t.v. » Quantum Moronics

To a moron in Boise, “Portlandia” is a “minstrel show”

Jan 222012

Wow. This guy rrreeeaaaallllyyy needs to pull that corn cob out of his ass and get a sense of humor. I never feel that this show encourages us to hate the stereotypes they poke fun of…they’re just taking it to a new level of absurdity. Does he also think the hundreds of mindless sitcoms about fat, stupid husbands with smart, hot wives are also “minstrel shows?”

Oh, not to mention that comparing hipster humor to racism is beyond idiotic. What a tool this guy is.

The sketch-comedy series from SNL alum Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein, former guitarist for Sleater-Kinney, chronicles the misadventures of artistic oddballs and the uber-politically correct as they play adult hide and seek, go dumpster diving and “put a bird on it.” Sketches feature characters like angry bikers and ultra-sensitive couples as they insist on ordering only local food from menus.

The problem is that much of the humor functions with a structure similar to racist jokes, in which viewers are encouraged to despise the characters. But unlike the sorts of characters written for SNL, Portlandia’s are not based off personal quirks like attaching the suffix “idge” to everything but off of cultural stereotypes. These sketches are the white subcultural equivalent of a minstrel show, that while perhaps intended as a charming homage to oddballs, has in fact drummed up a sentiment best summarized as “it’s about damned time someone put those weirdos in their place.”

via Boise Weekly

Beck gets the boot right up his fat, crazy arse

Idiots & Assholes (Politics)

Apr 062011

I really don’t have an opinion on this. Oh, except: good riddance you fear-mongering, lie spreading, conspiracy junkie twat! Your unthinking, believe-anything Foxtard audience can fuck off as well, you both deserve each other. It’s just too bad that some equally crazy moron will soon replace you…

Beck was a quick burn on Fox News Channel. Almost immediately after joining the network in January 2009, he doubled the ratings at his afternoon time slot. Fans found his conservative populism entertaining, while Comedy Centrals Stephen Colbert described Becks “crank up the crazy and rip off the knob” moments.

He was popular with Tea Party activists and drew thousands of people to the National Mall in Washington last August for a “restoring honor” rally.

Yet some of his statements were getting him in trouble, and critics appealed to advertisers to boycott his show last summer after Beck said President Barack Obama had “a deep-seated hatred for white people.”

More than 400 Fox advertisers told the company they did not want their commercials on Becks show.

via Seattle Times Newspaper

Plus-size T.V.?

General Blatherings

Oct 272010

Apparently there’s a new show on the teevee called “Mike & Molly” about two fat people who fell in love after meeting at Overeaters Anonymous. Once again, American sitcom writers demonstrate their superb cleverness! Sigh. And, shocker of all shockers, there are plenty of fat and eating jokes in it. People are freaking out about the show, too–not only are they upset at all the fat jokes, but it sounds like some are just plain disgusted by seeing people on the tube who aren’t rail-thin or super toned. ”Like, fat people are soooo gross and stuff, gawwwd! Gimme some hot Jersey Shore hos and douches with hot bodies and stuff, amirite??”

…While it’s done well so far in the ratings, the CBS sitcom “Mike & Molly,” about a couple who meet at an Overeaters Anonymous group, has drawn complaints for its abundance of fat jokes. It’s also drawn cries from some viewers who aren’t comfortable watching intimacy between two plus-sized actors.

“At this point, if a show is centered around a plus-sized or an obese character, it does seem to be a big plot line,” said Lizbeth Scordo, a contributing editor for the Yahoo TV blog. “With ‘Huge,’ it was about a weight loss camp, and with ‘Mike & Molly,’ [the show's producers] keep saying it’s about two blue-collar people falling in love. And that is part of it, but if you’ve seen the show, you know there are a lot of weight jokes.”

via CNN.com

What I don’t understand is why they have to make a show with fat people in it and fill it with fat jokes and a fat-centric plot. Why can’t they just be fat people leading everyday lives with everyday problems? You know, like people do every day? Fat people making fat jokes simply isn’t funny. Look at comedian Louie Anderson–it’s been years since I’ve paid him any attention, but the last I knew, his comedy was mostly about his fatness. I have never once laughed at that man’s jokes. But I digress…

I guess fat people who don’t demean themselves are considered to be too boring for teevee watchers. God, American sitcoms are such crap! OK, we do have “Modern Family” which hardly ever makes its two fat characters’ weight the focus of a joke or plot, but such shows seem to be rare. Or are they? I don’t watch a huge amount of network teevee, so feel free to point out some other shows with “regular” fat people if you know of any.

