You whiny SUV owners can suck it.

 General Blatherings
May 082008
 

SUVs and their self-righteous owners really bring out my inner bitch, so this headline totally made my day: Frustrated Massachusetts drivers try to sell their gas-guzzlers.  Yes!  Every time I see some douchebag speeding down the road in an absurdly humongous SUV or other monstrosity, I’m irritated.  Every time I see one of them parked in a Compact parking spot, or (more often) taking up more than one space, I’m peeved.  But then I smile to myself, because I know that that the combination of low mileage and high gas prices leaves these SUV owners bleeding from the asshole after every visit to a gas station.

And you just know they’re all bitching about how expensive gas is nowadays.  I sort of imagine them having this exaggerated dumbass SUV-driver voice:  “Ah’m an Amurican ‘n’ ah have the raht ta drahve whutevah ah wahnt, goddammit!  Dontchoo tell ME ta save mah moneh, ya freedom-hatin faggit!  We gotta bomb dem Arabs agin ta get dem prahces down!”  And so he drives off, his bumper plastered with pro-war stickers and Support Our Troops magnets, another pair of pants stained.  This guy practically needs a transfusion after the bleeding he’s been doing:

After paying $75 to fill his black Dodge Ram pickup truck for the third time in a week, Douglas Chrystall couldn’t take it anymore.

Holy fuckin’ shitballs!  $75 at the pump, three times a week?  Good!  I love it.  This is what such arrogance and pointless excess buys you, folks.  I’ve been waiting for the SUV bubble to burst for the past couple of years, and if this story reflects a larger trend around the rest of the country, things are only going to get more interesting.  Imagine:  people are trying to sell their monstrosities but are having trouble getting rid of them, SUV dealers are seeing a sharp drop in sales, and people are getting sick of paying such a high price for a status symbol.  Yessir, things are definitely lookin’ up!

On the geek front…

 Geek Streak
Feb 202008
 

Oh dear, only a couple of days after Microsoft released its first Service Pack for Windows Vista, they’re pulling it due to problems it’s creating for users.  SP1 was supposed to fix stuff and make things better, not fuck them up for the poor suckers who are stuck with Vista.  Microsoft just can’t seem to get this OS thing right lately, hmmm?  Oh well.  I have little sympathy…this could be yet another nail in the MS near-monopoly, though they’ll keep trying till the bitter end even as people get fed up and start looking at other options.

Speaking of which, one of the programs I would have to have if I ever left Windows is Photoshop.  Apparently CS2 is working now (via the wonderful Wine), but what about those with CS3?  Well, today I read–be still, my loins!–that Google is giving the Wine folks funding to make that happen.  How interesting.  Google is, of course, a giant in the free software arena, and seeing them get involved in Linux ports of other companies’ software can only be a good thing.  They used Wine to port their own Picasa software and it worked beautifully, so why not?

Photoshop wouldn’t be free, of course, and nobody should expect it to be.  But this would be an option for people who don’t wanna screw around with virtualization/parallel stuff.  It would also be one more step away from the increasingly stinky Windows world that some could take.

What Would Jesus Type?

 Fun Stuff
Feb 202008
 

Randy sent me something I know y’all will enjoy playing with: The Church Sign Generator.  Just pick a sign style, type in whatever smarmy message you want, and watch in amazement as it magically appears on a church sign!  It’s literally minutes of fun!

Here’s one I did just now.  I think it’s a question everyone oughta ask themselves in church, what do you think?

Stampede!

 Fun Stuff
Nov 052007
 

From the Seattlest Blog comes some sports news that’s actually worth reporting.   It sorta reminds me of all those fake video clips online of people getting hit by trains, except this time the victim is a local cheerleader and the train is a rush of oncoming football players.  Am I a total bastard for admitting that I just about shot coffee out my nose when I saw this?

