Today’s entertainment: watching right-wing crazies completely lose their fucking shit

 Holy Shit! (Religion), Idiots & Assholes (Politics)
Nov 072012
 

I’m enjoying watching the conservative meltdowns and End Times gnashing of teeth. This is what happens when you pour all your hopes and dreams into a single person, believing they’ll change the world into what you want. It’s also what happens when you think that your vote has some sort of divine power and is blessed by an omnipotent sky god.

I want you to hear me tonight, I am not saying that President Obama is the Antichrist, I am not saying that at all. One reason I know hes not the Antichrist is the Antichrist is going to have much higher poll numbers when he comes. President Obama is not the Antichrist. But what I am saying is this: the course he is choosing to lead our nation is paving the way for the future reign of the Antichrist.

via Huffington Post

Of course, the only one paving the way for the Antichrist is a lefty.  Religious conservatives could never usher in an age of evil, right?  And then we have these gems from Twitter:

“Lets fight like hell and stop this great and disgusting injustice! The world is laughing at us.” —Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 7, 2012

“This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy!” —Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 7, 2012

“The Democrat Party voted God out and replaced Him with Romans 1.In the Good vs. Evil battle…today…Evil won.” —Victoria Jackson (@vicjackshow) November 7, 2012

“I can’t stop crying.America died.” —Victoria Jackson (@vicjackshow) November 7, 2012

via Gawker

So…hilariously…delicious!  And here’s the topper, some highlights from Fox News where you can see them internally clawing their faces off with incredulous disappointment.

Ann Coulter: Sucker of Satan’s Cock

 General Blatherings
Oct 252012
 

(Posted a week late due to network issues)

I bestow this title upon her after her latest stunt of declaring National Disown Your Son Day shortly after National Coming Out Day. Ho-ho, so clever, Ann! You and your Adam’s apple have really struck conservative fucktard gold with that one. Congrats.

Sorry, is that title too harsh? It’s true, though. I’ve seen the pictures. It ain’t pretty. But she’s earned that title with the vast amount of hateful bile she’s spat at gay folks and liberals in general over the years. If Satan were real, you just know that, spiritually speaking, she’d be servicing Satan’s seven schlongs two or three at a time, gobblin’ like there’s no tomorrow. I’d actually feel sad for her if I didn’t think she’d kick me down a flight of stairs for loving another man.

Yesterday, she took to Twitter in response to last Thursday being National Coming Out Day. That really has to get under the skin of people like Coulter, all those gay people making their existence known. So Coulter, the darling of the gay right (GOProud called her “the right-wing Judy Garland”), vented via tweet, declaring that, since gay youth came out last Thursday, yesterday was “national ‘disown your son’ day.”


Get it? Get it?? Because so many LGBT youth are disowned by their families after coming out! Hardy har har har! Isn’t that hi-freaking-larious!?

via Daily Kos

The Jesus Shoe cometh

 Holy Shit! (Religion)
Aug 262012
 

This is so stupendously crazy, I think I’m officially a fan!  This guy is convinced that Nike is evil because it celebrates a pagan goddess.  He wants to sell a Jesus shoe instead.   Oh, it goes on and on.  It looks like a joke, but if you read through the whole thing you’ll see that it’s definitely real and the product of a mind which is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.  It’s fantastic.

I asked God to confirm that He wanted me to do the JESUS shoe for Love Sportswear.God told me to go to His Word without looking and place my pen down without looking.When I looked, it was on one Name… “Lord”… found in 1 Thessalonians 4:15…According to the Lords own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.

I thought it was interesting that God confirmed it that way since Nike did a poster called “The Second Coming”…A poster in which the players are looking AWAY from the light behind them… if that light is to make us think of Christ…It is insulting Jesus Christ by having them uninterested in His return!

My name is Charles Hubbard. If you think I am the Leader of Christians Against Nike… you would be wrong. JESUS IS THE LEADER OF CHRISTIANS AGAINST NIKE!

via Christians Against Nike: We Honor God Above The Goddess Nike!

Alan Chambers of Exodus International: the gayest gay who ever gayed with gays in Gayville?

 General Blatherings
Jun 292012
 

“Heyyyy, gurls! My name’s Alan and I’m a power bottom for Jesus! I like fashion, short walks with my wife, LONG walks with the boys from church, and triple-headed dildos. I also make a mean quiche if you stick around for breakfast! Hee! Hit me up on Grindr or Facebook or poofs4christ.net, ‘kay? Byeee!”

