A little girl in a toy store rants about girls being stuck with pink princessy toys and boys being stuck with superhero toys. ’Tis a smart child who can see right through that gender-partitioning marketing bullshit! She’s my hero for the day.
Documenting this woman’s new spawn has become something of a tradition here at Quantum Moronics. First in 2004 (last paragraph), again in 2005, once more in 2007, and now here we are again. I must have missed spawn #18 and #19, perhaps a subconscious effort to not have to write about this crazy, irresponsible bitch and her disgusting horny husband again. But of course now I have to.
I bet you could drive this through her gaping, whithered twatflaps.
The birth of a 20th baby from one set of parents is bound to raise some eyebrows — or drop some jaws and spur some expressions of horror. Add to the total number of children these tidbits: Mom is 45; the last Duggar addition — born in December 2009, three months early and at 1 pound, 6 ounces — began life in a neonatal intensive care unit; and the size of the family and its continued growth are the basis for a reality show.
On Tuesday, tweets included the unkind variety — “sick,” “stupid” and “out of control” — as well as the what-did-they-ever-do-to-you variety — “You are not impacted by them procreating.” And then there was the innocuous: “Have they not run out of names starting with J?” The kids are: Joshua, Jana, John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn-Grace and Josie.
Four-year-old Aelita Andre’s splattery paintings are heralded as the work of a Master…but honestly, I don’t see it. I’m no art major, but it looks to me like someone simply threw paint onto a canvas. Which she did, like any other child can. Her parents are artists, so I can imagine them thinking that everything she does is pure genius…
Anyway, this article is so incredibly pretentious that it’s worth reading. Here’s my favorite bit:
As you would expect from someone with such an impressive biography, Aelita’s art has a raw power that leaves viewers with a majestic impression of pure talent unearthed. Magnificently unrestrained, she channels a curiosity and vivacity so strong that it can easily be felt through her paintings, almost as if it constitutes a tangible force in the world.
So what do you think makes her splatterings so “masterful”? Am I blind to the MAJESTIC IMPRESSION OF PURE TALENT UNEARTHED??
This is fucking disgusting, but it works: if you can get children to recognize a brand and its characters early on, you’ll have customers for life. And that’s all they really are–they’re not fans, they’re customers. McDonald’s knows this (Happy Meals, anyone?) and other companies do it too, but now Disney’s taking it a step further. Lovely.
“Apparel is only a beachhead,” said Andy Mooney, chairman of Disney Consumer Products, about the opportunity to crack the estimated $36 billion/year baby product market in North America with everything from bath items to baby food to free theme park tickets for pregnant moms who sign up for e-mail alerts.
“To get that mom thinking about her familys first park experience before her baby is even born is a home run,” said Mooney, adding that a large number of families do not become consumers of Disney products until their children reach preschool age.
via The Consumerist
Well, guess what? It looks like there is now some question as to whether or not that stupid Facebook anti-child-abuse campaign was even legit. Hah, I knew it. And guess what? Now some people are posting this: ”Change your profile picture back! This cartoon character thing was organized by pedophiles so they could find children to stalk!” Oh, for fuck’s sake…make up your mind already. Personally I think they were both hoaxes and people bought into them without much thought.
Next week: update your status in binary to fight hunger!
The messages themselves read something like, “In support of anti-child violence, change your Facebook profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood. Until Monday Dec. 6, there should be no human faces on Facebook, but an invasion of memories. Join the fight against CHILD ABUSE. Invite your friends to do the same.”
The catch is that nobody can really seem to pinpoint the origin of the campaign and that no non-profit organization is laying claim to the movement itself.
Now it appears that there is a counter-movement afoot attempting to stop the cartoon characters in their animated tracks. The new messages that have started to appear claim, “ATTENTION! Just reported that the group that started the post about changing your profile picture to a cartoon character is actually a pedophiles group that is doing this because its easier to get accepted friend requests! Please re-post.”
Well fuck me in both ears, this is fantastic news! The scourge of child abuse has officially ENDED across the globe, thanks to thousands of people on Facebook who chose to change their profile pictures. That’s all it took, honestly! Battered children everywhere are now heaving sighs of relief knowing that peace has come to them at last. Thanks, Facebook status updates!
This is one of those things about Facebook that drives me crazy. Seems like every week there’s some new trend where people are asked to change their status to something in support of some cause. ”I support putting an end to the barbaric act of nipple-piercings on orangutans. Post this on your Facebook status to pass it on!” It’s like some weird, mutated version of the classic chain letter, especially when they try and guilt you into doing it by adding “96% of people won’t post this, will you??” My immediate reaction to this is, “Sorry, I won’t be guilted into posting this crap on my profile, even when you quote phony percentages that someone just pulled out of their ass.”
It gets even more annoying, however, when they want you to update your status and change your profile photo. The latest example is probably the most absurd. Quoted from one of the dozen (at least) FB friends of mine who went along with this:
So let me get this straight: by changing my FB photo to a cartoon character from my childhood, I’m somehow magically fighting child abuse? Are they actually saying this, and are people really doing it? You bet your ass they are, because at least once a day I see something like this pop up on my feed:
This is what we’ve been reduced to when it comes to supporting a cause: making a minor update on our Facebook accounts. It’s so typically American, too–what better (and more convenient for me) way to end AIDS, hunger, or poverty than by tapping a few buttons on a phone/keyboard/screen and changing a superficial element on a social network? It’s so simple! You don’t even have to get actually involved in any way, just pick out a cute cartoon character and make it your profile picture and you’re FIGHTING CHILD ABUSE! Yay for us!
