Douchebags of Grindr…revisited

 Fun Stuff
Jul 192011
 

Over a year ago I posted about my new photo gallery of Grindr douchebags, and I haven’t really updated it since.  Today I get word that someone’s created a website that pretty much copies the idea, appropriately called douchebagsofgrindr.com.  If I’d had the time and energy (and the will) to devote to a website just for this, I shoulda done it when I had the chance!

Oh well, better that someone else carries on this important work!  He seems to be targeting a different kind of douche than I was, anyway.  I was picking out the popped-collar, pursed-lips kinda morons…  But the d-bags on his site are pretty goddamn disgusting, I gotta tell ya.

Douchey nicknames for the Vegas Strip

 Fun Stuff
Sep 082010
 

A couple of years ago we decided never to stay on the Strip in Las Vegas again. There are several reasons for this, one of being that the place is completely overrun with douchebags wearing their douchey outfits acting like Grade-A douchebags. It’s simply America’s most popular douchebag destination and we can only take so much douche in one weekend. (Since then we’ve been staying off the Strip on Fremont St., where the douche levels are much lower.) So during our last stay in that hellhole, I started coming up with nicknames for the Vegas Strip. That eventually led to potential douchey restaurants, which I think are even funnier. :)

Nicknames for the Vegas Strip

  • Doucheville
  • Doucheopolis
  • Douchetopia
  • Doucheberg
  • Doucherdorff
  • Doucheistan
  • The Doucheiverse

Restaurants
(Or possible a.k.a. names for Hooters and Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar and crap like that)

  • The Douchery
  • Chez Douche
  • Douchigan’s
  • Paddy O’Douche’s
  • Douchey McDoucherson’s
  • Le Doosh
  • Multidouchicity
  • Douche Towers
  • The Doucheplex
  • Douche-O-Rama
  • Cirque du Douche
  • The Douche Barn

Bonus!
(Simply because “Chase” and “Cameron” are two of the Douchey Names of the Apocalypse)

  • Crazy Chase’s Douche Emporium
  • Cameron’s House of Tacos ‘n’ Twats

Wisconsin douchebags burn Obama in effigy (white hoods optional)

 Idiots & Assholes (Politics)
May 222010
 

Wow, these guys must, like, totally feel empowered and stuff.  So awesome, I mean, like, burning things that look like people really, you know, sends a strong, like, message and stuff.  You know?

Christ, what unmitigated twatocity.  But reverse the colors (black guys burning an effigy of a white President) and you’d have the building surrounded by police and the A.T.F. would be gearing up to storm the place and burn it to the ground.

As country music played and a pack of Marlboro menthols sat idly by, some bar patrons at a local watering hole in West Allis, WI burned an effigy of Barack Obama and cheered.  Wisely, they took video.  Here it is.

via gawker.com

The Douchebags of Grindr

 Fun Stuff, Heterosexually Challenged
Apr 242010
 

I’m endlessly entertained by Grindr, an iPhone app for gay guys.  It’s meant to help guys hook up (or “make new friends”, wink-wink) but I just get on there for shits & giggles because it’s really a douchebag goldmine.  It cracks me up to see some of these guys puffing themselves up to look as cool/hot/alluring/sexay as possible.  Of course some guys are really into that, but I just find it hilarious.  So here are some of the best ones I’ve seen around Seattle and Las Vegas (with a couple of doozies from Phoenix).

So visit the Douchebag Gallery if you dare!  New ones will be added as they are discovered…

Microsoft wants to be the hipsterdouche’s best friend

 Geek Streak, Marketing Scumbags
Apr 142010
 

I’m so over this obsession with the trendy hipster subculture that all marketing departments for tech companies seem to have.  Are douchey, hoodie-wearing guys with scraggly beards and morose girls with black-rimmed glasses the only people who might want to buy one of their products?

