Heart Attack Grill claims its first victim mid-burger

 General Blatherings, Unfuckingbelievable!
Feb 212012
 

Holy shit!  A burger restaurant named Heart Attack Grill–which advertises to our fattest, most disgusting and depressing citizens (even giving them free food if they weigh over 300 pounds)–has actually KILLED someone with its food.  Dead.  Right there in the fucking restaurant.  Is this awesome or what?  It’s like watching the American dream come to life right before our eyes!  And how appropriate that Fox News was there on the scene.

LAS VEGAS FOX5 -A man suffered a heart attack at a restaurant known for glorifying bad eating habits. The ‘Heart Attack Grill’ lived up to its name Saturday night.

Amateur video of the man being wheeled out of the restaurant by EMTs was posted to several websites.

“He was having the sweats and shaking,” said ‘Nurse’ Bridgett, who was working at the restaurant when the man in his 40s began experiencing chest pains.

“Doctor” Jon Basso, who opened the infamous restaurant in October, told FOX5 at first he thought it was a joke.

“One of the nurses came back to me and said, ‘Dr. Jon, we’ve got a patient who’s in trouble.’”

The restaurant is known for not holding back on the food it serves. The menu includes items like Flatliner Fries, and Bypass Burgers. A meal can easily exceed 8,000 calories.

The gentleman who suffered the heart attack was in the middle of eating a Triple Bypass burger when he began experiencing the symptoms.

via FOX5 Vegas

This here is the founder of Heart Attack Grill. He died in March, 2011 due to "the flu." Riiiight.

OK, OK…maybe it’s not “awesome” that some poor asshole died in this restaurant.  But to me the concept is, because that’s the restaurant’s whole marketing shtick.  ”C’mon in and die while y’all eat, hyuk-hyuk!  No, not really!  But maybe!”  It’s a horrifying and vastly depressing statement about what we’ve become as Americans.  Imagine:  some of us are so empty and unfulfilled that we eat ourselves to death.  We’re a grotesque, morbidly obese nation and this restaurant is the pinnacle of what a nation of desperate face-stuffers can accomplish.

Have a nice day! :)

Wedding at Starbucks: an American dream

 Unfuckingbelievable!
Dec 082011
 

How romantic!  *gag*  Talk about scraping the absolute bottom of the barrel in taste and dignity.  This is almost (but not quite) as bad as that puke-inducing wedding at a Waffle House.  I wonder if the bride threw a scalding-hot drink over her head for some unlucky bridesmaid to catch.  That would actually be pretty awesome.

You homophobes who think marriage is still “sacred” can stick this right in your latte hole!

In a scene that could be straight out of Best In Show, a couple whose romanced blossomed over cups of Starbucks’ pricey caffeine decided that the java joint was the perfect place to bind themselves together for eternity.

The dream wedding happened last night at a Starbucks in Tulsa, where the couple has become a bit of a fixture during their time together.

via The Consumerist.

Rob Delaney: Face Rapist

 Fun Stuff
Oct 282011
 

This little article by comedian Rob Delaney is easily the funniest thing I’ve seen all week!  Check him out on Twitter, too…he’s a hoot.

Sometimes I pretend my mouth is a tight wet pussy and a Big Mac or a scoop of Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch is a big hard throbbing cock that I’m just jamming in there like I’m my own face rapist. Except I like it. What I mean is, it’s disgusting and patently not OK what I’m doing, but it totally makes me come. God, Nature, etc. are like, “Noooo!” and I’m like, “Yeeesssss! Get in here! Get in my greedy mouth-pussy and just jizz gallons of tasty horror down into my guts till I explode under a highway on-ramp like a dead and bloated kidnapped college volleyball player who used to be sexy but then got hooked on junk and would do anything—ANYTHING—to get it, including the types of things that can get you murdered and dumped under a highway on-ramp.”

via VICE

Space billowings

 General Blatherings
Sep 072011
 

Awe-inspiring glimpse into the makings of the universe.  When you think in “geologic time”, the human race really is a flash in the pan, isn’t it?

When I first saw these never-before-seen time-lapse videos—captured over the course of 14 years by the Hubble Space Telescope—I just couldnt believe my eyes. Hubble photos can be beautiful, but these videos just left me speechless.

The videos show stellar jets firing at 440,000 miles 770,000 kilometers an hour. Stellar jets are a product of the creation of stars, something that happened to our very own Sun about 4.5 billion years ago.

via Gizmodo

SEVENHUNDREDCATSOMG700CATS

 Unfuckingbelievable!
Aug 312011
 

Holy fuckin’ shitballs, folks!  700 cats.  SEVEN HUNDRED!  That’s how many they found in a house in Flordia.  700 goddamn cats.

