2004 October » Quantum Moronics

Learnin’ is bad, mmmkay?

Oct 312004

This is quite an entertaining little nugget… Leave it to hysterical Republicans to get upset about high school kids being taught how to recognize and analyze propaganda. Oh, the irony. That’s right, some local GOP dorks are up in arms about a teacher who showed "Fahrenheit 9/11" to her class with the intent to critically examine it and study how it relates to what’s going on in today’s politics. She even followed proper policy and got permission from the parents and the school principal, and all but one parent objected to it. The GOP is missing the point entirely…this teacher is clearly identifying the movie as propaganda, but that doesn’t matter: apparently they would rather keep these kids ignorant about such matters, since they might (oh no!) learn to recognize propaganda from the Right as well. Can’t have our kids learning that leftist critical thinking crap, can we??

Now, THAT is scary!

Fun Stuff

Oct 312004

[Click photos to enlarge] For Halloween this year my friend Jimmy and I decided to dress up as trailer trash. It sounded like a pretty easy costume to throw together, so earlier in the week we spent a couple of hours shopping for the goods. Here’s what we ended up with: flannel shirts, "wifebeater" undershirts, mullet wigs, baseball caps, some stuff to black out a couple of teeth, a couple of trashy temporary tattoos (flags, eagles, etc.), heavy work boots, faded jeans (mine had a rip on one cheek…shhh), and a stuffed toy raccoon for me to carry around as dinner. And I gotta admit, the costumes came together really well! Hey, I grew up in close proximity to guys like this, so it wasn’t hard to get the look down. I even went so far as to go unshaven for 3 days, rip the sleeves off my flannel, and spill some coffee on my undershirt. Yeah, baby! We had a blast going out to a couple of bars last night…I totally got into character, too. I carried my raccoon around by the tail, and held it up to people now and then asking (in my best trashy inbred mongoloid voice) things like "Ya want sum chickin?" and "Found it under mah truuhhhck…it’s what’s fer dinner." People loved it. It got even more fun the drunker we got. Eventually we were out on the dance floor being completely stupid…I was swinging my raccoon by the tail over my head and nuzzling it up to other dancers (much to their annoyance I’m sure). Yeah, stupid is right! But what else ya gonna do when yer a redneck fer an evenin’? Anyway, I may post more photos from the evening if I want to further humiliate myself.

Wal-Mart: We know what you want.

General Blatherings

Oct 312004

Not surprisingly, Wal-Mart has decided not to carry George Carlin’s new book, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?. The funny part is watching them try to explain why. The Wal-Mart spokesman quoted in the story says, "[The decision] was based on customer demand. We offer products we think our customers want to buy. We’ve carried Carlin’s books in the past, but we simply felt that this particular title would not appeal to the majority of our customers." He then goes on to point out that the book is available on the Wal-Mart website and sales are "steady." OK, Wal-Mart spokesperson, let me get this straight: you’re not offering this book in your stores because you claim to know what your customers want to buy, even though you’ve sold lots of his books in the past, and this book is selling steadily on the website. Admit it…you’re choosing not to stock this book only because of the cover, choosing political correctness to avoid offending a few Middle America shoppers. Sure, it’s your choice to pick and choose what books to sell, but don’t try to bullshit us with some flimsy excuse. Sheesh!

Keine Ausländer!

Idiots & Assholes (Politics)

Oct 292004

I know this is old news by now, but it’s still interesting: foreign countries are being blocked from viewing George Bush’s official website. What are they afraid of? Sure, they claim it’s to prevent malicious hackers from taking the site down, but can’t people do that from North America as well? I have a feeling that this kind of action also appeals to Bush’s "screw the rest of the world, we don’t need you" attitude.

Weaned on video games

General Blatherings

Oct 292004

Alexander Komissarov emailed me about this story, which is an interesting read. It was only a matter of time before the videogame companies began making game consoles specifically for toddlers… True, videogames can teach hand-eye coordination and things like that, but too many kids play them too much and never leave sight of the television except to eat and go to school. Perhaps the creepiest quote from the story reads:

Eric Levin, executive vice president of Techno Source, has created My First TV Play System, which is in stores now. The TV Play System ($20) has 20 arcade-style games and activities stored in its memory. The handheld controller, which plugs into a television and carries the Crayola brand, looks strikingly similar to a PlayStation game controller.