Not to mention that, as the article points out, Microsoft targeted hipsters with their first Zune advertising which was later blamed for its shitty sales.  Interestingly enough, Apple has been targeting these people with their marketing for years and it’s worked like a charm, judging by all the sullen hipsters seen with MacBooks in coffeeshops all over the country.  Maybe this population isn’t ready for market segmentation quite yet…

If there’s one word that comes to mind when you see Microsoft’s Kin marketing materials—the flashy new website, the swish tubular packaging, typography-heavy imagery, or the images, events and information loaded up on their demo devices—it’s hipster. The citizens of Kin live in Vice Magazine advertorial spreads, and look like they just walked, self-consciously, out of an Urban Outfitters. Kin’s models look like caricatures of those kids, from that neighborhood, in pretty much any city, as drawn by marketing executives.

Microsoft wants Kin to be cool. And to the extent that blunt HERE’S WHO THIS IS FOR marketing can make something cool, they might be able to pull it off. And I get that Microsoft is segmenting their phones, catering Windows Phone 7 to an older audience and the social network-centric Kin to the 16-to-25s, (Wilson’s sterling analysis here), but it’s turning out so much more narrow than that: Kin aims for a type of “cool” which hinges entirely on touchstones of a bizarrely specific subculture.

via gizmodo.com

Is waterboarding torture? Ask Mancow, the girly-man

 Idiots & Assholes (Politics)
May 272009
 

“Mancow”, one of the many loudmouthed douchebags of radio, has been demanding that waterboarding isn’t torture…so he volunteered to try it himself.  How long did he last?  Well, let’s just say it was far less than your average torture victim.  So I guess he’s both full of shit AND a wuss.

Heh…I love it when über-macho types embarrass themselves. Now, if only we could get all these right-wing media twats to try it, we’d be in business!

The most douchey email you’ve read ALL YEAR (so far)

 General Blatherings
Apr 302009
 

I just HAVE to share this, it’s simply too horrifying not to.  Grab a barf bag and prepare yourself.

A friend of mine has been seeing a guy who has used her, dumped her, taken her back, strung her along some more, and finally decided to dump her again and move away.  But he still says he loves her and wants her to come visit, of course.  Typical.  Anyway he sent her this email the other day, it’s simply a masterpiece of douchebaggery.  And the best part is yet to come…

Shel,

If you’re anything like me you never check your work email so this will either never see the light of day or be a random piece of me fluttering in from nowhere. I hope that’s okay. I miss you you! I could use you down here. You could appreciate my sadness among all this beauty and freedom. Your the only one who understands me. I know we’re crush buddies, but on a deeper level we’re… tear twins I guess you could call it. Not many people would understand our sadness for sadness sake. don’t forget about me unless you need to. Remember the promise I made.

Big love,
Ethan

Crush buddies?  TEAR TWINS??  Is this guy kidding?  What does “don’t forget about me unless you need to” actually mean?  And doesn’t that ”big love” thing just make you want to puke your guts out?  He probably thinks, “Yeah…she’s a chick, she’ll totally dig this. Chicks love that sensitive stuff.”  But wait, here’s the best part:  HER NAME ISN’T SHELLY.  It’s not even close.  He obviously copied & pasted this peepeecaca from an email he sent when dumping a previous girlfriend!

What. A. Twat.

This guy deserves a medal or a trophy or something.  Perhaps a gold-plated turd would be in order.

MTV: No douchebag left behind

 Unfuckingbelievable!
Dec 242008
 

Remember when MTV actually had something to do with music?  I have fond teenage memories of gazing in wonder at the wall-to-wall music videos when it first hit the airwaves, but this ain’t your daddy’s MTV.  It’s now a wasteland of talentless, witless reality shows which pander to America’s most brain-dead viewers.  But everyone knows that, right?

Apparently there have been a lot of folks in the music biz challenging MTV to return to its roots.  ”Bring back the music!  Promote the artists!  Be cool again!”  And according to a post on rollingstone.com, MTV is answering this call for more music programming by creating–surprise!–16 shitty new reality shows that have zilch to do with music.

“These new series reflect Generation ‘Why Not?’ — living, working and playing on their own terms, ‘adventure capitalists’ if you will, pursuing a variety of thrill-seeking, 2.0, express-yourself enterprises,” says MTV entertainment president Brian Graden.