Stupid spam of the day

 Geek Streak
Oct 222007
 

I gotta admit, though, this one made me laugh.  But wait…aren’t they sluts because they’re not picky?  Now I’m confused…

from:  shoogy@icqmail.com
to:  Me
date:  Oct 22, 2007 3:19 PM
subject  RE:

Your penis looks pretty bad.  Try Penis Enlarge Patch for a better look.
[spamvertised URL snipped]

With Penis Enlarge Patch your size will be enough even for the pickiest slut.

Philly to Boy Scouts: “Pay up, bitch”

 General Blatherings, Heterosexually Challenged
Oct 212007
 

Looks like Philadelphia’s had it with those silly ol’ Boy Scouts.  Up until now the Scouts have paid the completely meaningless fee of $1/year to rent its Philly headquarters building, but since the Scouts still insist on a policy discrimination for membership (no gays or atheists–they’re agents of Satan), the city has told them the building will cost them $200,000/year.  You know, the same amount anyone else would have to pay.  Wow…Philly is nearly 3,000 miles away from Seattle, and I still heard this slap!

Of course the outcry was immediate:  “You uncaring bastards, you’re depriving kids of an opportunity to be Scouts and do Scouty things!”  Oh, boo-hoo…the Scouts are already depriving kids of those opportunities, aren’t they?  The building is city-owned, after all, so the city can charge whatever it wants.  The Scouts is a private organization…let these people find privately-owned buildings to house their stupid headquarters.  They can legally ban whoever they want from membership, but that doesn’t mean they get a free ride with taxpayer money.  Fuck that.

Oh, and what’s with this Cradle of Liberty Council?  Could they have picked a more pretentious name?  I guess their cradle of liberty only has room for certain people.  Fuck that, too.

Oh look, another naked priest!

 General Blatherings
Aug 092007
 

A certain Colorado priest likes to go jogging naked at a local high school track during the wee hours of the morning.  He was recently busted by a cop who spotted him, and now he’s facing charges of indecent exposure.  He says he doesn’t like sweating, so he prefers to strip down for his runs and let his little bishop go flippity-floppity all over the place.  Now, I know what you’re thinking: just another day in the life of a Catholic priest, right?  But the most outrageous part of the story is that if he’s convicted of indecent exposure, he’ll be registered as a sex offender.  Say what?  Far be it for me to defend a priest, especially those naked ones, but he wasn’t seen by anyone but a cop, and I’m sure the cop wasn’t deeply scarred by the incident.  This guy may have had an extreme solution to his sweat problem, but he didn’t cause any harm or trauma whatsoever to anyone!  It’s a victimless crime, for fuck’s sake…make him jog in his Virgin Mary Underoos or whatever, but this “sex offender” stuff is a bit much.

Two down…

 General Blatherings
Jun 042007
 

Matt sent in a great little rant by a SF Gate columnist which relishes in two bits of news:   Falwell’s dead and so is the Hummer.   It’s a nifty little piece which ties the two items together, as both are bloated mutations of things that were bad to begin with.  I didn’t know that sales for the H2 had dropped so dramatically, but after a little Googling I see a lot of people predicting its demise.  Of course, it’s only to make way for the H3 and H4, which means there are still a lot of guys out there with growing bald spots and itty-bitty cocktail sausages between their legs…

Prepare for increased road rage

 General Blatherings
May 142007
 

The EPA is finally confirming what a lot of people have suspected: those hybrid cars aren’t getting the phenomenal mileage the advertisements and car dealerships claim, and they’ve had to revamp their mileage figures accordingly.  Apparently their mileage is a little better than average, but that’s about it.  It’s simply another case of consumers being bilked into paying more for something that claims to save the planet but clearly isn’t doing so. Then again, if it sounds too good to be true…

Oh, it’s gonna be fun to read about the reactions from hybrid owners on this one!  You’ve seen how a movie vampire reacts to seeing a crucifix, right?  He sneers, snarls, and quickly turns his face away because it burns his very soul… Now picture the smug owner of a Toyota Prius being presented with these new, less-than-stellar mileage figures.  The reaction is much the same:  “HISSSSS! AARRGGHHHHH, IT BURRRRNNNNSSS!!!” And away he drives into the night.

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