That’s right: My First TV Play Station. Add that to the growing list of unnecessary "first" toys, such as My First Cellphone, My First Shopping Cart, and My First Gastric Bypass.

College Republicans vs. The Elderly

Idiots & Assholes (Politics)

Oct 282004

Oh, this is rich. A group called College Republicans, under the guise of various phony pro-Bush campaign groups, has scammed millions of dollars in "donations" from the easiest targets available: old folks with money to spend. It’s just sick. And did all that money go towards Bush’s campaign? Yeah, right. They try to defend their actions as a way to help "get out the vote" (a phrase I’m sick to death of by now), but in the end they’re no different from those criminal scumbags who prey on seniors with various investment schemes and hoax retirement plans…the only goal is to separate them from their savings, simple as that. So much for that "compassionate conservative" bullshit, hmmm?

Zing!!

Fun Stuff, Geek Streak

Oct 282004

Oh my GOD, this is just too funny. The folks over at airbagindustries.com have put together a faux product page for the new iPod Ashlee Simpson Karaoke Edition. Not only does it look like an official Apple page (I’m wondering how long it’ll take for their lawyers to complain), but it reads like one. Be sure and read the instructions on the back of the unit.

Hyuk-hyuk-hyuk!!

Idiots & Assholes (Politics)

Oct 272004

This clip is rapidly making its way around the net… It’s footage of Gee Dubya (sometime in the 90′s) prepping for a T.V. appearance, joking around with someone on the set. Suddenly he flips the camera off, then stiffens and looks around as if he just did something raunchy or rebellious. It’s actually kinda funny, especially right now around election time; he’s given the finger to so much of the world through his words and actions, so now we can actually see him make the gesture, just for effect! The original clip was in muddy Quicktime format, so I brightened it, enlarged it, and converted it to Windows Media and RealMedia for your smirking pleasure. (Yeah, I’m a dork…)

A kinder, gentler bullshit

Bullshit Detector, Idiots & Assholes (Politics)

Oct 272004

Georgie, Georgie, Georgie. When will you learn? We don’t believe you when you say that you support gay "civil unions" but not marriage. What it comes down to is that you will say anything, absolutely anything, to get someone’s vote, all the while accusing your opponent of doing the same. However, no self-respecting gay person actually believes that you will support civil unions with all the benefits that heterosexual married couples enjoy. Maybe, deep in the dark corners of your cavernous, empty skull, you might consider (after having all your toenails pulled out by Guantanamo torture experts) allowing us to have a meaningless little piece of paper that says we’re together in a "union", but you’d never, ever allow us to share the same benefits and breaks that married folks do. ‘Cause in your mind it just ain’t right, it ain’t moral, it ain’t straight, it ain’t Christian to stop this sort of discrimination. So just stop trying to convince us otherwise, mmmkay?

Comments on commentary

Patriotic Peepeecaca

Oct 262004

Today’s New York Post has a commentary written by Steve Dunleavy, the father of a soldier who was just shipped off to fight in Iraq. It’s written with all the emotion of a proud dad seeing his son march off to do his duty, but of course it’s also got an angry pro-war tone as well, using a lot of tired rhetoric about Kerry “giving comfort and succor to the enemy”, etc. Yawn, nothing new there.

But read this commentary carefully…notice the contrast between what Dunleavy says and what his son says. Dunleavy’s rhetoric is predictably patriotic, full of grandiose visions of his son defending America in the face of evil anti-war people, doing his righteous duty, etc. But read his son’s comments, and you’ll see that his son doesn’t appear to have such ambitious views…he’s simply following orders and doing what he’s told. What does his son think of Kerry’s remarks about the war? “We don’t listen to politicians. We listen to our commanding officers.” What will he be doing in Iraq, where will he be going? “Don’t know. I’ll just go where I am needed.” Um, OK. So far this kid doesn’t sound like a die-hard Bush supporter gung-ho to defeat terror all across the globe…it sounds like he just wants to serve some time and get it over with, whether or not this is the “wrong war, wrong time, wrong place” as Kerry called it (a comment which seems to irk Dunleavy to no end). He’s an Army drone, and he’ll fight whatever war he’s told to like a good soldier, despite the opposing politics. And yet his dad is projecting all these grand ambitions and taking criticism of the war as a personal insult against his kid…it just seems like overkill to me.

I also have to ask: would he be so blindly supportive of the war if a Democrat was leading it? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

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