*blink*  Did this asshat actually string together a series of moronic catchphrases and buzzwords in defense of this plan to bring more TeeVee tripe to the masses?  Let’s see:

  • Generation Why Not
  • playing on own terms
  • adventure capitalists
  • thrill-seeking
  • 2.0
  • express yourself

Yep, he’s got all the bases covered.  WHAT A FUCKIN’ DOUCHE.  These are shows created by douchey executives specifically for douchey twentysomethings and even douchier teenagers.  Granted, music videos aren’t always mind-expanding material, but they can at least be creative and interesting.  They’re practically high art compared to this reality show crapulence.  I think it’s time to change the network’s name to DTV, what about you?

On second thought, maybe this is what America has embraced as the best form of entertainment.  Maybe our standards have sunk so low that reality shows about complete strangers are more appealing than anything that might actually enrich one in some way.  (That goes for all TV programming, not just MTV.  Reality shows have taken over…even on the Discovery Channel!)

If you haven’t seen the movie “Idiocracy”, I suggest you run right out and rent it, because it’s absolutely a vision of our future if we keep this shit up.

Superbarf

 Movies
Feb 022008
 

Last night we attempted to watch the movie “Superbad” because we keep hearing how awesomely funny it is.  It sounded like another movie about teens trying desperately to get laid, but after seeing how well it’s rated on Rotten Tomatoes, we had to give it a shot.  Even Roger Ebert gave it 4 stars, and I usually agree with him.

Surprise:  it’s another movie about teens trying desperately to get laid.  And, as usual, one of the two main characters is so obsessed with it that he practically vomits sex-talk every time he opens his mouth.  Here’s a quote:  “Dude, I so gotta stick my dick in her.  I need major vag tonight or I’m gonna explode.  I swear the next time I see her she’s gonna be chokin’ on my dick till she pukes.”  OK, that wasn’t a direct quote, but if you’ve seen the movie you know that it’s not far off the mark.  Yeah, we get it already:  you’re a horny high school senior.  Say something else, already.

Why is this so entertaining to people?  I know he’s supposed to be a horndog because that’s his “thing”, but it seems that a lot of Hollywood movies about horny teenagers are littered with this type of crude asshole character.  Maybe if I was a straight guy I’d find it funny…maybe it would take me back to my horned-up teenage years when every set of boobs I saw gave me a boner.  But no, I wasn’t into “the vag” at all, and I can honestly say that while I eyeballed more than a few guys around me, I wasn’t nearly the sex-starved pig that this guy is.  I knew plenty of straight guys who talked nonstop about getting laid, but these characters (in this film and others) take it to such an unrealistic level that it drowns out anything actually entertaining that might be happening in the movie.  I’m not a movie-prude by any means, but this stuff was really a turnoff.  (The only thing I found humorous was the pig’s flashback about having an obsession with drawing penises when he was a kid.)

So after about 30 minutes of this crap, we turned it off, unimpressed.  I’ll read about it online if I wanna know the outcome of the movie, but it’s probably something predictable like 1) one or both get laid, 2) the pig finds love and isn’t such a pig anymore, 3) the pig ends up being gay.  (Hmmm, I just realized that we were watching the Unrated Extended Edition.  Maybe that’s why it was so overdone.  Should we try to get the “regular” version and give it another shot?  Does it honestly get any better?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?

Don’t touch those balls!

 Fun Stuff
Mar 092007
 

Speaking of retards, a certain Republican politician in Maryland has a giant stick up his butt about something that is obviously dragging our culture into the fires of hell:  Truck Nuts.  You know…the big rubber balls that truck-lovin’ tools all over America are now hanging from the bumpers of their gas-guzzling monstrosities.  I think they’re funny and stupid–the first time I saw a pair of these dangling behind a truck, I did a double-take.  “Are those…balls??”  Naturally, this guy thinks they’re a Big Threat and wants them banned.  He says we’ve “crossed a line,” but I think that line was crossed when Christians began hijacking Calvin & Hobbes images for stupid religious windowstickers.  Fuck, I hate those.  Anyway, a guy who sells Truck Nuts sums it up perfectly:  “It’s a sense of humor.  This lawmaker is looking out for two or three old women in tennis shoes.  He’s got too much time on his hands.”

Be sure and check out the photo galleries on the Truck Nuts website.  Wow, what a bunch of simians.  Priceless!

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