Except, of course, kids are still being beaten and killed by drunk, negligent, ignorant, and just plain evil people. Your profile update, sadly, didn’t magically donate money to an organization which fights this sort of thing. It didn’t help educate, pay medical bills, provide refuge, or fill a hungry belly. It didn’t do a goddamned thing but make you feel better, in a very public way, about not actually doing anything. These are simply social games cooked up to make people feel good about themselves, simple as that–and zillions of well-meaning people fall in line and do it every time a new one rolls around. It’s the same thing with the magnetic ribbon industry: people think that by slapping a ribbon on their car they’re somehow taking part in a cause, when in reality they just gave $10 to a company that specializes in magnetic ribbons.
“But what about raising awareness, huh? What about that, you uncaring asshole? People need to be aware of child abuse!!” Well, no shit. We’re all aware that child abuse happens, we don’t need Facebook to tell us that. But if you’re really that passionate about something, maybe you should do more than follow the FB trend-herd. The least you can do is donate some money to a local charity or something, not just update your status and forget about it. Christ!
OK, this idea of tagging and tracking children like animals in the wild is seriously scary stuff. According to a post on the ACLU’s blog:
On Tuesday, preschoolers in Richmond, California showed up for school and were handed jerseys embedded with Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) tags. RFID tags are tiny computer chips that are frequently used to track everything from cattle to commercial products moving through warehouses. Now the school district is apparently hoping to use these chips to replace manual attendance records, track the children’s movements at school and during field trips, and collect other data like whether the child has eaten or not.
Are parents really this paranoid, or is this the school’s solution to attendance problems? What’s next, cameras in the bathrooms to monitor frequency and type of their little darlings’ bowel movements? I can just see this in their Potty Log: ”9/20/10, 8:34 a.m.: Timmy Richardson had a poo. Duration of poo: 3.5 minutes. Poo has been sent to lab for weight, texture, and color information. Timmy left bathroom at approximately 8:40 a.m., arriving back in classroom at 8:42 a.m. after a short visit to water fountain.” Don’t think they haven’t considered this level of detail! Some smothering, nutjob parent out there would probably LOVE to know this kind of stuff.
Also, apparently the school hasn’t read up on how insecure these RFID tags are. They’re notoriously insecure, this has been well-documented for several years now. You can find it on this Google thing everyone always talks about. And look! It puts the kids’ privacy at risk more than they probably even bothered to think about.
Without real security, RFID chips could actually make preschoolers more vulnerable to tracking, stalking, and kidnapping. Someone who wants to do children harm could potentially sit in a car across the street and scan the children’s jerseys without teachers, school officials, parents, or children ever knowing that any information has been read. And if this information can be read, it can be copied easily to a duplicate chip. A child could be taken off campus while the duplicate chip continues to tell RFID readers that the child is safely at school.
This means that little Timmy’s school schedule and daily routine could suddenly become public information for anyone who might find a use for it. Creepy.
The long-term effect is that this kind of thing trains kids to expect to be tracked and monitored. They’ll grow up being used to having Someone knowing everything they do and when they do it. And that sends shivers down my spine.
A few years ago I was disgusted by the Jr. Off Roader, a $32K custom-built SUV for (rich) kids which is custom-made to order. I see now they make a Camper Caravan Trailer which attaches to the Jr. Off Roader, allowing your bratty tyke to play like he’s a retired grown-up traveling the open road or whatever. This one’s $38,250, while the Off Roader has dropped to a mere $27,750. Truly a deal for the set!
I can just hear little Carson/Preston/Rupert/Topher now: ”Mummy? Dear Mummy, I shan’t be able to sleep another night until I have the Camper Caravan Trailer for my Jr. Off Roader! Do say I can have one, Mummy, and I promise not to drive it into our 30-foot hedge sculptures, I truly promise!”
Ugh. Rich people piss me off.
According to this story, a restaurant owner in NC put up a sign warning parents that they’ll be booted from the restaurant if they can’t keep their kids quiet. Brilliant! And guess what else? Buiness is booming!
Of course, being a queer gay homosexual I haven’t experienced the “joys” of parenthood myself (and have no desire to). But I do know you can’t control kids 100% of the time, and I appreciate it when parents take their kids outside when they start acting like wild beasts. Unfortunately, some parents have given up and/or simply don’t give a shit.
Please, parents: give a shit. Before someone throws you out.
The female owner of a North Carolina restaurant has put up a new sign on its front door saying, “Screaming children will not be tolerated.”
The restraunteur says she got sick of customers complaining about parents who couldn’t control their kids during meals, treating the restaurant like their personal playground, misbehaving and squawking.
via The Consumerist
Sweet Zombie Jesus! Hot on the heels of a study which found that fatty foods can create a heroin-like addiction, here we have a company actually willing to train your baby to love and crave bacon soon after popping out of the womb. I’m so glad to see that America hasn’t lost its sense of innovation!
Parents can now pork up their infant’s diet with Bacon Baby, a bacon-flavored baby formula.
J&D cites in their announcement post on baconsaltblog.com that this isn’t a hoax or even just another bacon-flavored product, it’s a formula to improve your baby’s quality of life, can help them excel at a young age and they say they have legitimate research to back up with.