What…a…creep.  This man is responsible for convincing parents to put their children through emotional, psychological, and physical abuse in the name of “curing” their homosexuality via Jesus’ hot, healing hands.  But now he says “Nah, we can’t really cure it.  Sorry about all that.  Oh, and by the way, I still get the urge to stick a penis in my various orifices now and then.  No big deal.”

You, sir, are a despicable human being.  I don’t give a shit how much you struggle with your urges — in fact, I hope you lose that struggle and are caught on tape getting gang-banged in a filthy airport restroom by a bunch of fat old men.  Only then would I even begin to feel any compassion towards you and this lying, self-loathing lifestyle you’ve chosen for yourself…you insufferable little shitmonkey.

The president of the countrys best-known Christian ministry dedicated to helping people repress same-sex attraction through prayer is trying to distance the group from the idea that gay peoples sexual orientation can be permanently changed or “cured.”

That’s a significant shift for Exodus International, the 36-year-old Orlando-based group that boasts 260 member ministries around the U.S. and world. For decades, it has offered to help conflicted Christians rid themselves of unwanted homosexual inclinations through counseling and prayer, infuriating gay rights activists in the process.

…”I do not believe that cure is a word that is applicable to really any struggle, homosexuality included,” said Chambers, who is married to a woman and has children, but speaks openly about his own sexual attraction to men. “For someone to put out a shingle and say, I can cure homosexuality — that to me is as bizarre as someone saying they can cure any other common temptation or struggle that anyone faces on Planet Earth.”

Chambers has cleared books endorsing ex-gay therapy from the Exodus online bookstore in recent months. He said hes also worked to stop member ministries from espousing it.

Chambers said the ministrys emphasis should be simply helping Christians who want to reconcile their own particular religious beliefs with sexual feelings they consider an affront to scripture. For some that might mean celibacy; for others, like Chambers, it meant finding an understanding opposite-sex partner.”I consider myself fortunate to be in the best marriage I know,” Chambers said. “Its an amazing thing, yet I do have same-sex attractions. Those things dont overwhelm me or my marriage; they are something that informs me like any other struggle I might bring to the table.”

via msnbc.com

“My wife’s petty hot in the sack…or so I hear!”

Trinity Broadcasting Network: a cesspit of embezzlement, secret gay trysts, and canine mobile homes

 Holy Shit! (Religion)
Apr 052012
 

"Honey, I sense a whole lotta morons in our audience today. Let's see how loose them wallets are. AMEN!!"

How sweet it is!  And who can be surprised?  The singing, crying evangelical sock-puppets known as Paul and Jan “The Raccoon” Crouch have obviously, OBVIOUSLY been playing fast and loose with their followers’ cash for many years.  All it takes to see this is to turn on the tube and watch these motherfuckers in their extravagant clothing on their lavishly-decorated set preaching and weeping to the  gullible, pathetic masses to donate as much money as they can…because while God created the universe and all its beauty, somehow he’s constantly short on cash.  I hope these two charlatans and their network go down in a giant ball of badly-coiffed flames.  Hallelujah!

McVeighs lawsuit makes the most damning allegations, claiming “unlawful and unreported income distributions to Trinity Broadcastings directors” with “multiple jet aircraft, including a $50m Global Express luxury jet aircraft purchased for the personal use of the Crouches through a sham loan … as well as an $8m Hawker jet aircraft purchased by Trinity Broadcasting for the personal use of director Janice Crouch”.

It also describes the purchase of “multiple motor vehicles, including a $100,000 motor home purchased by Trinity Broadcasting as a mobile residence for director Janice Crouchs dogs”.

Directors of the network are also accused of misusing funds to cover up sex scandals, including the alleged “cover-up and destruction of evidence concerning a bloody sexual assault involving Trinity Broadcasting and affiliated Holy Land Experience employees; the cover-up of director Janice Crouchs affair with a staff member at the Holy Land Experience; the cover-up of director Paul Crouchs use of Trinity Broadcasting funds to pay for a legal settlement with Enoch Lonnie Ford a former TBN employee who said he had a homosexual affair with [founder] Paul Crouch”.

via guardian.co.uk

"I AM SO HAPPY WITH JESUS AND GOD AND STUFF THANK U FOR YOUR CASH MY HAIR THANKS U 2 PLS HELP ME I KNOW I'M A SHITTY PERSON AMEN"

 

Scrubbing away the grease of lunatics

 Holy Shit! (Religion)
Mar 252012
 

This is brilliant:  a bunch of delusional Christians “anointed” a road with oil in order to purify drivers in Christ’s love, so a group of atheists went out there and scrubbed it clean.

