Organically-grown jerkoffs

 General Blatherings
Jun 122012
 

This guy definitely eats organically-grown, sustainable lentil stew several times a week. And that makes him A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU.

I really, really can’t stand food snobbery, especially from self-righteous “foodies” who obsess over the organicness and sustainability of every goddamn thing they eat.  Yeah, it’s good to avoid eating too many pesticide-laden food.  It’s also good to consider the big picture and how our ever-demanding diets affect animals and the environment.  HOWEVER, being concerned about these things is no reason to be a self-congratulating prick about it.

The organic movement is largely driven by marketing and the bullshit associated with that, but the smugness that comes with it is what gets my goat the most.  It’s turned a lot of ordinary shoppers into snobs, much like the Prius cars with their smug drivers. Some people just want to eat healther food, which is great, but others want you to know they’re eating it and what a caring, world-conscious person they are for it. *snort*

Personally I will buy organic versions of certain veggies that tend to harbor high levels of pesticides (such as celery and cucumbers), but that’s pretty much where it ends.

“I stopped at a market to get a fruit platter for a movie night with friends but I couldn’t find one so I asked the produce guy,” says the 40-year-old arts administrator from Seattle. “And he was like, ‘If you want fruit platters, go to Safeway. We’re organic.’ I finally bought a small cake and some strawberries and then at the check stand, the guy was like ‘You didn’t bring your own bag? I need to charge you if you didn’t bring your own bag.’ It was like a ‘Portlandia skit.’ They were so snotty and arrogant.”

As it turns out, new research has determined that a judgmental attitude may just go hand in hand with exposure to organic foods. In fact, a new study published this week in the journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science, has found that organic food may just make people act a bit like jerks.

“There’s a line of research showing that when people can pat themselves on the back for their moral behavior, they can become self-righteous,” says author Kendall Eskine, assistant professor of the department of psychological sciences at Loyola University in New Orleans. “I’ve noticed a lot of organic foods are marketed with moral terminology, like Honest Tea, and wondered if you exposed people to organic food, if it would make them pat themselves on the back for their moral and environmental choices. I wondered if they would be more altruistic or not.”

via TODAY Health

Theaters to punish those who don’t like 3-D

 Movies, Unfuckingbelievable!
Mar 242012
 

Christ.  If there’s anything that will make me stop going to the movies forever, it’s paying a higher price to not see a movie in 3-D.  I avoid watching new movies in 3-D whenever I can–I think it’s an expensive, gimmicky way to get people into theaters and it has very little payoff in terms of making it a more exciting experience (“Avatar” was a rare exception, though I still didn’t find it as mind-blowing as some did).

So, in a nutshell…  Fuck.  That.  Shit.

Writing for Screen Trade Magazine Joe Paletta, CEO of Spotlight Theaters, announces that cinemas will begin to eliminate the premium charges on 3D movies and raise the prices of 2D movies to make up the difference. This gives me the rage. 3D movies give me a headache and eye-strain, and I actively avoid them. I hate the idea that Id be charged a premium on the few 2D movies I can find in order to subsidize 3D screenings.

via Boing Boing

Artisan: the latest marketing bullshit buzz-word

 Marketing Scumbags
Nov 022011
 

Over the past couple of years I’ve noticed a new trend that the marketing people are using to sell food:  slapping the label “artisan” on it.  The word conjures up images of smiling, plump folks in aprons (probably in an old-timey house in the countryside) sculpting each piece of food meticulously by hand, carefully inspecting each one before laying it gently in the package for your consumption.  In reality, 99% of this stuff comes from a giant factory like anything else–the word “artisan” is yet another marketing bullshit word used to con you into thinking you’re getting something really, really special.  Some stuff made by small local companies might qualify as being made by actual “food artisans” (cheese and tofu come to mind), but now that Starbucks has begun using that term, all bets are off!

For some reason I haven’t gotten around to posting about this, but the other day I ran across a post on Gawker about it:

There you have it, America: you (we) are all so dumb that all it takes is one clearly false adjective to convince us to mindlessly open our wallets and pay for the privilege of shoveling the same lab-created chemical pseudofood concoction as always down our gullets.

The Gawker post references a USA Today story on the subject, so I had to go read that as well!

Marketers know that consumers buy into this artisan imagery. More than 800 new food products have christened themselves artisan something-or-other in the past five years, reports researcher Datamonitor. While fewer than 80 new foods dubbed themselves artisan just four years ago, the number more than doubled to nearly 200 in 2010.

“The word artisan suggests that the product is less likely to be mass-produced,” says Tom Vierhile, innovation insights director at Datamonitor. “It also suggests the product may be less processed and perhaps better tasting and maybe even be better for you.”

After reading these, I knew it was time to post about it and share a few photos I took (starting last year) when I began noticing this stupid trend.  But before that, I have to share with you a blog I discovered while writing this post:  it’s called That Is Not Artisan.  This woman is my new hero–she goes after the marketing mis-use of this term with a vengeance!

OK, now for a few photos of my own… I know I’ve taken more, but I’ll have to do some digging.  The above blog should pretty much cover all the artisan-ness you need, though.

I snapped this one just the other day. Not only is this made by artisans, but it's made with ANCIENT GRAINS! What the hell does that even mean?

Ohhh, artisan stuffing! And what's with that logo? Looks like it was scrawled by someone's two-year-old.

Which part is artisan: the cheese or the cracker? We'll never know!

I think this was the first "artisan" product I saw at the grocery store. You know it's bad when I gotta have a picture of it...

