“Heyyyy, gurls! My name’s Alan and I’m a power bottom for Jesus! I like fashion, short walks with my wife, LONG walks with the boys from church, and triple-headed dildos. I also make a mean quiche if you stick around for breakfast! Hee! Hit me up on Grindr or Facebook or poofs4christ.net, ‘kay? Byeee!”

What…a…creep.  This man is responsible for convincing parents to put their children through emotional, psychological, and physical abuse in the name of “curing” their homosexuality via Jesus’ hot, healing hands.  But now he says “Nah, we can’t really cure it.  Sorry about all that.  Oh, and by the way, I still get the urge to stick a penis in my various orifices now and then.  No big deal.”

You, sir, are a despicable human being.  I don’t give a shit how much you struggle with your urges — in fact, I hope you lose that struggle and are caught on tape getting gang-banged in a filthy airport restroom by a bunch of fat old men.  Only then would I even begin to feel any compassion towards you and this lying, self-loathing lifestyle you’ve chosen for yourself…you insufferable little shitmonkey.

The president of the countrys best-known Christian ministry dedicated to helping people repress same-sex attraction through prayer is trying to distance the group from the idea that gay peoples sexual orientation can be permanently changed or “cured.”

That’s a significant shift for Exodus International, the 36-year-old Orlando-based group that boasts 260 member ministries around the U.S. and world. For decades, it has offered to help conflicted Christians rid themselves of unwanted homosexual inclinations through counseling and prayer, infuriating gay rights activists in the process.

…”I do not believe that cure is a word that is applicable to really any struggle, homosexuality included,” said Chambers, who is married to a woman and has children, but speaks openly about his own sexual attraction to men. “For someone to put out a shingle and say, I can cure homosexuality — that to me is as bizarre as someone saying they can cure any other common temptation or struggle that anyone faces on Planet Earth.”

Chambers has cleared books endorsing ex-gay therapy from the Exodus online bookstore in recent months. He said hes also worked to stop member ministries from espousing it.

Chambers said the ministrys emphasis should be simply helping Christians who want to reconcile their own particular religious beliefs with sexual feelings they consider an affront to scripture. For some that might mean celibacy; for others, like Chambers, it meant finding an understanding opposite-sex partner.”I consider myself fortunate to be in the best marriage I know,” Chambers said. “Its an amazing thing, yet I do have same-sex attractions. Those things dont overwhelm me or my marriage; they are something that informs me like any other struggle I might bring to the table.”

via msnbc.com

“My wife’s petty hot in the sack…or so I hear!”