This was originally posted sometime in 2002 and was one of the most linked-to pages on my site for a couple of years.  I’ve re-created it here as a blog page, but you can still see the original page in all its glory.

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What does every guy want?

“I want hot chicks!”–Vern Dipschitt of Pitlick, AZ

“I wanna be totally hung!”–Skeezix Gristle of Possum Teat, TN

“I want a killer truck! YEAH!!”–Garth Mullet of Stumphumper, KY

We all want chicks, trucks, and massive manhood, right guys?  Yeah!  But sometimes you can’t have it all.  Sometimes, when peeking into your shorts, you realize you’ve been cheated.  You’re not quite the man others are.  Why? Because instead of carrying around a monster truck, you’re only sporting a VW Beetle.   And the chicks know it. They can tell.  They even laugh and point.

Well, not anymore.

Introducing the 2002 Ford Phallus.  This is one serious piece of equipment.  You’ll dwarf the other guys in this baby.  Armed with 10 long, thick cylinders of 100% American-made studpower, this beast will rule the road…and the chicks.

Because size DOES matter.

Feel bigger. Drive bigger. Be bigger.

And don’t forget!  If you enjoy driving a Phallus, why not drive it with an E-Leash in hand?

Special thanks to my brother Patrick who risked his life photographing this monstrosity in an AZ mall parking lot. Technically it’s a Ford F-750, but we all know what it really is:  a schlong on wheels.
(c) 2002 Total Obscurity