Enough with the forehead-L thing already!

Fun Stuff

Sep 072010

Can I just say that it really, really irritates the living shit out of me when people make that “L” sign on their forehead? You know, like they’re saying “I/you are a loser! Get it?” Yeah, like they do for that annoying show “Glee”, where the pretty teens with beautiful singing voices have so many angsty teen problems because they’re supposed to be so ugly and awkward, but because American T.V. writers have a hard time casting actual ugly people they’ve cast pretty teens with beautiful singing voices…

But I digress. When I see that logo I simply want to scream. The “L” forehead thing has been overdone since 1994 when Jim Carrey first did it, people–it’s time to move on, goddammit!

Here, let me fix that for ya…

There! Much better!

Here comes the Hasbro Channel!

Unfuckingbelievable!

May 032009

This sends chills down my spine. Toy company Hasbro is actually creating its own network…targeted at kids, naturally. It will feature new shows “developed around Hasbro brands, including Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit, My Little Pony, G.I. Joe, and Transformers.”

Are these people fucking kidding?? Shows about toys are nothing new, but come on… Oh well, what’s one more way to fill our kids’ heads with trash? At least the Scrabble show has the limited potential to be somewhat maybe educational in a sorta roundabout kinda way. Or not.

Saturday time-wasters

Fun Stuff

Nov 222008

These are a few things I’ve had bookmarked for the blog for a while so it’s time to get ‘em out there.

So this is why Ronald McDonald is always smiling! God, this is funny. Not enough guys going down on him, though…I think ol’ Ronald needs someone who knows how to do it right.

Also from holytaco.com comes 40 Awesome Versions of Jesus. I think the guitar one and the birthday card are my faves. Gloriously blasphemeous, and just in time for the holidays!

I’ve only seen one season of “American Idol”, and that was only because my partner at the time was really into that “everyday people competing on T.V.” shit. It was the season with Ruben and Clay, and it was interesting…for one season. After that, I was over it. But it’s still a huge hit, and judging by this hilarious video of heartbroken David Archuleta fans, it can crush one’s soul and ruin one’s life for all eternity.

I love how they all shriek in agony and cover their faces like they’re watching someone kick the crap out of their puppy. A couple even drop to their knees, screaming “No! Noooo!” One of them even shouts, “How could they vote for that guy? He doesn’t even SHAVE!” It’s priceless. (The good stuff happens about 30 seconds in.)

Larry David’s thoughts on pre-election suffering

Idiots & Assholes (Politics)

Oct 232008

I love Larry David’s stuff. His show “Curb Your Enthusiasm” is right up there with “The Office” (BBC version) for cringe-inducing humor and absurd situations. I’m not old enough to be a curmudgeon, even though I feel like one sometimes, but I can be one vicariously through him. And when I saw that he wrote a short piece on the elections for the Huffington Post today, I had to zip on over there to see it. And he doesn’t disappoint–he’s nailed my sentiments on this election shit exactly:

Five times a day I’ll still say to someone, “I don’t know what I’m going to do if McCain wins.” Of course, the reality is I’m probably not going to do anything. What can I do? I’m not going to kill myself. If I didn’t kill myself when I became impotent for two months in 1979, I’m certainly not going to do it if McCain and Palin are elected, even if it’s by nefarious means. If Obama loses, it would be easier to live with it if it’s due to racism rather than if it’s stolen. If it’s racism, I can say, “Okay, we lost, but at least it’s a democracy. Sure, it’s a democracy inhabited by a majority of disgusting, reprehensible turds, but at least it’s a democracy.”

