Be blurry, foul temptresses!

 Holy Shit! (Religion)
Aug 152012
 

Damn those women and their evil, tantalizing ways!  Our only option is to block the image of their filthy boobs with blurry glasses.  No, really.

An ultra-Orthodox organization has developed a range of products to act as a first line of defense against the threat of seeing immodest women, Israeli media reported on Tuesday.

In a change of tactics from previous ultra-Orthodox strategies that in the past have targeted women as the culprits of lasciviousness, the Committee for Purity in the Camp offers a variety of gadgets to limit the field of view and so prevent men from exposure to over-exposed women. The devices have recently gone on sale in ultra-Orthodox neighborhoods of Jerusalem and elsewhere.

Two semi-transparent stickers applied to the lenses of the user’s spectacles blur vision of anything beyond the range of a few meters and so diffuse immodestly dressed women to a harmless blot.

Determined to provide a solution for everyone, the committee also offers non-prescription glasses at NIS 130 $32.50. Those who are blessed with good vision and don’t require corrective glasses can buy a pair and then apply the stickers to the lenses, reducing their vision to a safe blur.

The organization also offers head scarfs that extend over the eyes for added protection against concupiscence.

via The Times of Israel

But wait, why not take this to its logical conclusion and just wear a blindfold everywhere?  Grab a cane and tap your way through life without ever having to worry about seeing an uncovered leg, a boob, or a luscious pair of lips.  Or here’s a radical idea:  accept the fact that sexual thoughts are natural and biological, and not the product of an evil force (women) trying to tempt you into acts of pure evil.  They may not be directly blaming women with these glasses, but the idea is still there.

Shocker: atheists are almost human

 Holy Shit! (Religion)
Jun 252012
 

Check out this headline:  ”Studies say atheists, believers both do good, but for different reasons.”  Well, no shit.  Ya mean atheists don’t just run around kicking babies and stomping on puppies?  Well I’ll be kajiggered!

Researchers at the University of California, Berkeley conducted three experiments that show less religious people perform acts of generosity more from feelings of compassion than do more religious people. The findings were published in the current issue of the online journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.

Their results challenge traditional thinking about what drives religious people to perform acts of kindness for others.

via The Washington Post

And get a load of this quote:

“We find that nonreligious people do feel compassion for others, and that those feelings are strongly related to whether they choose to help others or not.”

So it’s an amazing discovery that nonreligious people actually feel compassion for others?  For fuck’s sake!  It’s like they’re studying some sort of brand-new species or alien life form:  the nonbeliever with a sense of right, wrong, and compassion.

97% of you will read this. 3% of you won’t because you’re assholes.

 General Blatherings
Jun 012012
 

In today’s edition of Stuff That’s Not Important But Is Irritating Nonetheless…

I’ve had it with these Facebook posts telling me to “like” a photo or share it in order to support some cause. You know the ones:  ”Show your support in the fight against [insert cause here] by sharing this!  97% of my friends won’t do it so let’s see who really cares!”  Fuck you.  Clicking a button on a website or sharing a photo does nothing but make you feel better.  If you want to be part of the solution, make donation or volunteer your time, asshole.  Don’t imply that I don’t care about cancer just because I didn’t click your picture.  And let’s not even get into the arbitrary percentages of friends who will or won’t what they say!  Where do people come up with this stuff?  Are their lives really this empty?  I posted about this a couple of years ago when people were trying to end child abuse by sharing Facebook photos, and my attitude hasn’t changed.  (I’m quite proud of that post. :) )

Here’s one of the worst ones I’ve seen in ages:

Noble intentions, but come on.  How pointless is this?  This silly clicking-to-feel-better business is super annoying, especially when someone posts something like it every other day.  Yeah, I could mute this person on my Facebook feed…and yet, part of me loves seeing what will be posted next.

But wait, there’s more!  This one (from the same person) made me laugh my ass off.

Wow, two Likes in an hour?  That’s a long way from your goal of 100.  I guess ya failed to wish cancer away.  Too bad.

Anyway, I’ve been wanting to create a parody graphic of these for a while now, so tonight I finally got around to it.  I poured myself a goblet of wine and opened MS Word, and…  Behold, the baby guilt FB graphic!

