Friday quickies

 General Blatherings
Aug 252006
 
  • As some Arizona moviegoers found out, snakes aren’t just for planes anymore.  Oh, those kids!
  • If you want some good snarky fun at the expense of pious videogamers, read some Christ-Centered Game Reviews.  The review of Doom III is especially amusing…  He warns people to stay away because of the “satanic feel” of the game (even though you’re battling evil), yet the geek side of him takes over and gives it a 70% rating because its creepy atmosphere and graphics scared the hell out of him. I guess Jesus can’t compete with a good graphics card.
  • Another crazy cat-lady was recently ordered to get rid of her 168 cats.  She’s not up to our usual standard of 200+ cats, but it was a worthy effort.
  • More Arizona fun:  What can one possibly do with 69 speeding tickets?  Oh, just toss ‘em out the window.  Or not…it didn’t quite work out for this bedraggled former teen princess (pictured here) who managed to get snapped 69 times by Scottsdale’s fairly-new photo radar units while zooming down the Loop 101.  She tossed out the tickets because she “thought nothing would happen to her.”  Christ.
  • Next time a telemarketing scumbag calls you up at home, simply follow the Junkbusters Anti-Telemarketing Script send them away whimpering.

My favorite subject: B.S.

 Bullshit Detector, General Blatherings
Feb 272006
 

Is anyone out there a fan of the show “Bullshit!” by Penn & Teller?  It’s on Showtime, or at least it was…I don’t know if it’s still on.  They had 3 seasons of great stuff, and I hope more is on the way.  Each episode tackles one or two topics in which the hosts (Penn doing all the talking, as usual) deconstruct paranormal scams, expose fraud, put pseudo-science to the test, attack manipulative and dangerous people, and generally put the spotlight on bullshit in general to reveal it for what it really is.

Anyway, I’ve been enjoying this show on DVD (Netflix has ‘em all) and recently saw the episode about PeTA.  Wow, what a stunner…I’ve never been a fan of PeTA, as they’ve always seemed like a cultish group of well-intentioned but misugided people, some of whom are dangerous fanatics.  This show reveals that they are indeed cultish and misguided folks, but their intentions are not always good.  Saving animals is only the beginning with these people.  Of course, this is Penn & Teller’s take on the matter, but the evidence they present is pretty damning.  The fact that they host this show dressed entirely in leather while munching on roasted meat was a nice touch, too. :)   I challenge any PeTA supporters out there to watch this show and not at least have some doubts about what kind of organization you’re supporting.

This one aside, “Bullshit!” has many other sharply-presented episodes on a wide variety of topics.  It’s fun watching Penn viciously (and gleefully) attack morons and sleazy charlatans, but sometimes all he has to do is show them doing their thing, and they show their true colors without much help.  Check it out!

Mind the bull.

 General Blatherings
Feb 012006
 

So a bull jumped up into the crowd during a bullfight in Mexico City and trampled, gashed, and slammed several people sitting in the stadium’s most expensive seats.  Someone eventually got ahold of something to stab it with and proceeded to do so until it fell down dead.  And, of course, the video is circulating and people are gasping in horror.

Why are people so schocked?  This is a spectator sport, after all.  It’s sort of like the Indy 500…sometimes a car flips up and slams into the audience, people get hurt or killed, and the race continues.  You’re risking your life simply by sitting too close.  And you know what?  Considering what has been done to countless bulls over the centuries purely for the entertainment of spectators, maybe it’s only fair for a bull to return the favor once in a while.

Fear not, furry friends!

 General Blatherings
Nov 212005
 

Oh great, now scientists know how to turn off the fear gene in mice.  And even though this particular article doesn’t mention it, an obvious question immediately comes to mind:  How soon before some asshole military man (yes, it will be a man) snaps up this technology for use on soldiers in war?  Someday we could have the ultimate fighting machine, another fine product of the good ol’ U.S. of A!  He’ll still keep firing that gun even when he’s missing an arm and both legs…  And when that arm gets blown off, he’ll be pulling that trigger with is tongue, vialiantly fighting to preserve freedom and justice for the American oil executives people.  Sound like farfetched sci-fi peepeecaca?  Maybe…I just don’t put anything past the military.  Crikey!

Chirp300

 Unfuckingbelievable!
Oct 132005
 

This is just too nutty to be true…or is it?  We always hear about some crazy lady keeping hundreds of cats cooped up in her house…what is it with crazy ladies trapping cats?  However, now they’ve got some competition.  This time it’s a crazy guy with 300 birds.  He was arrested after police fouind him trying to surgically remove a tumor from a pigeon after sedating it with a shot of vodka.  Wow, that’s some anesthetic.  And!  Guess what the head of the local animal control department is named?  Patrick Wren.  Hah!!  Perfect.