I have this great fear that we’re going to end up with McCain as President, and days later we’ll hear that more voting machines were tampered with, more people were harassed and intimidated into not voting, and thousands more were bumped off the voter rolls. This shit is already happening, and it may get worse in the next two weeks…and by the time the truth comes out, it’ll be too late to do anything. Democrats can play dirty tricks too, but the Republicans are especially good at it. After all, McCain is guilty of paying people to fuck with voter registrations. That should tell you something about where we might be headed.

The debates were particularly challenging for me to monitor. First I tried running in and out of the room so I would only hear my guy. This worked until I knocked over a tray of hors d’oeuvres. “Sit down or get out!” my host demanded. “Okay,” I said, and took a seat, but I was more fidgety than a ten-year-old at temple. I just couldn’t watch without saying anything, and my running commentary, which mostly consisted of “Shut up, you prick!” or “You’re a fucking liar!!!” or “Go to hell, you cocksucker!” was way too distracting for the attendees, and finally I was asked to leave.

Oh, Critter and I were yelling things at the T.V. screen just like this. I think a lot of Americans were. “WHAT did he say? Is this dumbshit serious? Look at her! She’s reading from notecards! Oh, she did NOT just wink at us, that simpering twat!” That’s the only way to deal with some of the things coming out of those GOP mouths, it’s a simple self-defense measure. So it was great to see someone like Larry David come out and express those feelings. We’re all right with ya, Larry. I do have a glimmer of hope about the election, finally…I think we just might pull it off and break the GOP stranglehold on the country. But this crazy, frenzied time just before the big day is hell on the nerves!

Is it any wonder that voters are fed up?

Idiots & Assholes (Politics)

Sep 232008

With stories like these, how can one have much hope that America’s TeeVee-sucking hordes won’t be electing (whether they meant to or not) another asshole Republican as President?

Voter Database Glitches Could Disenfranchise Thousands – That’s right, your vote still doesn’t count, and yet they insist on making us use these easily-hackable machines. But that’s why they make us use them: they’re not secure and easily tampered with. Tell me again why I my vote counts?

GOP group behind negative Obama poll – Some douchebag GOPers decided to conduct a telephone poll amongst Jewish voters which paints Obama as a terrorist. Because to the GOP everyone’s a potential terrorist…unless you’re in the GOP, of course. Gotta love how that works!

Forum sells ‘Obama Waffles’ with racial stereotype – Yes, these waffles are real and they’re only slightly less racist than Aunt Jemima. Or are they? They certainly don’t share Aunt Jemima’s enthusiasm for breakfast foods. And yes, he’s wearing an Arab-like headdress even though he’s a Christian. You know, the ol’ terrorist angle again. But hey, there’s a free white hood and Golliwog doll in every box!

There are many other mind-bendingly depressing and anger-stirring things happening out there, but I just can’t bring myself to say much about them. I think it’s a sign of finally losing hope and settling for whatever the dumbfuck voters are swayed by. But still…I have a teensy, tiny spark of optimism that Obama will win. I’m not throwing all my support behind him, but since we have so little to choose from (God I hate this two-party crap), he’s the one I’d have to pick.

Are You Being Served…In Blackface?

General Blatherings

Apr 142008

When I was in college back in the early/mid 90′s and living with my best friend Troy, we go into the habit of watching “Are You Being Served?” on the local PBS station. We even sat through an all-day marathon of the shows once, hosted by none other than Molly Sugden (Mrs. Slocombe). I remember it being a silly British show poking fun at the stiffness and over-formality of working at an old-fashioned department store. It had some great characters: the crabby old senior salesman, the pompous, lecherous floorwalker, the gossiping senior saleswoman who always talked about her pussy (cat), the busty junior saleswoman, the cheeky, smartass junior salesman, the ancient, skirt-chasing store owner, and (of course) the mincing queen whose attempts at sexual ambiguity were completely in vain. Anyway, the show was just a dim memory for me, so Critter and I thought it would be fun to rent the entire series (14 volumes’ worth) from Netflix and just plow our way through them.