Originally I had it written as “your crack whore mother” but I thought that might be a bit harsh. :)  I’ll have to come up with more of these–maybe something in support of a nonexistent disease.  This one’s obviously a joke, but if they’re written convincingly enough maybe they’ll spread by people too dumb to know any better.  Hmmm, I’ll have to see what I can come up with.

Scrubbing away the grease of lunatics

 Holy Shit! (Religion)
Mar 252012
 

This is brilliant:  a bunch of delusional Christians “anointed” a road with oil in order to purify drivers in Christ’s love, so a group of atheists went out there and scrubbed it clean.

County Road 98 in Polk County, Fla., was scrubbed today by a group of atheists who are protesting the “Polk Under Prayer” campaign, supporters of which poured olive oil on the road last year in an anointment ceremony.

“Mainly we want this to be a safe haven for folks who want to raise their families,” explained Polk Under Prayer organizer, Dr. Richard Geringswald, according to ABC News affiliate WFTS-TV in Tampa. “Asking God’s protection from ne’er do wells and evil doers.”

Ellen Beth Wachs, the president of Humanists of Florida Association and Atheists of Florida, said that she feels unwelcome as an atheist in the county.

Oh, but that’s not even the best part.  No, the level of crazy is truly revealed in the next paragraph of the story.

“This anointment ritual was to call out the angels to check each car that entered the county, to make sure they were Christian, and if they weren’t Christian, they would either follow Christian beliefs or get put in jail,” Wachs told ABC News.

via ABC News

That’s right, folks:  these people were performing some sort of Christian voodoo/magick/woo-woo spell on a road, hoping it would somehow magically transform drivers into pure, white Christian folk and put the rest in JAIL.  Holy fuckin’ shitballs, this takes things to a whole different level.  And yet, they’d be the first ones to point fingers at other religions which practice this kind of ritual spellcasting and call them evil and impure.  (Plus, doesn’t pouring oil on a road make it a danger to drive on?  Not sure on that one.)

Theaters to punish those who don’t like 3-D

 Movies, Unfuckingbelievable!
Mar 242012
 

Christ.  If there’s anything that will make me stop going to the movies forever, it’s paying a higher price to not see a movie in 3-D.  I avoid watching new movies in 3-D whenever I can–I think it’s an expensive, gimmicky way to get people into theaters and it has very little payoff in terms of making it a more exciting experience (“Avatar” was a rare exception, though I still didn’t find it as mind-blowing as some did).

So, in a nutshell…  Fuck.  That.  Shit.

Writing for Screen Trade Magazine Joe Paletta, CEO of Spotlight Theaters, announces that cinemas will begin to eliminate the premium charges on 3D movies and raise the prices of 2D movies to make up the difference. This gives me the rage. 3D movies give me a headache and eye-strain, and I actively avoid them. I hate the idea that Id be charged a premium on the few 2D movies I can find in order to subsidize 3D screenings.

via Boing Boing

America at the brink of total devastation due to appearance of middle finger on live television

 General Blatherings, Idiots & Assholes (Politics)
Feb 212012
 

Okay, I know I’m way late with this one but I created a draft post the day it happened and then promptly forgot all about finishing it up. :)

So everybody knows about MIA’s flipping of the proverbial bird to the Super Bowl audience a couple of weeks ago.  The way the Parents Television Council (a.k.a. The National Commission of Prudes and Perpetually Offended Religious Blowhards) is reacting to it is pure magic:  self-righteous offense at a simple gesture, claiming that millions of people were insulted and spiritually wounded by an assault on their morals.  Witness the crazy:

The PTC says the NFL promised the organization a clean show despite casting performers with provocative reputations.

“NBC fumbled and the NFL lied because a performer known as M.I.A. felt it necessary to flip off millions of families,” wrote PTC president Tim Winter. “It is unfortunate that a spectacular sporting event was overshadowed once again by broadcasting the selfish acts of a desperate performer. Last week the NFL formally told the PTC – and the American public – that the Super Bowl halftime show would be ‘appropriate.’ Most families would agree that the middle finger aimed directly at them is not appropriate, especially during the most-watched television event of the year.”