County Road 98 in Polk County, Fla., was scrubbed today by a group of atheists who are protesting the “Polk Under Prayer” campaign, supporters of which poured olive oil on the road last year in an anointment ceremony.

“Mainly we want this to be a safe haven for folks who want to raise their families,” explained Polk Under Prayer organizer, Dr. Richard Geringswald, according to ABC News affiliate WFTS-TV in Tampa. “Asking God’s protection from ne’er do wells and evil doers.”

Ellen Beth Wachs, the president of Humanists of Florida Association and Atheists of Florida, said that she feels unwelcome as an atheist in the county.

Oh, but that’s not even the best part.  No, the level of crazy is truly revealed in the next paragraph of the story.

“This anointment ritual was to call out the angels to check each car that entered the county, to make sure they were Christian, and if they weren’t Christian, they would either follow Christian beliefs or get put in jail,” Wachs told ABC News.

via ABC News

That’s right, folks:  these people were performing some sort of Christian voodoo/magick/woo-woo spell on a road, hoping it would somehow magically transform drivers into pure, white Christian folk and put the rest in JAIL.  Holy fuckin’ shitballs, this takes things to a whole different level.  And yet, they’d be the first ones to point fingers at other religions which practice this kind of ritual spellcasting and call them evil and impure.  (Plus, doesn’t pouring oil on a road make it a danger to drive on?  Not sure on that one.)

Some atheists sure are assholes.

 Holy Shit! (Religion)
Mar 112012
 

You know what?  There are a lot of atheists on Twitter.  Apparently they’re a very vocal bunch.  I’ve been following many of them for a few months now, but lately I’m feeling less impressed.  In fact, I’m turned off enough by most of them to stop reading.

It’s hard to explain why, exactly, but mostly it’s because many of them come across as total jerkoffs with their constant “Fuck religion, so there!” tone.  They tweet a steady stream of what they must think are hard-hitting proclamations against god or religion, with the goals of 1) making readers think “Ohhh, snap! He/she really stuck it to those Christians with that one!  Such witty and razor-sharp atheist observations!”,  2) accumulating as many followers/readers as possible, and 3) provoking Christians with their nasty, offensive comments into endless back-and-forth arguments so they can defend their non-belief with more insults.  I know that Twitter exists so people can blab the minutiae of their brains to anyone who wants to see it, but this sort of obvious targeted antagonism (trolling, really) is just rubbing me the wrong way for some reason.  I call them “asshole atheists” because their goal seems to be simply to provoke believers and increase those reader numbers.  It’s probably a big boost to their egos.

Oddly enough, this mirrors what the most popular Christians and Bible-bangers on Twitter are doing:  they spout thousands of “inspirational” tweets (or Bible quotes) each day with the goals of 1) making readers think “Wow, such inspiration and faith!  I feel, like, soooo uplifted and close to Jesus and stuff!”, 2) accumulating as many followers/readers as possible, and 3) engaging with “the enemy” by drawing them into religious debates.  I’ve seen this happen a lot.

Now, far be it from me to pretend to be innocent of being an asshole towards Christians.  I’ve spent more years than I care to admit typing outraged tirades against them and their actions, and I’m not proud of 100% of it…  95%, perhaps. :)  The difference, I think, is that I tend to target people acting stupid/evil on behalf of their religion–ignorant twats who think they know what god wants, or else just use their religion as an excuse to harm and oppress others.  And I’ll admit that sometimes I just want to mock innocent, everyday Christians in general so I’ll do something along those lines, because to me their beliefs and behavior often beg to be mocked (plus, that’s just the kinda guy I am).  Essentially I do all this because I am clinically opinionated.  But I don’t do it with the goal of offending large swaths of people or drumming up more readers, because I really don’t give a shit about that.  I don’t even know how many people actively read my blatherings here.  I just do it for me.  It’s a kind of coping mechanism, I think…maybe even therapy!

Am I completely full of shit on this?  I don’t know…but I do see a difference in what I do vs. what these mega-tweeting atheists are doing, and I don’t want to be like them.  You can express your opinion or vent your ideas without resorting to such public and widespread dick-waving.  To me it just makes you look desperate for attention.

