Sep 232012
 

Check out these spam numbers from the past few months.  Notice a slight surge in spam comments for September?

Fuck a duck!  It jumped from an average of 400/month to over 8000.  What caused that??  95% of them were comments on the post about Nike shoes and Jesus, but I wonder why that post.  Maybe they’re targeting posts about Nike…or Jesus.  All I gotta say is THANK YOU to Akismet for preventing each and every one of those comments from being posted, not to mention letting me nuke them all at once.  Also, hooray for IP range bans!

Sep 092010
 

I’ve disabled user registrations (at least I think I did) because since switching to WordPress I’ve been getting around 10 spammy registrations per week.  And to be honest, I don’t really see the point of having user registrations here anyway.  It’s not like I have contributing writers or anything…

I do love getting comments, though, so those will always be on the menu.  If you’re a regular, just stick your name on it and that’s it!

Nov 112007
 

Following yesterday’s post about idiots who can’t tell phishing emails from real ones, this morning I received the following:

Date: Sun, 11 Nov 2007 14:17:34 +0100
From: “customer services” <customerservices79@gmail.com>
To: xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: Re: Gmail Account Warning!!! ( Verify Your Account now To Avoid It Closed)

G MAI L BETA

*             VERIFY YOUR FREE G MAI L ACCOUNT NOW !!!            *
*
Dear ****G ma il Account Owner,*
This message is from Gmail messaging center to all Gmail free account owners and premium account owners. We are currently upgrading our data base and e-mail account center. We are deleting all unused Gmail account to create more space for new accounts.

*To prevent your account from closing you will have to update it below so that we will know that it’s a present used account.*

*      CONFIRM YOUR IDENTITY BELOW

- Gma il! ID : ……….
- Password : ………..
- Date of Birth : ……
- Country or Territory : ………..

Enter the letter from the Security Image  :
……..                        859304
*
** **
** * * * ** Warning!!!   Account owner that refuses to update his or her account within Seven days of receiving this warning will lose his or her account permanently. *
**
***Thank you for using Gmail* *! *
*Warning Code:VX2G99AAJ*
Thanks,
The Gmail Team
G MAI L BETA

Here’s a little test for you.  Upon receiving this email, would you:  A) Immediately hit Reply and enter all requested account information, terrified that you’ll lose your Gmail account if you fail to respond, or B) Report the email as a phishing attempt using Gmail’s Report Spam or Report Phishing options, possibly even sending it to SpamCop?

If you chose A, you are a complete imbecile and should stop using the Internet immediately.  You will likely get your email account taken over by a criminal scumbag, and you’ll absolutely deserve it.  I mean, look at that email.  It looks like it was written by a child.  And anyone who asks you for sensitive account information via email is a THIEF.  Got it?  This goes for emails claiming to be from eBay, or your bank, or whatever requires an account ID and password.  You’re asking for trouble by responding, so wise up for fuck’s sake!  As entertaining as it can be at times, we’re getting tired of the media wasting time reporting on clueless people getting suckered in by such OBVIOUS scams.  Stop that!

Sigh.  Stupid people make me cranky.

Nov 102007
 

Oh, this is delicious.  An epidemic outbreak of a spamming worm has been wreaking havoc on idiot MySpace users who don’t know the risks of clicking on suspicious links from strangers.  The punishment?  Relentless spamming of their Friends network.  Ho-ho, that’s brilliant!  Here’s an example of one of the scam messages that these dumbass users are falling for:

Another one reads: “i’m just hittin you up, as a friend, to fill you in on this exclusive deal to get a FREE $500 Macy’s Gift Card, yes, FREE! just answer a question or two and BOOM you got a shopping spree lol!”

Members fall into the phishing net by clicking on a provided link in the posting, which in some cases comes in the form of what looks like a video featuring a scantily-clad young woman. After clicking on the link, the member is taken to a faux MySpace login page where the user is asked to re-enter his or her username and password. That information, however, is actually being sent to the “phisher,” a third party illegally acquiring the member’s personal information.

Obviously, only the clueless and gullible need apply.  These are truly stupid people.  Yes, stupid.  On most scams I can forgive some people for being misled or ignorant, because some scams are very cleverly disguised, but I feel zero sympathy for people who click suspicious links or open strange email attachments.  How many years now have we had big loud warnings about viruses, phishing, and other scams blasted in all forms of media?  Unless you live in a cave, it’s impossible to avoid.  The information is there, and if you’re going to enter the online world you need to pay attenion.  If you’re living in complete ignorance of this sort of thing nowadays, you deserve to get scammed.  You’ve earned it, and hopefully learned a lesson.  I think it’s hiLARious when these panicky reports come out about click-anything users being tormeted by their stupid behavior.  There’s simply no excuse for it these days, especially among the tech-savvy youngsters out there who live and breathe electronic communication.  So stop pretending to be an innocent victim and get a fucking clue, hmmm?