We’ve been enjoying watching it and seeing how the series changed over the years, but we’ve found that as the seasons wear on, some of the writing gets less clever and relies more on filler material like musical numbers or having them all dress up in some sort of costume. This is painfully obvious in the 1981 Christmas special titled “Roots?”, which we watched last night. The episode was basically an excuse for the cast to dress up and sing and dance and act silly in honor of the boss’ 90th birthday. They went through several time-wasting musical numbers in various costumes, but at the end of the show they all ran out onto the stage wearing red jackets and black-and-white striped suits, singing loudly with tamborines in hand…and all but one of the main cast was in blackface, with a poofy afro wig. Critter and I stared at the screen with our mouths open in horror, saying “Whaaaaaat theeeee fuuuuuuck??”

The cast danced their way through their big finale, ran off the stage, then ran back on for a bow. When it ended we were a bit shell-shocked. It’s not the first time we’ve seen a BBC show do the minstrel thing, though usually it’s used for absurd or edgy humor–”Little Britain” joked with it a little, and “League of Gentlemen” has a creepy/hilarious circus ringleader character named Papa Lazarou who is unforgettable once you’ve seen him. But we never expected the cast from like this show to go all minstrelsy! The timing was weird as well, because just a couple of nights before we were wondering why some British comedies seem to have a “thing” for minstrel humor. (Wikipedia has an interesting article on the history of blackface if you’re curious.)

Anyway, I had definitely never seen it, since (as I later found out) some PBS stations choose not to air it, and I think I would have remembered if I had! I also noted that Miss Brahms isn’t in the makeup…from what I can gather on Google, she was either uncomfortable with doing blackface or traditionally only the men do it. But Mrs. Slocome was all made up, so who knows.

Pick & choose

Geek Streak

Sep 232007

For years, many people have wondered why they can’t buy T.V. channels one-by-one instead of a single big package of channels, 90% of which are shitty ones they’ll never watch. Now someone has filed a suit against the major cable and satellite companies demanding that they offer their channels on a piecemeal basis. Finally!

The cable industry always protests vehemently, spouting the same stuff: “We can’t do this, it’ll be too expensive!” Bullshit. They also say that if we could order only the channels we want, certain niche channels that have smaller viewership would be dropped altogether because they’re typically packaged with the large-viewership channels. But why should I have to pay for crap I’ll never watch, like religious programming, MTV, the Nashville Network, and all sports channels? It’s not fair, dammit.

Here’s what I’d like to see: letting us go online and change our billing & channel selection at will. Imagine logging into your account, and it displays a list of channels you’re currently subscribed to. There’s also a list of unsubscribed channels you can pick from, so you put a checkmark next to each new channel you want. Maybe you want to drop the Give Jesus Money channel, so you uncheck that one. Frankly, I don’t blame you. Then you click Update Subscription, and once the request is processed on their systems (in a few minutes, hopefully), suddenly your cable box is picking up the channels you picked. Wouldn’t that be cool? I don’t watch cable because I detest the advertising and 95% of the programming, but I’d consider getting a cable package if I had this kind of choice. Having to download torrents of the shows I do watch is kind of a pain, y’know?

So what about pricing? Well, how about charging a flat rate of $1/channel monthly or something? If you honestly watch 100+ channels, then pay for it rather than making the rest of us pay for dozens of channels we don’t want. And if there’s truth to the argument about lower-viewership channels (subsidized by more popular ones) being in danger of being dropped, they can either 1) drop the channels and piss people off, or 2) have subscribers pay a premium price for them. Use the viewership numbers (based on how many subscribe using the web-based idea above) and determine a suitable price. If you must have the Underwater Basketweaving Channel or the Extreme Antiques Channel, you should be willing to pay more for it. And hey, if those channels get more popular, then your fees go down. Yay!

See, it’s not that big of a deal. You cable companies need to stop being such whiny infants and start giving your clients a little more choice and control, even if it costs you some money up front. And look, I just threw in two ideas for free!

Older Entries