A man found operating on a pigeon that he sedated with vodka was later arrested after animal control officers raided his house and discovered about 300 living and dead birds inside.

“There’s droppings everywhere,” Patrick Wren, the head of Torrance’s animal control department, said Wednesday. “I’m wearing a mask. That says it all.”

About 120 dead pigeons filled bags and boxes alongside Gerard Redmond Enright Jr.’s home, officials said. Other birds in pet carriers throughout the house were euthanized because they were sick or malnourished, Wren said.

County health officials declared the home unfit for humans.

Enright, 61, who was arrested for investigation of animal abuse, denied mistreating the birds. He said he had devoted his life to saving them.

“I’m literally in shock,” said Enright, who often walks with his pigeon, Twister, to a local Starbucks.

He really loved that horse.

 Unfuckingbelievable!
Jul 182005
 

Have you ever wondered what the worst way to die would be?  Burning to a crisp, being chomped by a shark, getting disemboweled by an ostrich, dismemberment with a shrimp fork, prolonged exposure to Joanna Newsom…there are so many possibilities.  However, after long and careful consideration, I think that having your colon pulverized by a horse’s schlong has to rank right up there at the top for me.  This story is all over the local news and everyone’s a-twitter about it…  Sex with horses?  Giving and receiving?  Ack!!

ENUMCLAW — Authorities are reviewing hundreds of hours of videotapes seized from a rural Enumclaw-area farm that police say is frequented by men who engage in sex acts with animals.

The videotapes police have viewed thus far depict men having sex with horses, including one that shows a Seattle man shortly before he died July 2, said Enumclaw police Cmdr. Eric Sortland. Police are reviewing the tapes to make sure no laws have been broken.

<smip>

However, authorities didn’t learn about the farm until a man drove up to Enumclaw Community Hospital on July 2 seeking medical assistance for a companion. Medics wheeled the man into an examination room before realizing he was dead. When hospital workers looked for the driver, he was gone.

Using the dead man’s driver’s license to track down relatives and acquaintances, authorities were led to the Enumclaw farm. Some earlier reports had said hospital-surveillance cameras were used to track down the driver.

The dead man was identified as a 45-year-old Seattle resident. According to the King County Medical Examiner’s Office, he died of acute peritonitis due to perforation of the colon. The man’s death is not being investigated because it did not result from a crime, Urquhart said.

Cuddle up!

 Fun Stuff
Jul 012005
 

I never thought I’d ever say this, but…what cute little snakes!  Who knew that baby cobras could be so adorable?  Couldn’t you just hug ‘em and smooch ‘em and love ‘em to bits?  (Actually, I think most people would rather stomp ‘em to bits…)

Two-week-old Sri Lankan Albino cobras move at the National Zoological Gardens in Colombo, Sri Lanka, June 29, 2005. In April 2005, a female albino cobra laid 20 eggs. 13 snakes emerged from the eggs on June 16, 2005, zoo officials said. REUTERS/Anuruddha Lokuhapuarachchi

Neal Horsley: Farmstud

 Unfuckingbelievable!
May 252005
 

Critter passed along this outrageous little story about an interview with right-wing nutjob Neal Horsley in which he admits to…um, “having relations” with farm animals as a kid.  Only as a kid, eh?  Of course he swears that every boy who grows up on a farm ends up sticking his willy into anything with a hole.  I can’t speak from experience on that one, sorry.  But finally I can call someone a pigfucker and not be exaggerating.

Horsley: Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I . . .

Colmes: You had sex with animals?

Horsley: Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.

Colmes: I’m not so sure that that is so.

Horsley: You didn’t grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?

Colmes: Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?

Horsley: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality. . . . Welcome to domestic life on the farm. You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You’re naive. You know better than that. . . . If it’s warm and it’s damp and it vibrates, you might in fact have sex with it.

ribbit . . . ribbit . . . KABOOM!!

 Fun Stuff
Apr 282005
 

OK, this stuff about exploding toads in Germany is mysterious and a little disturbing.  And yet, I really want to see some video!  It sorta reminds me of that infamous scene in “The Triplets of Belleville” where one of them goes out to grab some frogs for dinner…

Toads in an area of northern Germany are being killed off by a mysterious disease – they are exploding.

Thousands of the amphibians have died in recent days in a pond in Hamburg’s Altona district, with their bodies swelling to bursting point.

The toads’ entrails are propelled for up to a metre (3.2ft), in scenes that have been likened to science fiction.

Scientists are baffled. Possible explanations include a unknown virus or a fungus in the pond.

“You see the animals crawling on the ground, swelling and then exploding,” German conservationist Werner Smolnik told AFP news agency.

The bodies of the toads expanded to three and a half times their normal size, he said.

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