 

Disney finds the vagina extremely profitable

 Marketing Scumbags, Unfuckingbelievable!
Feb 082011
 

This is fucking disgusting, but it works:  if you can get children to recognize a brand and its characters early on, you’ll have customers for life.   And that’s all they really are–they’re not fans, they’re customers.  McDonald’s knows this (Happy Meals, anyone?) and other companies do it too, but now Disney’s taking it a step further.   Lovely.

“Apparel is only a beachhead,” said Andy Mooney, chairman of Disney Consumer Products, about the opportunity to crack the estimated $36 billion/year baby product market in North America with everything from bath items to baby food to free theme park tickets for pregnant moms who sign up for e-mail alerts.

“To get that mom thinking about her familys first park experience before her baby is even born is a home run,” said Mooney, adding that a large number of families do not become consumers of Disney products until their children reach preschool age.

via The Consumerist

All your school are belong to us

 Marketing Scumbags
Oct 232010
 

How utterly, utterly depressing.  I wonder what this teaches kids when everything they see is a goddamn advertisement.  Will they grow up as mega-consumers, even worse than we are now?  Will they grow up believing that advertising is the only way schools are able to educate them?  Will they grow up with a programmed sense of loyalty to these corporations since they saw their ads every day at school?  Or perhaps they’ll become numb to it and cause it to lose its effectiveness.  Let’s watch!

When a school district in Minnesota decided to turn lockers into ad inventory, it didnt skimp on the creative palette. The Star Tribune in Minneapolis reports that some area schools are giving lockers over to an outfit called School Media. Now, students will put their lunches in lockers covered with a garish pink decal advertising the aquarium at the Mall of America.

via AdFreak

And here I thought that putting ads on notes to parents was bloody disgusting.  That’s just the tip of the iceberg!

Sweet, delicious eye goo!

 Marketing Scumbags, Unfuckingbelievable!
Oct 052010
 

What the fuckity-fuck??  This is revolting!  I hardly ever buy candy in the first place, but why would I buy that candy now?  (On the other hand, the ad definitely works for memory retention…)

Here’s the latest oddball candy advertising—a 90-second Fruit Gushers video from Saatchi & Saatchi (supposedly Gerry Graf’s last piece of work for the agency) that tells the tall tale of Todd, a kid born with a squirting blue Fruit Gusher for an eye.

via AdFreak

Spelling error causes pubic outcry

 Fun Stuff
Sep 212010
 

God, I love epic spelling errors.  And to think this sign passed through four different people at the sign company and nobody noticed the missing letter!

SOUTH BEND — If you ever wondered how much difference just one letter can make when it comes to a message, ask the thousands of people who drove by a digital billboard near the intersection of Ironwood and State Road 23 between Thursday and Monday morning.

The ad urged people to go to the “southbendon.com” website for a look at the “15 best things about our pubic schools.”   Thats right, the billboard said “pubic” instead of “public” schools.   The letter “L” had been left out of the word public.

Lee MacMillan of South Bend said his wife spotted the error on Saturday while sitting in traffic. “  She got home and said, ‘I cant believe it said what I think it said,’” MacMillan recalls.”  So we were out driving around yesterday and sure enough, it had that typo in it.  So we took a picture and the rest is history, as they say,” MacMillan adds.

via South Bend Tribune

This reminds me of a funny thing that happened during my high school days.  A local supermarket called Public Market lost its “L”, and being the juvenile-minded person I was (am), I ran home and got my camera as soon as I saw it.  Thus, I have the only existing photo of the Pubic Market of Winslow, AZ!  (It’s black-and-white because I was taking some photos for the yearbook and that’s the kind of film we used.)

Couple whores out baby’s middle name to highest corporate bidder

 Unfuckingbelievable!
Sep 162010
 

Well this certainly sounds familiar.  In 2001 I spouted off about a couple who wanted to let companies pay them to name their kid after well-known brand names, like Pepsi or Chevron.  I can just imagine overhearing some proud mom say, “Oh yes, little Tampax is starting kindergarten this year!”  And looky here, it’s happening again!  Desperate times, indeed.

BABY NAMING RIGHTS FOR SALE – $750000 (Venice)
——————————————————————————–
Date: 2010-09-11, 7:04PM PDT
Reply to: sale-xtapf-1949287713@craigslist.org
——————————————————————————–
We are expecting our first baby and we are offering middle name only to any corporate sponsors. Your product will be presented to thousands of potential customers every month as our baby grows and is signed up for scouts, called on in classrooms, and mentioned in pediatrician offices. We’re having a girl but product name needn’t be feminine. Our list of hopefuls includes SONY, SAAB, Jet Blue, Converse, Hot Pocket, Gibson, and Ludwig (we’re musicians). 5-year renewable contract. $750,000. We’ll throw in a tattoo of your company’s logo for a million.

Here’s a snapshot of the actual posting on Craigslist, which is sure to be pulled soon:

via Boing Boing

Enough with the forehead-L thing already!

 Fun Stuff
Sep 072010
 

Can I just say that it really, really irritates the living shit out of me when people make that “L” sign on their forehead?  You know, like they’re saying “I/you are a loser!  Get it?”  Yeah, like they do for that annoying show “Glee”, where the pretty teens with beautiful singing voices have so many angsty teen problems because they’re supposed to be so ugly and awkward, but because American T.V. writers have a hard time casting actual ugly people they’ve cast pretty teens with beautiful singing voices…

But I digress.  When I see that logo I simply want to scream.  The “L” forehead thing has been overdone since 1994 when Jim Carrey first did it, people–it’s time to move on, goddammit!

Here, let me fix that for ya…

There!  Much better!

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