One Town’s War on Gay Teens

 Heterosexually Challenged, Holy Shit! (Religion)
Feb 222012
 

This excellent article in Rolling Stone shows just how far some will go to demonize homosexuals.  In this case, an entire town (in Michelle Bachmann’s home district, no less) got into the act, forbidding school teachers from even approaching the subject in their classes, no matter what the context.  The trail of teenage suicide bodies they left behind did nothing but embolden their religion-fueled orgy of hate against anything and anyone associated with the “gay lifestyle.”

This shit will make your blood boil, and the below excerpt is only a taste of what the full article delves into.

LGBT students were stunned to be told for the first time about the existence of the neutrality policy that had been responsible for their teachers’ behavior. But no one was more outraged to hear of it than Tammy Aaberg. Six weeks after her son’s death, Aaberg became the first to publicly confront the Anoka-Hennepin school board about the link between the policy, anti-gay bullying and suicide. She demanded the policy be revoked. “What about my parental rights to have my gay son go to school and learn without being bullied?” Aaberg asked, weeping, as the board stared back impassively from behind a raised dais.

Anti-gay backlash was instant. Minnesota Family Council president Tom Prichard blogged that Justin’s suicide could only be blamed upon one thing: his gayness. “Youth who embrace homosexuality are at greater risk [of suicide], because they’ve embraced an unhealthy sexual identity and lifestyle,” Prichard wrote. Anoka-Hennepin conservatives formally organized into the Parents Action League, declaring opposition to the “radical homosexual” agenda in schools. Its stated goals, advertised on its website, included promoting Day of Truth, providing resources for students “seeking to leave the homosexual lifestyle,” supporting the neutrality policy and targeting “pro-gay activist teachers who fail to abide by district policies.”

Asked on a radio program whether the anti-gay agenda of her ilk bore any responsibility for the bullying and suicides, Barb Anderson, co-author of the original “No Homo Promo,” held fast to her principles, blaming pro-gay groups for the tragedies. She explained that such “child corruption” agencies allow “quote-unquote gay kids” to wrongly feel legitimized. “And then these kids are locked into a lifestyle with their choices limited, and many times this can be disastrous to them as they get into the behavior which leads to disease and death,” Anderson said. She added that if LGBT kids weren’t encouraged to come out of the closet in the first place, they wouldn’t be in a position to be bullied.

via Rolling Stone

Alaska Airlines no longer forcing you to fly with Jesus

 Holy Shit! (Religion)
Feb 012012
 

Today’s the day Alaska Airlines stops handing out those prayer cards to its passengers after many years of complaints. I love the old lady’s comments in the bottom paragraph quoted below.  Oh, snap!

Don’t stick your religion in the faces of your paying customers, it’s fucking disrespectful.

As long as Alaska Airlines has been providing the prayer cards, the Freedom From Religion Foundation has been receiving complaints about them, and acting on those complaints.

Pre-Internet, starting back in the mid-1980s, I used to head our “Target List,” whereby we would send out monthly or periodic lists of people, columnists or corporations who needed to be educated. A loyal group of highly articulate members participated and it was always a joy to read copies of their replies. Honestly, I feel our cumulative letters sent, in those slow-paced days by mail, sometimes arriving weeks after the fact can take credit for turning at least one religious-right columnist into an agnostic, helping to wean an editorial cartoonist who shall not be named away from religion, and affecting some major state/church turn-arounds. Every year or two, after receiving yet another shocked member complaint about the airline practice, I would crank up our habitual consumer complaint against them.

Freethought Today’s “Letterbox” also published many articulate complaints from our members. Elaine Van S. Carmichael, in 1990, wrote the then-president of Alaska Airlines a letter so good we reproduced it in full. She wrote of her astonishment to find the in-flight snack adorned with a prayer card. Elaine asked, among other questions: “Don’t you realize that many customers may find this offensive, while no one would find its absence inappropriate?”

Clara Carlson, one of FFRF’s best-beloved and long-time Washington State members, who died recently at age 102, shared her “open letter to Alaska airlines” in a 1991 letter. Clara, who due to her location often had to rely on Alaska Airlines, wrote acidly: “The notion that it is necessary to pray, while flying with your line, is disquieting. It seems to indicate that one cannot have confidence in your pilots and mechanics.”

via FFRF.org

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