According to an NBC spokesperson, the monitoring system tried to blur M.I.A’s gesture, but was too late by a fraction of a second (photo and video here). The NFL, however, hired the talent and produced the show.

“The mechanism NBC had in place to catch this type of material completely failed, and the network cannot say it was caught off guard,” Winter continued. “It has been eight years since the Janet Jackson striptease, and both NBC and the NFL knew full well what might happen. They chose a lineup full of performers who have based their careers on shock, profanity, and titillation. Instead of preventing indecent material, they enabled it. M.I.A. used a middle finger shamelessly to bring controversial attention to herself, while effectively telling an audience filled with children, ‘eff-you.’”

via EW.com

Ya know what?  Every time something like this happens on live T.V. and groups like this get upset, I want to stand up and cheer.  These morons need to be offended.  Lighten the fuck up, America!

The Sock of Turin

 Fun Stuff, Holy Shit! (Religion)
Jan 042012
 

Yeah, it’s sort of a tabloid story…but some people really believe they’re seeing this shit!

Miss Crane said she began making a shrine to the sock, but when she moved it, some of its delicate creases fell away and the image is now not as clear.

‘But you can still just about make out his face,’ she said.

‘Unfortunately, it’s not quite good enough to donate to our local church, but our friends have all been round to see it.’

via Mail Online

Wedding at Starbucks: an American dream

 Unfuckingbelievable!
Dec 082011
 

How romantic!  *gag*  Talk about scraping the absolute bottom of the barrel in taste and dignity.  This is almost (but not quite) as bad as that puke-inducing wedding at a Waffle House.  I wonder if the bride threw a scalding-hot drink over her head for some unlucky bridesmaid to catch.  That would actually be pretty awesome.

You homophobes who think marriage is still “sacred” can stick this right in your latte hole!

In a scene that could be straight out of Best In Show, a couple whose romanced blossomed over cups of Starbucks’ pricey caffeine decided that the java joint was the perfect place to bind themselves together for eternity.

The dream wedding happened last night at a Starbucks in Tulsa, where the couple has become a bit of a fixture during their time together.

via The Consumerist.

The Rapture: Take 2

 Holy Shit! (Religion)
Oct 202011
 

Here we go again.  Not being content with being proven OH SO FUCKING EMBARRASSINGLY WRONG last May 21 when his Rapture prediction went completely limp, this crazy old coot is back once again saying the new Rapture is…tomorrow.  (If you’re reading this, you weren’t taken up to Heaven.  Sorry.  And congratulations.)

Have you noticed a slight crispness in the atmosphere recently? A chilling edge to the breeze, a dry clarity to the air, a new rattle in the trees? It’s fall, right? No! It’s actually the looming apocalypse, which comes tomorrow, according to professional rapture-predictor Harold Camping.

Well, “probably” comes tomorrow. Camping, who could not possibly look any more like you expect him to, predicted that the world would end on May 21—and launched a media blitz announcing the date—only to find, as you have likely noticed, that the world kept on turning. Undaunted, the host of Family Radio, now residing in a nursing home, announced that, actually, October 21 is the Rapture.

via Gawker

Luke Skywalker = Jesus Christ! No, really!

 Holy Shit! (Religion)
Sep 072011
 

Here’s a great book for a coffee table…or the bathroom.  It claims to offer spiritual advice by comparing Christian teachings to “Star Wars”.  I kid you not, this shit is real.  It’s yet another example of Christians trying to make their religion cool, modern, and interesting to young people.

We can lump this batshit craziness in with the other lame attempts at Christian coolness:  hip-hop/rock music, action movies, comic books, flash mobs, and video games.  Your beliefs will never be hip and modern, they will never reach pop culture greatness.  Just admit it and quit trying, will ya?  Y’all are really looking more stupid than ever lately.

Celebrate the 30th Anniversary of Star Wars with this fascinating book

Star Wars Jesus deftly blends spiritual commentary with cinematic imagery to reveal Jesus to all those who love this series. The result is a refreshingly new vision of both the movie series and faith. Written in 101 entries that chronologically follow the movies this book is well suited to short reads from the coffee table.

via Google eBookstore

 Older Entries