Oct 222007
 

I gotta admit, though, this one made me laugh.  But wait…aren’t they sluts because they’re not picky?  Now I’m confused…

from:  shoogy@icqmail.com
to:  Me
date:  Oct 22, 2007 3:19 PM
subject  RE:

Your penis looks pretty bad.  Try Penis Enlarge Patch for a better look.
[spamvertised URL snipped]

With Penis Enlarge Patch your size will be enough even for the pickiest slut.

Aug 032007
 

I haven’t done any quickies in a while, so here we go!

Don’t drop that soap!
Another mega-spammer goes down the toilet this week with a 30-year prison sentence.  And this guy didn’t just sell illegal drugs, most of them highly addictive–he also fled the U.S. with a fake passport and threatened to kill the child of a trial witness.  He totally looks the part, too, with his monolithic cro-mag forehead.  Good riddance, you criminal douchebag.  I hope your sex-starved new cellmate has crabs infected with gonorrhea.

Disney to end childrens’ suffering
Fascinating news:  Disney will officially stop making worthless, crapulent DVD sequels to its hit movies.  They’re working on “The Little Mermaid III” at the moment, and that’s the last of them.  Apparently Steve Jobs (Disney’s biggest shareholder) slammed them for being “embarrassing” and of very little quality, something that’s painfully obvious without watching a single one.  I’ve always sort of marveled at the growing number of idiotic sequels and the relentless marketing behind them.  (I even tried to put together a complete list once, but couldn’t stomach it.)  They simply have no shame, greedily raping their classic movies with sucky sequels.  But that’s Disney for ya…it betrays a stunning lack of creativity and talent, and it’s no wonder Pixar’s stuff is light years ahead.

Cleansing our sinful bits (and bytes)
Just when you thought that virtual worlds like Second Life were safe from the crazies, along come the Catholics. They’re planning to send missionaries into Second Life to preach and try to convert people. Seriously.  Saving virtual souls in a virtual world?  It’s virtually insane!  On the other hand, if we could get them to keep all their soul-saving confined to virtual worlds, we wouldn’t have to be bothered with it out here where normal people live.  Now there’s an idea…

You’re all dangerous terrorists
The moronic and phony “war on drugs” continues, with a federal official coming right out and calling pot farmers “dangerous terrorists.”  It’s simply laughable, but too many people take this shit seriously.  Personally I consider it terrorism to throw people in jail for smoking an herb while millions of alcoholics who get their drugs legally are actually destroying lives, but that’s just me…

Feb 052007
 
  • The Mayor of Moscow recently called Gay Pride parades “Satanic.” Hmmm, I’ve been to plenty of these things and never once noticed anything to do with Satan.  Well, some of the guys were dressed like drag-devils with horns, but that’s about it.
  • A story on Digg claims that frequent YouTube users atch less T.V. and skip more advertisements.  Considering the massive number of people who use YouTube religiously, I think that this may be the definitive sign that the public simply hates being bothered with ads.  You don’t have to be a “wired” person to hate ads, of course, but the YouTube/MySpace crowd is a huge market and I’m wondering what the marketing scumbags will do to reach them…
  • Holy fucking shit:  94% of all email in December was spam.  Is that even possible?  If so, isn’t it time to put out a bounty on these guys who control the botnets?  Seriously, I think someone should offer a cash reward for anyone who can nab one of these assholes and bring them to the authorities beaten to a bloody pulp.
  • ABC News asks the deeply probing question, “Are drug ads misleading?” Gee, what do you think?  I think they’re spending more money on flashy, misleading commercials than proving they’re actually safe to take.  And get a load of those ads for HIV medications:  muscular, ripped men in tight shirts (or no shirt at all) snowboarding thru the Himalayas.  Yeah, that’s realistic.
  • An old article about how the RIAA are the real music pirates has surfaced in Digg, and it’s a fascinating read.  Guess who wrote it?  Courtney Love.  It’s amazingly lucid and informative.  Pretty good for a crack whore.  (Sorry, couldn’t resist!)
  • Last week’s big “terrorism” scare in Boston has resulted in a couple of arrests and a $2 million fine for the marketing assholes involved.  I don’t know who I’m disgusted with more:  the ad agency or the doe-eyed Americans who are jumping at shadows and cowering with fear.  This kind of advertising is idiotic, but apparently it works.  These showed up in several other cities as well, and Boston seems to be the only city that thought it was under attack…  Have you seen the “terror hoax” (actual term used in the media) they’re talking about?  What kind of terrorist puts up homemade LED cartoons?  Jesus Christ monkeyballs, pull yourselves together!
Dec 202006
 

Guess what today’s theme is?  And yet I can totally see someone falling for this kind of moronic scam.  It happens all the time, sadly.

from: Rose Martins
date: Dec 20, 2006 1:35 AM
subject: Beloved In Christ

Greetings in name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I am Mrs Rose Martins Toyo,69 years old widow & a new Christian convert,suffering from long time cancer of the blood (Leukaemia According to my doctor my condition is critical and I might not survive.  Although as a christian,I beleive God and I know that I will not die,but will live to declare the glory of God.  My late husband (Dr.Martins Hugo Toyo )and my only son were killed during the (ABIDJAN- BOUAKE)b Crisis some years back(take a look)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/3993265.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/3995429.stm

Our Lord Jesus Christ is my only comforter.  I have the sum of Five million,One hundred thousand US Dollars($5.1m) The fund is presently deposited with a financial company for security reasons and all the documents concerning the fund are in the custody of my lawyer.  I inherited the money from my late husband who was an industralist and international businessman.