Now, this site is no stranger to cat hoarding.  Well, that is…I’ve been posting stories about cat hoarding for a few years:  once in 2003 (171 cats), again in 2004 (200 cats), yet again in 2005 (300+ cats), and the last one in 2006 (168 cats).  So it’s been a while.  But SEVEN HUNDRED FUCKING CATS?  Are these psychotic monsters hoarding more nowadays or what?

Police raided Floridas Haven Acres Cat Sanctuary population: 692 fewer cats than they had before, and in doing so uncovered “the biggest case of cat hoarding the Humane Society of the United States has ever participated in.” The proprietors of said kitty slum, Pennie and Steven Lefkowitz, are each facing 47 counts of animal cruelty, which includes one for a neglected rooster. All charges are third-degree felonies.

via Gawker

Weekend Nazi

 Idiots & Assholes (Politics), Unfuckingbelievable!
Oct 132010
 

Ohhhh dear.  Is that what we can expect from the Tea Party?  And here I was starting to think they had become boring.  Yeah, suuuure it’s just WWII reenactments and cosplay.  Nice.

An election year already notable for its menagerie of extreme and unusual candidates can add another one:  Rich Iott, the Republican nominee for Congress from Ohio’s 9th District, and a Tea Party favorite, who for years donned a German Waffen SS uniform and participated in Nazi re-enactments.

Iott, whose district lies in Northwest Ohio, was involved with a group that calls itself Wiking, whose members are devoted to re-enacting the exploits of an actual Nazi division, the 5th SS Panzer Division Wiking, which fought mainly on the Eastern Front during World War II. Iott’s participation in the Wiking group is not mentioned on his campaign’s website, and his name and photographs were removed from the Wiking website.

When contacted by The Atlantic, Iott confirmed his involvement with the group over a number of years, but said his interest in Nazi Germany was historical and he does not subscribe to the tenets of Nazism. “No, absolutely not,” he said. “In fact, there’s a disclaimer on the [Wiking] website. And you’ll find that on almost any reenactment website. It’s purely historical interest in World War II.”

via The Atlantic

Yes, of course I know this doesn’t make him a Nazi.  I’m just jabbin’ ya, Rich!  But still…why in the world would you do this while trying to survive in the worlds of politics?  Especially when running as a Tea Party Republican type?  What a fuckin’ loon!

Sweet, delicious eye goo!

 Marketing Scumbags, Unfuckingbelievable!
Oct 052010
 

What the fuckity-fuck??  This is revolting!  I hardly ever buy candy in the first place, but why would I buy that candy now?  (On the other hand, the ad definitely works for memory retention…)

Here’s the latest oddball candy advertising—a 90-second Fruit Gushers video from Saatchi & Saatchi (supposedly Gerry Graf’s last piece of work for the agency) that tells the tall tale of Todd, a kid born with a squirting blue Fruit Gusher for an eye.

via AdFreak

This ministry specializes in PROBING.

 Holy Shit! (Religion), Unfuckingbelievable!
Sep 262010
 

While poking around on the Christian search engine SeekFind for cheap kicks, I ran across a site for Probe Ministries.  That’s right:  PROBE.  Say, isn’t excessive probing what gets those priests and pastors in so much trouble with the law?  And look at the logo!  Is that supposed to be a sexual joke or am I just a filthy-minded mongrel?  I simply can’t believe this.

(Wait… Yes I can.)

Couple whores out baby’s middle name to highest corporate bidder

 Unfuckingbelievable!
Sep 162010
 

Well this certainly sounds familiar.  In 2001 I spouted off about a couple who wanted to let companies pay them to name their kid after well-known brand names, like Pepsi or Chevron.  I can just imagine overhearing some proud mom say, “Oh yes, little Tampax is starting kindergarten this year!”  And looky here, it’s happening again!  Desperate times, indeed.

BABY NAMING RIGHTS FOR SALE – $750000 (Venice)
——————————————————————————–
Date: 2010-09-11, 7:04PM PDT
Reply to: sale-xtapf-1949287713@craigslist.org
——————————————————————————–
We are expecting our first baby and we are offering middle name only to any corporate sponsors. Your product will be presented to thousands of potential customers every month as our baby grows and is signed up for scouts, called on in classrooms, and mentioned in pediatrician offices. We’re having a girl but product name needn’t be feminine. Our list of hopefuls includes SONY, SAAB, Jet Blue, Converse, Hot Pocket, Gibson, and Ludwig (we’re musicians). 5-year renewable contract. $750,000. We’ll throw in a tattoo of your company’s logo for a million.

Here’s a snapshot of the actual posting on Craigslist, which is sure to be pulled soon:

via Boing Boing

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