This is kind of fun: I posted something in early 2006 that had a picture attached to it, but a couple of years later the picture was deleted (along with a bunch of others…my stupid mistake) so I took the post down. Today I found the picture again, so now the post is back up. It’s just a silly thing but pretty typical of the stuff I was posting back then.
Behold the Revolve Devotional Bible for Girls. This is something you can actually buy. I’m sure it’s chock-full of helpful tips for Christian girls, such as:
- God’s a man, Jesus is a man, and your husband is a man. Be subservient to men at all times, because they are the most powerful and important people in the world. They also have full control over what you’re allowed to do with and put into your body, simply because they have the penises. Amen.
- You’re just a creature molded from a rib—don’t think you can aspire to much in this world without the permission of the men in your life. Your place is to stay behind your man and remain quiet unless spoken to. Now shut up and make me some pancakes, the game is on.
- Your body, especially that one area, is unclean and sinful. Once a month it will spew demonic juices, and you must lock yourself away from the rest of society until this time passes.
- The unclean, sinful area between your legs is strictly for the following uses: discharge of bodily waste, discharge of babies, and the occasional insertion of the penis you are married to with the sole intent of creating the aforementioned babies. No pleasure must be had with this area as it is not only filthy and sinful, but somehow sacred.
- Hey, rape and incest happened all the time in Biblical days. We’re not saying you should go out and do that or anything, but when you put it in the historical context of the Bible, it’s not such a big deal — as today’s conservative politicians will eagerly point out.
- It’s OK to dress like a slut as long as you’re wearing a crucifix to show the world you’re “not that kind of girl.” It’s even better if you have a “promise ring” on, so you can flaunt your stuff and tease all you want without any risk of actually doing anything.
- Homosexuals might seem like a lot of fun, but they are Satan in disguise. Avoid the drag queens at all costs, especially the ones who are more beautiful than you.
Hmmm, maybe they should have called this the Devolve Devotional Bible…
The other day I was with my partner in a hospital recovery room as he was getting prepped for a minor procedure. On both sides of us were people going through the same process (behind privacy curtains), answering lots and lots of questions and having all sorts of other stuff done. It was still early in the morning and I hadn’t had breakfast yet, and somehow my still-muddled brain managed to meld together two simultaneous conversations to form this amazing question: ”Have you ever had a colonoscopy…for a migraine?”
Well that certainly snapped me out of it! For a split second I actually thought someone was being asked this, even though I could tell it came from two different places. This is what happens when my caffeine levels drop below a certain point…
With a little advance planning, parents can have a lifelong memento of their child’s birth (aside from their child, of course): A print made from the placenta. The placenta prints are made by taking the placenta after birth and placing it, along with the umbilical cord, on acid-free paper.
What… Why… How……uhhhh. OK, here’s the question: why are parents getting SO CRAZY about their babies? Why are babies such a weird cult? I don’t get it. I want to know what has shifted in our culture the past decade or so that has led parents to…this. Yeah, I don’t want kids and I’ll never have them, but I simply can’t imagine what goes through the minds of these parents who actually think that rubbing a bit of bloody placenta all over a piece of paper is actually something anyone would ever want. And why stop there? Why not smear your child’s first poop all over your hands and make some special, sentimental handprints? Is that any less crazy? I’ll bet there’s even some company you can pay to help you do that.
Few things are as face-clawingly bad as white guys who try to be rappers and just don’t have what it takes. Here we have Dee Dee Ramone (yes, that one) giving it his “best” in 1987. If you can get through this entire video without stabbing forks in your ears, you’re stronger than I!
A while back I was experimenting with some Google searches on different religious and nonreligious groups, using the phrase “Why are _____ so” and seeing what came up in as suggested terms (which are based on previous searches by others). The results were pretty interesting. This is completely unscientific, but maybe it offers a glimpse into the minds of…some people. I’m not quite sure what to make of this yet. Note that these results are from sometime last year and I’m just now getting around to posting them, so they may be somewhat different today.
How fascinating! I’d love to be able to tour this place. Apparently it’s for sale, but I don’t know if I could actually live underground like this without some sort of apocalypse situation above. I mean, really…
OK, I can deal with mopey goths, but this has GOT to be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard of. You have to watch the video, just give it at least one minute. Listen to what they’re saying, I dare you to keep a straight face… The narrator even uses the term “alpha dog” at one point. This is comedy gold!!
No, they’re not playing basketball like they used to in the ’80s. Today’s teen wolves, with names like Wolfy Blackheart, are hanging out in front of shopping malls and wearing weird contact lenses. One intrepid news team got the footage.