I have prayed concerning this donation for God’s guidance and if in your heart you geniunely and faithfully desire-to use this fund for the propagation of God’s work in any form whether for charity, ministry, evangelical work or otherwise in relation to God’swork, do get in -touch with me for further arrangements with my lawyer on how you will receive my Charity donation. God bless you once again and as you receive,give and give God all the Glory.

Remain blessed in the Lord
Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Rose Martins Toyo
DIVINE CALL

Nov 282006
 

It’s that time again!  According to the news, criminal gangs in control of zillions of zombie PCs are responsible for the massive surge in spam these past few months.  So I’ve updated my filters yet again, and they’re catching all kinds of new crap.   They’re not perfect but they’re keeping my Gmail inbox clean!  I’ve set Gmail to 1) forward to spam@uce.gov or SpamCop,
and 2) delete the bastards.  If you really want to do some good, get
yourself a SpamCop account and start sending reports to ISPs and
webhosts.

All of these are to be applied to the body of the email, and they’re ready to plug into the “Matches:” field in Gmail’s filters.  (The last one is for the “Subject:” field only.)  They they should also work with other email services, though you’ll probably have to insert them differently and remove the OR separators.  And, as always, review everything these filters catch to make sure they’re only catching spam!  They’re tailored to my own inbox, so there may be a few keywords in there that you’ll want to remove…but most of it is very spam-specific.  They’re also categorized now, to make things easier to track, and the newest additions are marked in orange.

Pills & Porn

PHzARzMA OR “sexually explicit” OR “RAP’E” OR “RA’PE” OR “R’APE” OR medircations OR rx OR Pen1s OR hormone OR “remov(ed” OR dr@g OR dr@gs OR “intimate life” OR “products for your health” OR “one portal” OR “V-iiaggrra” OR VIxAGxRA OR “Ci-iallis” OR “Ci-ialis” OR Cialis OR Cia1is OR Valium OR “Sof-tabs” OR “soft tabs” OR “Ph aramacy” OR “Pharam acy” OR XANNAX OR C1AALIS OR VAL1UUM OR ULTRAAM OR “\/1AGGRA” OR V1AGRA OR MER1D1A OR LEVITTRA OR pi11 OR “Ci@li$” OR spurm OR hoole OR orggies OR coock OR cocck OR teenn OR sllut OR Economize OR Econnomize OR VkAGRA OR PHArrwRMACY OR VIAGR* OR AMBIE* OR CIALI* OR XANA* OR RIVOTRI* OR LEVITR* OR CIPRO OR VALIU* OR Pr1ce OR AMBzzIEN OR VIAzzGRA OR VALzzIUM OR CIAzzLIS OR VALnnIUM OR VIAnnGRA

Stock Market Scams

“Short Term Target” OR “We called it!” OR “We called it yesterday” OR “Projected Price:” OR “moneyworx@” OR “We have brought you winner after winner”

Software Scams

“Windows XP Professional” OR “Office XP Professional” OR 0EM OR sblsoft OR “Microsoft Office Professional” OR “Opt-in Email Special Offer” OR s0ftware OR corel OR “instant download”

Spamvertised Webites

“www [dot]“ OR “www.00″ OR “allevinear.com” OR “in.geocities.com” OR “financial.com” OR “StockCharts.com” OR “investors.com” OR “finance.com” OR “voxcard.com” OR “uwriteme.info” OR “fixedhorn.com” OR “aliceinoemland.com” OR “moneyworx@” OR “lotenuo.com” OR “uol.com”

Misc. Crapola

cartaovirtual OR weblove OR cartão OR Rolex OR “Pre-approved” OR degr3e OR mortagge OR mortage OR morgage OR morage OR ratess OR PAfTEK OR CAfRTIER OR ROfLEX OR OMfEGA OR BRfEITLING OR BVfLGARI

Subject Lines

“Full of health? Then don’t click!” OR “We cure any desease!” OR “We cure any disease!” OR “found it here” OR “loan request” OR “Alguém lembrou de voce!” OR PHzARzMA OR “sexually explicit” OR “RAP’E” OR “RA’PE” OR “R’APE”

Nov 172006
 

Get a load of that subject line.  Not only is it coherent (usually a rare thing for spam) but it’s almost…philosophical.

from:  miki siki
to:  ******
date:  Nov 17, 2006 2:14 AM
subject:  A man with a small penis is like a butterfly without wings.

Get your wings with Advanced Gain Pro Penis Enlargement Pills.

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