Land during the biblical era? Hmmmm. I wonder if it’s going to include the violence and fear and oppression of the time? Will visitors be led into 40 years of aimless wandering in the desert? (A GPS unit would come in handy for that.) Will burning bushes be present without endangering the tourists? Will rulebreaking visitors be crucified or simply lose a hand? The possibilities are endless! On a more serious note, however, I don’t agree with the critics when they say this is just a way to convert Jews. The way I look at it, the very idea of a religious theme park is incredibly insulting to the religion in question. Hasn’t Christianity been cheapened enough? Criminal televangelists, strip-mall churches, sappy rock music, and Jesse Jackson are only a few of the many strikes against it. If anything, the Jews should be snickering and poking fun at such a park! I would be just as insulted by an Islam, Hindu, or Wiccan theme park. (Imagine something like “Witchyland” or “Kaliwood” popping up somewhere in your city…horrifying!). Stuff like this cheapens religion, which is supposed to be approached with at least a little bit of reverence…right?
Republicans Launch New Attack on Abortion Pill
Yeah, big surprise. Isn’t it interesting that these politicians pretend to be soooo concerned about protecting life, and yet I don’t see them rushing out to adopt thousands of children who need loving parents. They just want YOU to keep having those kids, no matter what the cost to you (or the kids). Children are born into extreme poverty and violent, unhealthy households every single day, but that doesn’t seem to matter. (Yes, I think that people should just stop screwing if they don’t want kids, but we all know that’ll never happen.) Anyway, do you know the fastest way to get them to start supporting the pill? Start leaving unwanted & unplanned babies outside the office doors of these politicians who think they should control what you do with your body. If they care so much about letting these kids be born, then we should let THEM take care of them. Once they get a few thousand kids on their doorsteps, maybe they’ll reconsider RU-486. Ya think?
Desert Dessert? Jell-O Seeks to Mold Opinion
Wow, what a great honor to have Jell-o as your state’s official snackfood! Geez. I can’t believe this… It’s amazing to see how much value people will put on such worthless things. Apparently Utah wants to be eternally associated with a commercial product — is this the highest “honor” they can strive for? What exactly are these students at BYU smoking? Maybe all that Jell-O has created an imbalance of the brain chemical which controls the concept of dignity. Once again we are reminded that these companies will do anything in the world to promote their products, no matter how silly. “Official snack food”? WhatEVER.
U.K. “Ex-Gay” Group Gives Up
Pardon me, but…. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is just priceless. It’s almost as fun as that “ex-gay” who was caught in a gay bar last year. Almost, but not quite. When will these religious nitwits kickstart their brains and figure out that this stuff is hard-wired? Homosexuality is not a learned behavior, it’s not a choice, it’s not something you can cure through prayer…indeed, it’s not even something be “cured” at all. It’s just the way some people are. So grow up and deal with it!