George Carlin: Posthumous Mormon

 Bullshit Detector, Holy Shit! (Religion), Unfuckingbelievable!
Jun 202011
 

What a total crock.  Mormons baptising people after death is nothing new, but this is one I take as a personal insult.  Not that I think these post-death baptisms have any actual relgious effect whatsoever, because it’s all bullshit, but it’s the principle that gets my goat.  Leave the memory of these people the fuck alone!

If you don’t know it, the Mormon Church has a curious habit tradition? doctrine? what would it be called? of baptizing dead people as Mormons posthumously. This is the subject of a blog called Famous Dead Mormons tag line = “Saved After Death, whether willing or not.”. Apparently baptizing famous people became a bit of a “fad” in the 1990s Think of it, perhaps, as a Mormon “prank.”

Believe if or not, infamously outspoken hater of religion George Carlin is now, that’s right, a Mormon in the afterlife. I’m sure this will be news to him. Can you imagine his reaction to this???

via Dangerous Minds

Red States: Dirty, Dirty, Dirty!

 Fun Stuff, Holy Shit! (Religion)
Mar 122009
 

Does it really surprise anyone that the people who preach so much against sex and “perversion” like homosexuality–mostly those repressed Bible-thumpin’ conservative nutjobs–consume most of America’s porn?  Ohhh yes, this just confirms what everyone always suspected:  these assholes are just as horny and in need of sexual relief as the rest of us.  It sorta brings a whole new meaning to the term “whackjob”, doesn’t it?  I’m all for porn, don’t get me wrong…I just think it’s hilarious for them to pretend to be so pure and chaste when we all know they aren’t.  And guess which state snarfs up the most dirty material!

*drum roll*

Utah.  That’s right, the same evil fuckers who continue to funnel millions of church money into campaigns trying to torpedo anything having to do with equal rights for the gay homosexuals.  The same evil fuckers who actually have special underwear to prevent their horny teens from touching themselves when they’re alone in bed.  The same evil fuckers who think a woman’s place is either in the kitchen or in bed pumping out another kid.  These people aren’t fooling anyone…they have the same urges as the rest of us.  Shit, I’ve known ex-Mormons who, as teenagers, routinely hid the salami with their church leaders.  You sick bastards!  And God sees it all.  He knows what dirty magazines you read, what slutty websites you visit, and how much you charge old men to view your webcam.  He even watches you wax the carrot when you think nobody’s around…and he’s disgusted.  And, frankly, so am I.  The thought of some of these repressed churchy types fapping frantically to pictures of skanky chicks or douchey dudes makes me physically ill.

Oh, how I wish we could reveal the names on some of these porn mailing lists.  Wouldn’t that be such delicious fun?  Then we could actually plot them on a map as examples of their flawed, failed, Dark Ages ideology.  What a Google Maps mashup that would be….

Temple of Doom

 Heterosexually Challenged, Holy Shit! (Religion), Idiots & Assholes (Politics)
Nov 132008
 
Wow, Utah is really feeling the heat with this California Prop 8 business.  The Mormons campaigned relentlessly to get it passed, funneling money into their efforts from Utah and elsewhere, even going so far as to pressure Mormon-owned businesses to donate to the cause (is that even legal?).  Now they’re facing a boycott of the entire state along with protests in front of Mormon churches.

“While those who disagree with our position on Proposition 8 have the right to make their feelings known, it is wrong to target the Church and its sacred places of worship for being part of the democratic process,” Farah said.

Oh, so suddenly YOU don’t like being singled out and targeted for your beliefs and way of life, hmmm?  Doesn’t feel good, does it?  Cry me a river.  We’ll leave your churches and temples and compounds alone when you get your evil tentacles the hell out of our bedrooms and voting booths.  YOU DON’T BELONG THERE.

The church had said in a statement after Tuesday’s vote that “no one on any side of the question should be vilified, intimidated, harassed or subject to erroneous information.”

What?  After all those LIES you spewed into the California media claiming that “public schools will be forced to teach gay marriage” (and other nonsense) unless Prop 8 is passed?  Oh, that’s rich!  Fuck you, Farah.  Fuck you right in the ear.

Some are claiming that it’s wrong to target the entire state of Utah, because not everyone there is Mormon.  They’re also saying that “innocent bystanders” will be financially hurt by the loss of tourism and the Sundance Film Festival.  Yeah, well that’s tough.  You non-Mormons need to be out there protesting as well, because they just fucked your state out of millions of potential tourist dollars.  This is what happens when religion meddles with affairs of the state, folks.  And it wasn’t even their state!
If you religious types want to play in the world of politics, you’d better be ready to deal with the consequences.  Personally, I say TAX these churches (all of them) and their real estate and put that money towards our national debt.
And if you’re curious as to exactly who donated money to help get this passed, there’s a complete list online for your reading and boycotting pleasure.